A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello auntsI have been hugely lucky to have had a job that allowed me 2 visit NYC, I have been in live with the place since I can remember, I think it's cause my grandad was a seaman and visited NYC hundreads of times and would come back to England and bring us gifts and tell us stories.. As an adult when ever I visit I always feel like I have come home, since I have had kids I don't do the same job so have only visited NYC as a tourist twice in 5 years.. Recently I have been thinking that I would like to move there (outskirts) esp since my hubbys specilised job in a rare database is in much demand over there... Another friend of ours just went there and makes a fortune and said my Hubby could walk into a job but my Hubby won't.. He flatly refuses to even discuss.. He likes NYC but says the UK is best for us and kids but I disagree, America offes my kids much more.. Plus I am literally aching too go...How do I get him too change his mind Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2009): He won't budge because he's obviously the brains behind your operation. Unless you've got some kind of tenured or government position, or your husband's job promises to pay nearly $2XX,XXX per year, or you are in possession of a lot of $$$$, then forget your "dream" and realize that you would be doing a major disservice to your family by moving them.Best thing to do for you: go over to visit for a while and be sure to talk to locals with kids (not recent immigrants who know nothing about what could happen to your family as a result of your decision to attempt to live permanently in NY - or SF or San Diego or any of those other "dreamy" places you are thinking about.) Be sure to ask locals about lots of details pertaining to schools, jobs, medical care, taxes, quality of life.If you do your homework like I ask you and have any common sense, you will stay in the UK. NYC or any US city like it is a losing proposition for you and your family.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2009): UK IS BETTER OVERALL, Much cheaper in terms of medical etc and minimal guns even in london. Enough said. Hope you choose right descision
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (29 November 2009):
 I hate to say it, but your kids' passion for NYC may be just reflected from your own love of the place. At that age, visiting somewhere like that is VERY exciting, as it is all new and different, and a complete opposite to everything they know at home. However, I do not think they truely understand the consequences of a move there.
1) they have only experienced it as a 'holiday' destination. So every day is packed full of fun things to do, sightseeing, visiting attractions. Every day is different and they all involve something new and exciting. New food, new places, sights, smells, people. This is great for a holiday, but what happens when the magic wears off? They WILL have to go to school, you will have to get a job, there will be bills to pay. They will not be able to go out and explore every day of the week, going out, spending money like water (as you do on holiday). Real life is not like an extended holiday.
2) Do they actually realise that a move would mean probably not seeing their friends again? Especially for the 14 year old this will be a MASSIVE thing. They are just beginning to forge social relationships, friendships, the beginning of childhood crushes. At that age, friends are everything and to suddenly have everything you know and love taken away will be a big shock to the system. Its not a holiday, and you wont be coming back after 6 weeks. This is for good.
3)Schooling. at 14, im guessing they are in yr9/10? So either just thinking about starting GCSE's or already in the process. These are very important, and moving your child at this stage would put them back a long way. The education system is very different in America, so your child would have to do a lot of catching up in the "way" they learn as much as the material covered. The subjects are taught differently and viewpoints differ. Materials covered in languages would be completely different. Only the core skills would remain the same. At the moment they are settled and can concentrate fully on getting good grades - how would they be affected by a move to a new system? Without good grades they lack the chance for a good job and good prospects - do you want to risk that?
Also if they ever wanted to come back and do a degree at a UK University, they may well be classed as overseas students, so would pay about double the normal fees.
Personally, I think that sometimes the vision we have of a place we rarely visit can be coloured with rose tinted glasses. Its exciting, new and special. Living in it day after day, week after week, you begin to see the real place. The rubbish on the streets, the crime, the murders, the violence, the horrible weather. All these things you miss when you dont see it all the time.
I would say, keep this special place as just that - a special place which you can visit, enjoy and go to as a treat. Make is a holiday destination where you can visit once a year maybe? That way it will retain the sparkle which you so love about it.
