I want to end it with my BF but don't have the courage. Can he sense I'm detaching?

A female age 51-59, anonymous writes:

Hi All, I have been with my BF for 16 months and am really close to breaking up with him, as I have found it hard, work, him secretive and I suspected him of cheating, although I cannot prove it. Can guys sense it when you are detaching? I have suffered alot during the relationship had countless sleepless nights and drank alot of alcohol to cope ( which now thankfully ,I have got a grip on). There were many issues, including him trying to make me wait in for him all the time, being a bit controlling and not really respecting me. He has been like that with women all his life, and ore or less told me he was not a great BF to his exes. I really feel for him and was in pain and felt like I was bashing my head against a brick wall. He lives very near me, so it's a bit tricky, and i am finding it really hard to do that last bit and let it go. He has somehow, I think sensed it, and is now going out of his way to see me more, which I have been asking him to do for over a year and he was stubborn and refused, and he is now anxious, offering to give me money when I need it, looking at me differently, and getting snappy in between looking lovingly at me. Basically, he is swinging in and out of being really loving and then getting panicky, and going out of his way , then trying to please me, although he has reverted back to his old ways once or twice, but they are not working, as I am now calling his bluff on all the nasty games he used to play.( eg: not answering his phone, making me 'wait' indoors for him all the time, being unreliable, aand taking me for granted) plus, now I have started looking like my old self again( eg; cheerful and dressing well again, where as before I looked a mess, as I was hungover most days,and miserable...) I feel more confident and am ripe for an affair ,or to meet the right person who will treat me as I deserve to be treated, but am struggling with his good efforts now and kind of feel torn, as he is trying as much as he can. I don't know if I should give him one more chance, as it has taken me to pull away, not show any neediness ( which I used to have all the time, but now it is naturally dwindling ) and to start realising there are other nice guys out there who will treat me well, although I still l have this huge sexual jealousy about him. Put it this way, we never did have that much sex ,and now all of a sudden he wants it most days. He seems worried, and I still love him, but have become hardened to the pain, and numb, even though I would love to have been with him properly. He even made a comment about me wearing revealing clothes yesterday, which I wasn;t. I was just wearing nice skirts and tops now rather than jeans and old tee -shirts, as I did not have the inklination to dress nicely all those months , and he made some shifty comment about it being for 'attention' and made a big thing of walking round our neighbourhood, holding my hand to show everyone I was his. That was nice, but it did not happen before. I think sometimes the only way I can get out of this fully is to date someone new, as I still don;t have the strength to move on alone. Should I give this guy another chance? or fizzle it out until I meet someone new? I do love him, and always have. Does he know how I feel? I have not said it in as many words, and we still have a lovely time when we are togther, but there is this tension in the air. Please help. xxx Thank you. xxx

View related questions: affair, his ex, jealous, money, move on, neighbour, swinging

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