A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for three and a half years. We've lived together for two of those, at least during semesters - we go to the same college. The rest of the time we go home to our families at opposite ends of the country.I will be graduating this year and I'm thinking of going to work in France for a while to improve my French skills and become more employable in my chosen field. Ideally I need to reach C1 level and I feel I'm unlikely to do so without full immersion.However, my boyfriend still has one more year of studies here in Dublin and doesn't want me to leave him. We've done long-distance before when I studied abroad for a semester and it didn't go well. I was focused on my own problems in my host country and basically used him as a sounding board. I know I didn't act like a girlfriend while I was away and I feel bad about it now, but I traveled so much before I met him and as soon as I left the country I felt like I was on my own again. It felt like a relationship "gap year" to me, like a time I could spend being independent and sometimes just focusing on getting through a day at a time. I knew he'd still be here when I got back and I was grateful to have him for emotional support when all the difficulties got me down. Nothing went wrong for him in that time so there wasn't really anything I needed to support him in... So I didn't realise what I was doing until I got back and discussed it with him.Should I back down and stay in Ireland to be with him? Dublin is very expensive, so the chances are I won't be able to afford to rent here with him for the year anyway. I'll more likely be at home, 6 hours away. And to be honest, I would be disappointed not to go. I just have itchy feet. I've lived in four different countries alone before and I want to experience something new again. But I also don't want to lose him. I love him, and I see a long future with him after he's graduated and we've decided where to settle.On the other hand, if I do go, how can I be better at keeping this a relationship rather than a "long distance friendship until we can be together again"?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2019): No, there's no option for him to transfer.
I didn't actually put "I want to travel" in the title myself, the title I chose was "I want to work abroad", because I see those as different things. Yes, I want to go because it will be fun and exciting and a chance to just kind of be my own person (because I feel like that part of my life might be kind of ending soon), but it will also be a good career move. Having a higher language level and being able to show I'd spent more time in France would look good on my CV. But my boyfriend says he doesn't want to "lose" me. I would like to be an au pair while doing a language course in France, so depending on which family I found, I would only be gone for 6-12 months. And I would have holidays and probably weekends when I could visit home. I just don't know how to convince him. I don't want to give up this plan because I think it would work well.
A
female
reader, Sweet Dreamer xxx  +, writes (8 February 2019):
 I completely understand your struggles here, I'm a big traveller and am lucky enough to have met someone that shares my love of travel, however previously my ex refused to travel, or follow me somewhere that he didn't like the look off. He would try to stop me from going and I grew to resent him for it. This problem with your partner is a little different however due to studies. Being a traveller I'd tell you to go and chase your dreams, if he loves you and wants it to work then two more semesters will not be that bad, he could visit you during his breaks away from college and you can return to see him with the time you have off. Also the bonus of the internet means that you can FaceTime one another and have a connection with one another that messages just won't suffice. Plus there is barely a time difference between Ireland and France so you won't upset one another schedules. Could you try to get him to transfer for his last year if they would let him?On the other hand, staying might not be so bad, I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. If you can really see yourself with him for the rest of your life could a year really hurt? You never know moving together after that year could be more beneficial to you, one for having that emotional support with you and two something incredible may turn up after you wait. I know situations like these can prove to be difficult but they are there to test you, the bonus is you will only come out stronger. You have learnt from the last long distance trip you did how not to approach the relationship, you could use that as a lesson and find that you manage to do it well. Good luck to you both and hope I helped.
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