A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:This is a bit long.Thank you for paying attention to my question.Now, I shall inform you about the main person of the problem. It's a male teacher, he teaches us Chemistry at school. He is forty seven years old, and has a daughter. His daughter is my classmate too. You may wonder about me. I am an adult (18 years old finished). I study in high school. For your information, I am a person with physical disabilities (handicap), plus my hands tremble while doing everything, and I can't walk properly. The said teacher came to know about my disabilities in Chemistry laboratory of the school, where I spilled the liquid on the platform so many times from the conical flask. He came to me and asked me so many questions about where I had been studying before, what's wrong with my body, what subjects interest me and helped me in the experiment (practical). After that day, he started growing affectionate to me. He would enter the class, look at me very first, and give a warm smile with a wave. I would smile back because it's normal to smile at a teacher. It was different when he did that everyday. By the way, because of my disabilities, I don't have friends. I usually sit alone at the very first bench. Some of my classmates have mentioned that this teacher stares at me often. He started having small talks in the school hallways with me soon after some days. His eyes would lit up whenever he saw me. Then he asked me if I had Facebook, I said 'yes', so we became friends (on Facebook l.o.l.) and started talking on Facebook too. He said that I was the only one whom he had added on Facebook. He didn't seem to have bad intentions because had never touched me in an inappropriate way. He gave me his number saying that he'll help me in anything. No matter what. There was an incident in the lab where I told my classmate to call him because I wanted to ask a question and showed her the question too. She called him and explained the question, it was a question from a subject he doesn't teach. He refused to answer, but she told him that I was the one who wanted to ask the question. He stared at me with a calm face, then a smile appeared on his face, 'I'll explain!' He said with a grin. My classmate was shocked and so was I ! He is still my teacher and this is my last year with him. He says, 'No matter what happens, never unfriend me on Facebook! I don't want to lose a nice person like you.' Since a few days, he has started touching me. No, not that way. He would pat or rub my head when I make progress in study. He has ruffled my hair once. By the way, he spends time with me on Facebook for 3 hours. He has never commented anything on my statuses, but liked them. But he does compliment me at school about my personality. I just want to know what is going on in his mind. Can you tell?Again, thank you so much.
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female
reader, ova-valentine  +, writes (11 November 2016):
 I think this relationship with your teacher doesn't mean a dangerous relationship, but it definitely doesn't mean a completely harmless one. So if you follow these key safety rules, you will be perfectly fine.
1. If he ever does ANYTHING that makes you uncomfortable, at ALL, you can slowly ease out of the friendship without making a big deal out of it.
You can do the following to ease yourself out of it: If he tries talking to you online (through Facebook), don't reply or view the messages. And if he asks you why you haven't been responding, tell him you are trying to use the Internet less.
If he strikes up a conversation in real life that's not strictly school-related, respond with, "Yes, that's nice," or "No, not really" simple type answers to end the conversation quicker.
And if you have a question in class, just ask the question, recieve the answer, and be done with it. Don't connect it to any experience or start a conversation. Just continue your work so he will walk away.
2. Never, no matter what anyone says, NEVER meet up with him outside school. Even if it's a public place. NEVER.
3. When he pats you on the head or treats you differently, don't respond positively. Make sure you are neutral and don't signal to him that you like how he is doing this.
