A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know this isn't the place to be asking this but I need some help and advice. Please read, I know its long but Id very much appreciate as much input as possible.Im 21 years old and I couldnt be more lost in life. For years Ive put up with an abusive mother and a father who refuses to believe a word I say. Ive always done what my parents wanted and almost 2 year ago I finally rebelled and stood up for myself. I told them Im dropping out of university because truth is I cant stand the subject I was in, it was my parents who chose it for me and I tried to tell them what I want and what I like and basically that isnt the person they want or the person they want to know and refused to accept it. Well things have only gotten worse and I went back to trying to do things to make them happy but at the end of the day I cant because thats not me. Im not happy trying to be who they want and they dont want to know the real me. My problem right now is that everything in my life is going south right now. I was meant to be starting a new job and the money earned from that was going to be getting saved so I can move out (as the money I earn now doing part-time work pays my board, insurance, food etc) and my phone broke, my ipod broke, my laptop broke (im using my brothers while he sleeps, as im not allowed to use it) and the thing that makes everything worse is that I had been in a LDR for 3 and a half years and I love this guy. He was the best thing in my life, the one person who knew the real me, who loved me, who wanted me, whom I could spend hours with, who understands me, in real we are perfect together we get along great, we look great and tbh I cant picture myself with anyone else but a few months ago he got bad depression and he no longer wants anyone or anything. So I got dumped as he has no feelings and relationships is way to much work. Im devastated and well I only want him, he was my best friend I told him everything and now he's gone but I still have hope he'll come back to me.Anyways besides that I dont have that much friends, friends have always been bitchy to me and always back stabbed me so around 3 years ago I ditched them all, I couldnt deal with them and my parents and other family members so I kept my bff by my side and ditched everyone else. I now hang around with 3 girls (who all hate each other, so Im with them one at a time) and one guy.Ok so my question...Ive applied for a year visa to go to canada because its my dream to move and live there permanently. So if I get accepted the plan is obviously to make sure I have enough money and then go. Be free from my parents, start life over where I want to be and doing what I want to do.But what do I do if I get declined???My parents will kill me. (My mum has held a knife to my throat recently and told me im a useless pathetic loser who should be married, out of the house and have a good job already and its not the first time) But like I said I dont have enough money to move out but I know if i was going to canada they would leave me alone until Ive saved enough and even help me find work that earns me money but without that Im only going to get abuse. And they dont understand me or even know who I am and Im worried now because I dont know how to communicate with them. Any suggestions on what I should do if I dont get this visa? Or how I should approach my parents? Or even something that shows them that i am an independant young woman who is more than capable or being left alone to lead her own life.Im lost here right now....more than you'd ever know and Im just looking for some guidance or support since Im not getting it elsewhere.Please and thank you.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 June 2011):
 I am a bit confused, how is it that you have to go to Canada to get rid of your parents, couldn't you do that simply moving out and relocating to another town / neighborhood / street ?
Do you have a job lined up for you in Canada, or would you have to seek employement ? In this second case... well, might as well look for a job here and now , and as soon you get one, you can start saving, look for an apartment to share , and be out of your parents'home in a few months !
Why do you have to be in Canada to become independent ?I get it, Canada is your dream place, but ... Canada is there and it's not going anywhere, if you don't get a visa right now you can always try another time later on.
In the meantime, if your priority is getting out of your family environement , you don't need to emigrate, you just need to get a job, don't you ?
A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (9 June 2011):
 Wow.. I'm so sorry to hear about what you've had to go through with your parents. If I were you, I would move out NOW, prior to going to Canada. That is an extremely unhealthy environment, and holding a KNIFE to your neck IS NOT OKAY.
Find a place away from your parents and don't tell them where you're moving to. It doesn't have to be far, as long as you're not still sharing a roof with them. There is no point staying with them if you have to pay board/bills etc. And no point living in a house where you're unhappy and told that you're pathetic.
I think its probably best just to start getting some independence (living on your own) before you move to Canada. If you do end up getting the visa, what would you do there? Study? Work?
Please keep us updated! Best of wishes. x
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A
female
reader, MissTellAll  +, writes (9 June 2011):
 Wow, can I start with a big hug? I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. Frankly, I think you should have been out of there a long time ago- the very first time a knife was ever pulled or a hand was raised at you. I know that is difficult but it breaks my heart to see anyone in that position. Furthermore, aside from my deepest hopes going out to you, are you worrying over nothing? In regards to not getting your visa, I mean, all of the other things are definitely necessary to worry about. I know there's a lot at stake, but what is a legitimate reason to not get your visa? Try to calm yourself, and if all else fails seek help with local authorities maybe, because holding a knife to your throat and telling you you are 'a useless pathetic loser who should be married, out of the house and have a good job already' is not ever under any circumstances okay.In regards to your LDR. Do you talk to him still? If not, try and start conversation up again, ask him why he's so depressed, if you haven't already (though you probably have, I'm just making a suggestion). Maybe encourage him to seek professional help. If it's really as awful as it sounds then someone needs to help him before he does something stupid (or even more stupid than leaving you).As for your lack of friends, good for you for leaving the people who wronged you behind. It takes a lot of guts to ditch the people who make you unhappy, which you seemed to have done in that instance. Maybe not it's time to ditch the other people who make you unhappy (ie your parents).If you don't get your visa, though, maybe try and relocate somewhere else- anywhere else. Do not stay near your parents and if possible help any siblings you have to get away from the abusive behavior as well (but above all else look out for you). I really wish you the best of luck. All of this I've said is purely opinion and may not be the best advice, but it's the best I could muster. Really though, I hope things get better for you.
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