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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Compatible, just not in bed.I have been seeing this great guy for six weeks or so. Really get on well, easy to be with him, he is very caring and considerate. Also affectionate and I can tell he is into me. Feel happy when we are together.Just had sex for the first time last night - it was terrible. No real erection, nothing happened. No problem, just cuddled and fell asleep. Then in the morning, really nice time in bed, just sitting around drinking coffee and reading papers, chilling out, started getting passionate and then had sex - I think - he was barely hard at all and then he was inside me for like 5-10 seconds, moving around but I couldn't feel any sensation, and then I think he came, and got really emotional, hugging me and saying my name. I was just lying there thinking, is that it??! I stayed being really affectionate and warm, I didn't let on that I was really disappointed, but I am normally really firey in bed and have had some fantastic sex in the past. It is really important to me. I don't get how he thinks this is OK. I don't know what to do about it. He is a nice guy but maybe I should break it off as it seems like we have totally different ideas about what goes on in bed. But if he has low confidence in bed I don't want to add to it.
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male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (17 November 2010):
 Well I could not agree with "birdynumnums" more. Perhaps far too many years have passed for me to think about it much, but her answer made me recall the gals during the 60s and 70s, several a few years older, to whom I owe so much! To my credit, I listened and complied ;-) So, if there is potential, perhaps a good teacher can mold a good lover.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (14 November 2010):
 Guys that are great in bed have compassionate and communicative TEACHERS.
The first time is NEVER an indicator of the rest of your sex life. If everything else is clicking, and you think he's a great guy, and his equipment is obviously working - you probably shouldn't give up after just one time! Even considering your ages; the first time isn't necessarily an indicator of what is to come and with a bit of expert coaching, you might just uncover a diamond-in-the-rough.
Communication is the key to very relationship, especially in bed. Tell him what you need, guide him and teach him.
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male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (14 November 2010):
A bit too early to say, if you wish to give the guy a chance.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2010): He got emotional? Are you sure he wasn't a virgin or something? In any case if you don't think things will improve then dump him before things go any further.
Maybe show him what you like or try out new ideas but if he still sucks then i think it's time to find someone new.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2010): For some men, the more they really like/care about their new partner, the more nervous they are the first couple of times. Ironically, it's because they're more concerned about impressing their new lover with a good 'performance'.
It may take a couple of times for him to relax and feel comfortable, and then - hopefully - things will get better.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2010): Sometimes the 1st time with a new person isn't a good indicator of how they are in bed really. If he was nervous or anxious at all that would explain him having a hard time (no pun intended ;p) getting/keeping an erection. It could just be because you're new.
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