A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am engaged to my lovely fiance for two years. He is everything I could possibly want and more. I love him so much, but, I almost ruined everything. I kissed another man on a night out while my fiance was on business. From my vague memory it wouldnt count as a make out session, but it was more than a peck.I wont bother with lame excuses or try to blame alcohol, although I WAS very drunk, because I am still responsible. I wont try to blame the other guy either. I wish I knew why I did it. I love my fiance and wasnt at all attracted to this other guy, I just acted on a sort of silly drunken playful affection I had. I wish I knew what possessed me to kiss a guy I had only just met and didnt even fancy, but I dont. It was a moment of utter idiocy. The other guy was, to be fair, nice enough and said forget it happened, you obviouslt love your fiance, go home to him. I planned to tell him as soon as he got home, but he got a phone call saying his mom was critically ill and I didnt feel it was the right time, he had enough to deal with. Thankfully, she pulled through, but then his grandfather died. I didnt want to cause him more upset, so I didnt tell him. A year has gone by, and I really want to tell him, but never found the right time. I am unsure how to bring it up now, and how to word it. My memory is hazy, so what kind of conversation can we really have about it? How should I go about telling him, and even though I am terrified he will leave me, I feel he deserves to know the truth. Should I sit him down and tell him everything I remember, or should I just come straight out with it?
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (21 August 2015):
 If you feel guilty tell him then apologize and say how you have and will continue to prevent a situation like that. Dont drink. It is a waste.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2015): it amazes me why anyone would feel they need an honesty session about something that didnt happen.Maybe you got all your clothes off and got into bed at his house and then at the lazt minute said breathlessly,or drunkenly ,"im supposed to be getting married..i cant have sex"..and he was probably glad to let you go just before you vomited into the sheets.Ok it asnt dignified or ladylike or a wonderful thing to do,but how will it help your guy to bring this crap up nearly a year later when things are just looking ok..how will it improve the relationship? It will bring back a load of begative feelings mingled in with bereavement and maybe embarressment unless you are dating the vicar and he could maybe absolve you.Or you could beat yourself with nettles ..or just get over it and move your mind on.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (21 August 2015):
 Believe me, don't utter a word about this. Tell me, rationally, how is this going to make your relationship better? Is it going to make your partner love you more? Is it going to strengthen your bond? Is it going to have him trust you more? No, no and no. If anything, it'll just break whatever you have.
Yes, you made a mistake but the important thing is that you learnt from it, you will never repeat is again and you have suffered enough for the last year. As Garbo said, its paradoxical-the truth will only break your partners trust in you and even though you regret it with all your heart and will never do it again, he will never trust you, no matter what.
Cherish what you have, bury the past where it is-in the past, and never ever speak about this to anyone. Its the past. Its dead. Don't look back.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (21 August 2015):
 What will you gain by telling him? Will your relationship suddenly blossom into a more trusting, romantic paradise or will it open a can a worms that could haunt your fiancé? Where there are ashes there sure was fire, so how intense was the fire - will be the question?
Do you think that you will gain more trust by telling him how you stepped one foot into infidelity but, lo, a noble guy whom you were kissing had more sense then you to send you home and save you from your own insistence to be used?
I could go on and on... But the point is that you should leave this into past, bury it deep into yourself and be sure you never repeat. It is one of the paradoxes of life: by coming out with the truth you actually loose credibility to truth. Just don't say anything to anyone. Period.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2015): Sounds like you'll keep coming up with lots of credible excuses. You did it because you took a dare with yourself; and took advantage of the opportunity, because it was there.
What exactly would telling him do? Clear your conscience? Undo what you did? Are you prepared to move on, if he is unable to forgive you?
Do you trust yourself not to do this once your married?
Is he the forgiving type?
Weigh your pros and cons, girlfriend! If you have no excuses, you did it on purpose.
I think this is a time to introspect. There was a reason you sabotaged everything on an impulse. You aren't really ready to get married, and you're not exactly sure you can remain faithful to him for now and forever. That scares you.
You're looking for a reason to slow things down, or stop them altogether. Yet come out smelling like a rose. You couldn't tell for this or that reason. I guess time will ease your conscience, if nothing else.
Relationships are built on trust. A kiss may be forgivable; but how do you prove that's all you did?
The way to make it up to him without telling him, is to never do such a thing again. Be prepared to forgive, if he makes a slip. Make it your mission to earn and keep his trust from this day forward.
If you need a reason to delay your wedding, just come right out and put wedding plans on hold. Don't come-up with off the wall nonsense.
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