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Help me with my craziness! Its like I enjoy being angry at my boyfriend!

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 July 2015) 5 Answers - (Newest, 2 August 2015)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Hi guys :)

I am just wanting a bit of advice about overcoming my Craziness. Recently I have been feeling more and more upset with Some things that my boyfriend does. Little things will upset me or I ll get in my head about a certain things. At the time I am positive its his fault and I wont speak to him or tell him why I am upset. But looking back I know its not his fault at all but I cant help myself, its like I enjoy being angry at him. I feel so guilty afterwards because hes so sweet and would never knowingly upset.

So any advice on this would be much appreciated :)

Thanks

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2015):

I grew up in house where everybody argued and you know what we kind of enjoyed it. 'I love a good row' I once quoted, I feel kind of relived afterwards and actually laugh about it. It's a way to let off steam for me. 5 mins later to be honest I have usually forgotten it. I have been with people before who didn't really get it and would sulk and I'd moved on already. Some people are not used to that and probably that's more the norm. Where as I don't feel upset by it, it's part of how I communicate. I do extremes, if I love something I LOVE it equally if I hate it you get the idea.

My boyfriend is the same as me he is very excitable and likes to go on a rant about things, then 5 mins later we laugh about it.

I guess only you know if this is part of your personality and your boyf is a good match , or this is you being truly upset and angry at him and making him feel bad. It is about how you make someone feel. Do you think what you are doing is upsetting him, or does he laugh it off and not care?

I do think Wiseowls post is very good advice.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2015):

Firt of all... I am one of the guys who find angry/crazy women hot... But on a serious note, you should treat him with as much love and respect he treats you.

But im not aware of your dynamic as a couple... For all we know he could be enjoying it as well. But be really careful just 1 girl that'll show up and show him appreciation and not to mention a smile... Then no one could blame him if he decides to leave you... The best ways to handle these things is by being honest , confront him and see what he really thinks about you and your personality. It may change things for the better, and there will be much more understabding if you explain yourself right away.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2015):

ok ,your young,your human and your paranoically crazy but to ENJOY upsetting your boyfriend...wellthats just MEAN!!You really are floundering over the basic concepts of friendship and kindness and may need therapy to discover what motives you to act like this.Perhaps you have been very badly hurt inthe past emotionally or physically and like a worn out record keep chipping on trying to recreate conflict and tension so that you feel you can control it. Talking therapies let you explore new ways to deal with old painful experiences but unfortunately its best not to turn to friends for this because you need to be able to drop the conversation when you leave the room and just take tbe seeds of your newfound knowledge with you into the rest of your life, so good luck with that if you try it. Professional counselling is supposed to be nonjudgemental and confidential but dont be suprised if you you are confrontational and fiesty because presumably that is what you value yourself on. It takes time to learn other methods but after you give it a try you will know if it works for you or not.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2015):

Have you changed your birth control lately maybe? I went on to the Patch from the Pill and three months later and many fights and tears and panic attacks later it clicked and I came off the Patch and now I'm fine again! It was almost immediate. Anyway, hormonal bcp doesn't suit everyone you have to shop around :-)

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (31 July 2015):

Being moody and snippy is the fastest way I know to get rid of a boyfriend.

If you are aware you're doing it, then stop. People can tolerate only so much foolishness. He may be very patient with you, and you're pushing the envelop. Don't be surprised if out of nowhere he decides to dump you. How about that?

You may be getting restless; but clinging to him for fear of being alone if you let him go. Or you're just afraid of how you'd feel, if he met another girl. You don't want him, but you don't want anyone else to have him. Maybe all of the above?

Are you having a lot of family problems or pressure at work and/or school? Sometimes pressure makes us edgy. Hormones during growth spurts(your body continues developing and growing until you're nearly 22) also makes you feel confused and bitchy, and you don't even know why. Not to mention PMS. Even then, being mean is no excuse.

If you notice it yourself, it is getting out of hand. You may be a little spoiled, and take having a boyfriend a little for granted. Often, people take advantage of a another person's easy-going nature, just to see what it takes to push their buttons. I think that's more along the lines of what you're doing.

Here's some incentive to help you get a grip. Some girl who is nicer than you will catch his attention; and he'll see her as a better alternative. That's when you'll want him more than anything, and the jealousy will eat you up. She'll be nicer to him, and he'll really appreciate it; because of you and your abuse. Yes, it's abuse. The thing that will really piss you off, is seeing how happy he is with her.

Hows that?

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