A
female
age
13-15,
Mangobear
writes:I am 15 years old, I live with my mom and 14 year old sister. I have been with my 17 year old boyfriend for six months now, and he wants me to move in with him and he and I want to have a baby. We both feel ready for this. And I know its a big responsibility to have a baby at only 15. But I feel I am ready. I need advice as how to go about well, moving out. I am not in school I am being homeschooled. I would feel bad for leaving behind this life for a fresh start and I think that no matter how bad this relationship with my mom and sister is they dont deserve me just to up and leave but we both want this. I need advice on how do I maybe as bad as I dont want to maybe tell my mom. And how to make her see that we both love each other and he can take care of me and my baby. Please anything would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 September 2008):
 Someoneelse, you just proved our point about the decision making abilities of some young teens. I hope things go well for you and your daughter.
A
female
reader, someoneelse  +, writes (10 September 2008):
I guess what I am trying to tell you is that making a baby is such a HUGE decision,that once you make it you can't unmake it. I bow my head in humility every time someone new asks me how old my kids are. The math is really easy to do.
My daughter did the math when she was in grade 3, and so did all her friends, I couldn't find any answers for all the questions she was asking me and all I knew was that I didn't want her to end up the same way. How can you expect your child not to do something when you did it yourself? and she knows. My biggest fear has always been how people might treat my daughter because of what I did. This is a huge guilt to live with everyday of your life. Also I am invisable at school parent meetings, Gymnastics, Figure skating, Karate, Swimming lessons and everything else that requires parental involvement. Do you want to be invisable or do you want to wait till everyone else your age is all having children and you know all these people well and you fit in. I really hope I am touching base on all the subjects so you can make the right decision. I would go on and on all day just to reason with you. Feel free to talk to me when ever you need to.
Also, if what you are feeling is so strong because you actually really love kids then I think you should volunteer or get a job at a daycare, This would help you save up funds for University (for yourself) or whatever your long term plans are, and it would give you some great experience in preparation for becoming a mother (when u r 25)I hope you weigh out the pro's & con's. If your mother is open about conversations like this and doesn't have a quick temper then you should weigh out the pro's and con's with her, she knows you better than you know yourself if you could believe that. And she would probly know which topics to address in helping you to make the right decision.
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A
female
reader, someoneelse +, writes (10 September 2008):
I can't stand seeing people treat a 15 year old as if they are incompetant of making a big decision, I am glad you asked because asking and weighing out the logic is far greater than just jumping into a major decision. I was 14 when I had my first baby, when I got preg I sure grew up fast and learned alot in life, sadly my boyfriend did not he stayed in party mode and I was then left out of it because I was preg. (Really would you want a fetal alcohol baby?) So I tried to find a job to support me and my baby (Who is gonna hire a 14 or 15 year old) but had no luck. It was clear for me to see that the only way to support this baby was to be on welfare and finish my Grade 12 then get some secondary. By the time I finished my secondary she was now 10 years old and we still had no house we could call our own. Have you checked out how high a mortgage is. sure he might have a low end job now but if you guys stick it out at least till you finish school (without having a baby), by then he could have a really good paying job and the outcome would be much better for you, him & baby. Trust me it is almost impossible to raise a baby and be a good mom when you don't even know where your next meal is gonna come from. You will be a much better mom if you start your family after you already have all the answers to these questions. Ideally, the day you have your baby is also the day you should start saving up for their Collage or University, Do you know where you would get the money for that, once you become a parent you will find out that every parent wants more for their children then they have for themselves. I used to wish and pray I could move away from my parents, then I could make my own rules. Now I wish and pray I could move out and not have to drown in all this debt. Also I lived in a home for unwedd mothers for a while and there was a girl there that had a baby to keep a guy, Turned out that he took off the minute she got nocked up. She kept waiting for him to show up at our home and he kept telling her he was gonna come and get her, she played video games while her baby screamed blue murder in his crib, he was 5 months old and didn't know how to smile yet because that is just how much attension she gave him, I felt sorry for the little gaffer and I would sneak into her room just to play with him and keep him from crying. Anyway the guy never showed up, she finally gave up on the relationship and gave her 8 month old baby up for adoption.
Not to mention, what happened with all my friends, you see when you are pregnant you are no fun anymore and nobody calls you or wants to hang out with you because they are all in party mode and you can't be. or how degrading it feels when you go out of your way to hang out with all your pretty little skinny "Friends" and you are the only one there who is fat and unattractive. Do you know that your boobs go all saggy and discusting after you have a baby and they deflate, just explore the possability that you might have to look for another man with these saggy breasts (which by the way didn't get to grow as big as they would have been cause you had your baby too young) and your nice saggy stomache and possibly the scar across it (from a C-Section) how easy would it be to find someone when you look like that and all the other girls your age are still all tight and sexy little bodies? HOney, for the sake of your unborn baby WEIGH out the logic, write down on a peice of paper how much you would love to give this wonderful gift from god and then think about if you could afford all these things, does your baby deserve less? no absolutely not. plan out where exactly you would have to be in your life in order to give this precious love child everything you would want for him/her. If your man actually loves you then he will still be there in 10 years when the time is right.
