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female
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anonymous
writes: My ex and I broke up about a year ago due to just being tired (especially him) from arguments, etc..and other issues.. no one cheated, there was alot of love i think.. we did not have contact because he knows I can't be friends with him and he knows my intentions now.(to get back together)I contacted him and we have been talking for a few months.. we spoke about meeting but sort of never followed through with the plans... I think he is hesitant to move forward, doesn't want to jump back in as if we are serious right where we left off which in some sense is understandable.. I think he wants things more casual right now with not much expectation. I did tell him I am kind of done mentioning meeting and he said he knows I am making a genuine effort and maybe he needs to get his head together. So I said ok, well I guess after the holidays and he said ok. I think there have been less phone calls since mentioning meeting. Just taking extra days for him to call. We spoke Sunday and now it is his turn to call and I am not going to be the one to call because he has to make some effort as well.Sometimes I want to speak up now and say what is the big deal, let's just move forward but being pushy makes someone run and usually doesn't work. Should I wait it out and give him some more time? like another month or so after holidays and then speak up saying we need to move forward a little bit otherwise what is the point in talking. I do think he has some feelings for me but I think he is just hesitant to move forward and is stalling. I figure time will tell what will happen; its just hard at times not knowing.
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male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (12 December 2009):
 Oh mate I couldnt be bothered with that.... no don't stop being who you are. I don't see your doing anything wrong your just doing what's right for you, but babe unfortunatley this bloke is not for you. The right one will want you just as much as you want him.
dont be played, move on find another that has the same feelings, theres plenty of em out there ;)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2009): You are being too eager and this will be the lifetime pattern of your relationship if you don't control it now. You will always be the one initiating and pushing and he will be the one resisting. Just tell him maybe you need to take a break from this and move on, maybe try Internet dating or something. When you have been with someone a little while, its a total myth that if you tell them what you want they will run. I am dating this guy who is a millionaire so he has women throwing themselves at him all the time. I am not even as pretty as some of these girls and I am not skinny either AND I am a single mother! In the beginning, I made sure he initiated contact 90% of the time. If he didn't call for a couple of days I didn't rant at him about why he didn't call. I also didn't return at least 50% of his calls. If I called him and he didn't answer, he would only see ONE missed call from me, not 5. As the relationship became more serious after about 6 months, I told him (lightheartedly) that if this relationship was only going to end here with just dating, then I would rather not continue it. I told him my expectations and then we carried on with other fun things we were discussing. 2 months later he proposed! For most guys, the thrill is in the chase. Back off a little and let him do some of the sweating. If he doesn't pursue you when you have given him some space then he is the wrong guy. Just move on without making a long theatrical speech.
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