A
male
age
30-35,
*47
writes:I haven't been in any relationships, had sex, kissed or even held hands with a girl before. I always get anxious when I talk a girl talks to me let alone when I have to approach a girl. I lack a lot of confidence and am very shy because of this. I have trouble looking strangers in the eye and talk to them. I want to be able to increase my confidence. Is there anything I can do daily that will help? Should I try to completely desensitize myself by doing something very embarrassing (eg? Don't shower for a month and wear a dildo on my forehead)?I want to have a girlfriend and lose my virginity, please help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): Yeah not showering for a month, that will increase your confidence....
Stop judging yourself on never having kissed a girl and going straight to I want to lose my virginity.
It isn't a race and when the time is right it will happen for you.
Your mere desperation is probably keeping people away. Seriously, focus on something else, school, making more friends, joining a club, getting a life.
When you become interesting, the girls will find you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): I would never recommend nobody to lose their virginity without being married. So I can't support you on that one but I just wanted you to understand you can't focus on your biggest goal because you'll get more nervous. Focus on trying to be around girls first and take things step by step. Confidence is something you have to gain one step at a time. Accept your personality. So you are shy. You need to work a little more on social stuff but you still have qualities and I'm sure lots of good things to share with girls.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan  +, writes (6 May 2008):
 OK, you're right in understanding that you need to work on building your comfort with girls. I'll make the assumption that you must have a female friend that you feel comfortable talking to and hanging with (or a close guy friend has a group that you can join them in heading out and socializing). I would recommend just trying to build your confidence with that.
Also, I'd say you need an "ice breaker". Are you funny? Can you tell a good joke? Laughter is a universal thing and everyone loves somebody that can tell a good joke. But, if that's not your thing, don't force it.
Last thing: I've Googled this before. There are tons of sources on the net for ebooks and blogs about building your confidence. Start with the free stuff first. Some of the suggestions might be able to help you. Another source I just thought of -- go to About.com and search for keywords like "shy" or "shyness" -- they usually have interesting articles and might have other sources from there.
Don't worry -- you'd be surprised at the people now that were once painfully shy at your age... including me!
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