There is a major difference between Lust and Love - Love is when you know someone completely inside and out and you are the same and you match. - Lust is where you are dumbfounded by the person and you can barely breath when they are in the room. you would do anything just to make them happy and change yourself completely just to wake up one day and find out you are actually not the person you want to be and you really have nothing in common with this person yet you are stuck with them.
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A
female
reader, michelleAKAmandi +, writes (9 September 2008):
 Sweetie,at 15 you are not ready to do as you think. Here is your first clue... QUOTE, "I need advice as how to go about well, moving out".If you are not sure of how to do something as simple as that, then you're definitely not ready to make a major decision in life such as just that, move out or have a baby. Also, if you move out, will you have the initiative to complete your education? or will you be more apt to play the wife role that you are finding so interesting right now? Listen and learn ALL that you can right now, take this time to grow and ENJOY your time as a child. You are a child wanting to have a child. You have SO much to experience and can do so many things that are fun. When you are tied to a child, you won't be able to just up and go when you want too. Think really hard before you make a move on your thoughts sweetie.Let us know what you think about what we've said.Good luck,Michelle
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 September 2008):
You know I'd really like to have the power to let this unborn future child be able to weigh in on this decision. Either that or a crystal ball that would show you the future if you make such lousy decision. But since I have neither but have raised two 15 year old girls before, I know it can just be a waste of breath. I guess I can only hope that you wise up, and if not, that you don't live in North Carolina.
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A
male
reader, previasc96 +, writes (9 September 2008):
You need to finish school and get a secondary education too. You'd be making your life unecessarily hard by moving in with him and having a baby now.
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A
female
reader, Annalisa  + ♥, writes (9 September 2008):
 I don't like to presume or judge, but I get the feeling that you see your boyfriend more as a way out of your family than anything else. Marriage/living together raises lots of challenges which test a relationship to its limits.
It is best for both parties to be independant and lead fulfilled lives with or without the other. In other words, your lives should complement each other, not put you in a position where you'll feel it's you against the world, because as romantic as it seems, it's unhealthy for your future and for your children, and it won't last.
You both need to be legally old enough for sex and marriage, he needs to have a job that will pay enough to cover rent, food, clothes and nappies;
also, if you don't know how to talk to your mum, how can you raise a child to be open with you?
I suggest you keep dating your boyfriend and work on your relationship with your family first.
If you're not at school, do you have enough to keep you busy outside the family? How are you with people? Do you have a job?
A little more life and experience will go a long way in making your relationship with your boyfriend happyer and stronger!
If you're so sure you're in love for life, what's the rush?
Let him depend on his family a bit longer and get a college education, he'll need qualifications for a good job!
If you're adamant you want to move in together, you'll need your mother's permission, as you're still legally too young, so get talking and ask her for some advice.
Remember that nobody's perfect and it's hard being a mum, but every mother loves her children and being older will have so much more experience than you, so listen to her advice.
How to approach her on the subject: sit her down with a cup of hot cocoa and calmly tell her you're happy, in love and that you need her advice. Tell her that you both want to build a life together and live with each other. Does she think you're too young? What can she advise?
Be ware of standing your ground too much, or she won't listen! A calm and open approach shows maturity and will help you get a better reaction.
God bless you and good luck!
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A
female
reader, claireleatherdale +, writes (9 September 2008):
 ok it sounds like u don't want 2 go but u want 2 be with this guy no matter what so here's my advice u and ur bf sit down with ur mum and his parents and talk about it in a mutal enviroment say like in the park or somthing don't do it in ur house and don't do it in his and see if ur parents can come up wit a soluition to this problem with u it may work if u try it out with both of u living together at ur mum's or his parents house because we never really truely know some one until we live with them and i think your too young to be on your own if it doesn't work out with this lad
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A
female
reader, mpumi  +, writes (9 September 2008):
 you are very young to think about a baby you should focus your energies at school,let me tell you something you don't know about young boys they are immature, can you imagine at your age being a mom without a future. if he really love and wants to have a good life with you he would consider your future and only to enjoy life together enjoying each others company not moving out of your home because of some stupid young boy who doesn't have a direction in life-sorry for being so harsh and you need to know that this is all about your future not him.wake up gal.
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A
female
reader, mpumi +, writes (9 September 2008):
you are very young to think about a baby you should focus your energies at school,let me tell you something you don't know about young boys they are immature, can you imagine at your age being a mom without a future. if he really love and wants to have a good life with you he would consider your future and only to enjoy life together enjoying each others company not moving out of your home because of some stupid young boy who doesn't have a direction in life-sorry for being so harsh and you need to know that this is all about your future not him.wake up gal.
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A
female
reader, miss know it all +, writes (9 September 2008):
i really think you need to think things through properly you definitely are to young to have a baby i had a little boy when i was 19 and it is very hard and if you do decide to have a baby you really need to look at what having a baby entails its not as easy as you think. I suggest you and your boyfriend sit down with your mother and discuss things through with her because the best advice you can get is from her. Even though you both love each other very much you really need to think things through. I think its best to wait for a few years because uve only been with your boyfriend for 6 months and its best to see where your reltionship will at that stage. U will also have to look at the expense of having a baby and then when you get a house because ul have your household bills to pay aswell.
I really hope this advice helps you discover what you really want to do.
good luck hunny
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