Best of luck, Ovania V.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2016): I'm a teacher and I agree this man's behaviour looks at best unprofessional and at worst grooming. I'm the same age as this man and it doesn't make sense to me that anyone in the teaching profession in the 21st century wouldn't be extremely aware of their behaviour with students. It's something most teachers are very conscious of and our biggest fear is a false accusation.I live in the UK and don't know what rules educational institutions have in Iceland but I'd imagine they're pretty similar. Touching isn't allowed unless you're guiding someone. Befriending a student on Facebook and giving out your private number is also banned in a lot of institutions.In this case patting you on the head and ruffling your hair could be a way of seeing how you react to his touch. Even if its innocent it's still patronising given that you aren't 8 yrs old. I don't like the "Never unfriend me" comment no matter how it was put. This man is your 47 yr old teacher, not a 17 yr old with a crush. Talking for 3 hours with you seems really over the top - was it all about schoolwork? All in all I would not be at all happy if I found out a colleague was behaving in the manner.If I were you I'd stop talking to him on Facebook, or if you have to keep it brief. Remain polite at school but don't go out of your way to speak to him beyond schoolwork. If he touches you pull away as he simply shouldn't be doing it. If he in any way acts negatively to this, ie starts asking you what the problem is, then report him, because even if to him it's all innocent he should know what he's doing could be misinterpreted. Unfortunately a small minority of teachers are predators and teenagers can be taken advantage of, but because you have a disability and you lack friends you are especially vulnerable. If this man was a genuinely kind soul he's be trying to help you befriend people your own age, like his daughter, not isolating you and keeping you to himself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2016): Let me be the devil's advocate here.It is possible this teacher is grooming you for a potential sexual relationship. Eyes wide open. Never be too naïve or trusting of ANYONE. Including people in positions of authority. Sometimes they are the worst of abusers. It is entirely possible this man is trying to get close to you in order to build trust, establish a comfort level, all as building blocks to a potential relationship. I think you need to be aware of this possibility in order to protect yourself from being taken advantage of and watch for any other signs of escalation.I am sorry but it is not normal or acceptable for a male teacher to friend a young female student on Facebook. Not only this but to spend 3 hours at a time with her on social media. WTF? He had also said he never friends any of his students on Facebook. Just YOU. This is deliberate on his part in order to make you feel SPECIAL and to flatter you. Which will make you fall for his game. It is a strategy the predator uses. And asking you never to unfriend him is also flattering you. Again, the same tactic being used and over used. This guy is really smooth. And he's full of $hit! He is really laying it on thick!Why does he not like or comment on your public wall where all your friends and family see your stuff? There is a reason. He does not want anyone to know he is corresponding with you. Because he KNOWS it is inappropriate and that he will get into trouble. When somebody is keeping things secret, that is a red flag. I suspect he is chatting with you behind the scenes. On Messenger? He is going above and beyond the call of duty. He needs to back off. He is not your parent. Nor your friend. Nor your caregiver. Nor your cheerleader. He is your teacher. Period. He is stepping over the line.What I strongly suggest you do is TELL YOUR PARENTS exactly what is going on here.He thrives on secrecy. It is a perfect weapon in his game.They will need to decide what to do about this.Please TELL THEM.If he knows they know, it diffuses his plans. He will know he is being watched and I guarantee you, he is going to take 50 steps back. And you will see a total change in his behaviour once he is outed.Whatever his intentions, sexual or not, he has crossed the line. And I do believe he needs to be reprimanded.You are much to young to see what is going on and much too young not to get out of the line of fire.People like this use your inexperience and youth and vulnerability to their advantage to manipulate and lure you into situations which are unhealthy and damaging to you. The fact you are here asking this question to me shows his plan is already working.So, please sweetie, tell your parents.It is always good to be armed with knowledge and to be able to avert any situation which could hurt you.The only people in life you truly love and care about you are your parents and family.Nobody else. And especially not slime ball teachers like this one.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 November 2016):
 He sees that you have no friends or no support at school so he is stepping in. He is trying to be a good person and help you where he can. He is trying to raise your confidence and allow you to be happier at school. Have you any worries about his behaviour? If not then accept that he is being kind.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (5 November 2016):
 There is absolutely nothing going on in his mind. He's nice to you because of your problems and he sympathizes with you. He's extra nice because he knows that you don't have friends and he doesn't want you to feel any different because of your handicaps.
Are you uncomfortable by the attention that he's giving you or are you enjoying it, expecting more? My guess is that you think he's interested in you but please don't ruin someone's good intentions by thinking in this way. There is still goodness left in the world and everything need not be sexual or have a dubious intention behind it. I could be wrong if course but from what you write, he seems to be a genuinely good guy and would undoubtedly be very hurt knowing that you're questioning his intentions.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2016): It sounds like he is being supportive towards you because of your disability. He hasn't said or done anything wrong as far as you have written. What is your worry?
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