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I want to know his thoughts about our dating future but I'm afraid to ask

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Question - (30 July 2015) 3 Answers - (Newest, 31 July 2015)
A female Canada age , anonymous writes:

I have been divorced for 20 years, dating but without commitment. Seven months ago I met a recently widowed man (whose family I had known for years, but not him).

I am 78 and he is 72. I want to know his thoughts about

our future together, but afraid to ask. HOw should I

approach the subject, or should I wait?

View related questions: divorce

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A female reader, Abella United States +, writes (31 July 2015):

Abella agony auntHopefully he will move faster than me.

It took me two years after being widowed before I was ready to even consider dating again.

And he most certainly will eventually appreciate the companionship and friendship he'll start to miss, now or soon or in the future.

Though maybe not yet.

WiseOwl is correct - offer a nice meal but don't expect too much too soon.

At first he may feel he's being disloyal to his late wife, if he even contemplates a friendly friendship.

Try to draw him out to tell you all about the hobbies or activities that give him pleasure.

If you are too eager he may back off.

And do allow him to talk about his ex wife, if he brings up the subject. It is part of his grieving and she will always be the woman he loved and married originally.

By listening to him you will learn a lot more about what is important to him and why.

If he invites you to his home still take things slowly. And do enourage him to keep photos of his ex-wife on show.

His probably 50 years of happy memories are a part of his life.

He can learn to love another, but there is no need to banish all his memories such as photos and other treasure associated with his wife.

He will appreciate your generosity of spirit if you can notice the positives about his wife. Such as an exceedingly tidy linen closet, or some fine embroidery or how lovely she looked on her wedding day. You can't resent her place in his heart - after all you are in the here and now, while she is deceased. She is no threat to you.

The love he had for his wife is still a part of who he is.

But with time those same qualities that made him a loving husband can be available to another partner when he feels ready to move forward towards a future without his late wife by his side, emotionally, and in his thoughts.


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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (31 July 2015):

If he's recently widowed, it may be some time before he is serious about dating.

If you'd like to spend time with him; offer him a home-cooked meal, and see how eager he is to accept. I'm almost certain he would appreciate a good meal and the company of a nice woman. Dating may never occur to him at this stage in his life; maybe if the opportunity was made available, perhaps he may seize that opportunity. Use your subtle charms to coax him a bit.

Dating may not be on his mind quite yet, but the company of a lady and a good meal may suit him fine. That's the quickest way to a man's heart you know!

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A female reader, Keeley345 United Kingdom +, writes (31 July 2015):

If you've been dating for 7 months then things seem to be going well. Before you know it you'll have been together a year. Question is what do you want out of it? You say you've been dating without commitment but ask about his thoughts for the future.

In my experience of dating, 'no commitment' means you are together simply for the company or sex and you usually live separately. Is this how your relationship is? No commitment means not expecting anything more from the other person long term e.g marriage.

If you want more and maybe deep down you do, then you'll have to ask him what he wants too. When we start dating someone we usually find out early on whether that person wants kids or marriage for example. You too also express what you would like in a relationship. So from the start you have some idea of the future of the relationship. Has he hinted at a long term relationship, not necessarily with marriage involved?

Some couples co-habit and never marry out of choice. Is this the two of you? But if you have been together 7 months, then it looks like it is going into a long term thing. Are you two getting on well? That is a good sign too xxxxxx

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