I do think you are going to have to be careful tho, as it is obvious that you are VERY resentful to your husband about this, because he will not agree with you and is not prepared to uproot his family and his job just for you. This is the kind of thing that will fester under the surface and the more you mope and sulk about it, the worse it will be. He is doing the best thing for you as a family, and often living out the fantasy in your head, the reality is often very different and nothing like we expect it to be. Maybe he is being the sensible one, because he is not blinded by love for the place - maybe, just maybe he can see the reality to this situation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you very much for your replys
Since b4 kids I worked as a purser 4 BA, so I have literally seen 80% of the world, including australia & nz, I have to agree they r amazing places, there r also places in the USA I really like & have spent between 4-6 weeks in ESP San diago & San francisco & if course we as a family have been to Florida 5 times & the kids love it
My kids r older 8,10 & 14 & share my passion for all things NYC last year me & my family spent nearly 2 months based in NYC & travelled round north, we did this cause my hb said if we went & I still wanted to go then we would talk (he thought it was a pipe dream) we came back & me & kids were more certain than ever about it all.. But he flatly refused to even look into it, as regards to going it alone, I could only go with him because of the job thing, I don't have any skills they allow me entry into USA, so going alone is not an opsion
Lastly weather!! LOL the weather is extremes of uk, I love the first snowfalls of NYC, NYC is even more magical in the winter... I guess it's just me & my kids & grandad that really get what a truly amazing place NYC is & what it has to offer... I guess the closest I will get to see the skyline everyday is through my pictures :0(
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reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (29 November 2009):
Don't expect too much of a fortune right now in the U.S. Our economy sucks BIG TIME right now, NY is very expensive, and NY has fairly high taxes and quite a few stupid laws. I know some people love it, and there is a lot of culture. But, your husband is probably settled where you two are now. It might be different if it was something you both wanted before marriage and knew that is what you two were going to do one day. For now, just wait until the kids are done with school. And like someone else mentioned--the weather: really hot and humid summers and freeeezing winters. Right now a lot of the midwestern and northern states are up and coming.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2009): Let me just simply tell you - all that glitters is not gold. You don't see any negatives, but they are legion. NYC is not a place I would want to move to - and yes, I've been there so I know all about what you're thinking.
There are better places - like Melbourne or Sydney in Australia for example. Just as many job opportunities if not more. If nothing else, the climate is far better there.
NYC in winter? Forget it. It's an ice box.
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reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (28 November 2009):
I think you need to remember this is not just about what you want. You have a husband, and children.
You dont say how old your children are, but if they are at school, it's going to be difficult for them. They will have friends, and will be settled. Moving to a different country will tear them away from everything they know - friends, family (remember they wont see grandparents, counsins, neighbours, friends), they way they learn will change (schooling is very different in the states), language use is different, as well as all the other scary things about moving to a new country. Money, traffic rules, making new friends etc etc etc. It is a massive change.
They will sound different to the american kids, will they find it easy to fit in?
What about education, healthcare etc, have you thought about the costs involved? Here we have the NHS, yes it may have its failings, but at least everyone can have treatment. In america you have to pay. Remember that. If you cant afford private healthcare in the UK, will you be able to afford it in the US. The grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence. Visiting somewhere on holiday or for work is very differnet to living there. You will still have to pay tax etc, have you looked into the levels of things like that? What other costs may you have? Bills, gas, electricity, school fees......
Why does your husband not want to move? Have you actually asked him, or just rowed about it? Does he like his job? Does he want to build on a stable foundation for his family here in Britain? Does he not want to lose contact with his own family? Maybe he just does not like America.
What you appear to be saying is that you want him to listen to your wants - yet you will not listen to his. He HAS to agree with you, not the other way round.
If this is such a dream for you, then you really need to consider how much you want it. Do you want it at the expense of your marriage and your children?
Like Aunty Bim Bim says, is this a dealbreaker? Would you be prepared leave him to pursue YOUR dream? If so, would you take the kids with you, meaning they rarely saw their father just because YOU want to move to America? Would you be prepared to ruin their lives for your own wants?
Have you considered your children at all in this, or just your own feelings?
Moving to another country should be a family decision, and should be embraced 100% by ALL those involved - that includs your children too. This is not just about you.
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reader, Soon2B_PPD +, writes (28 November 2009):
I am from America. I live in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania (2 hrs from NYC) I actually have business to handle over there on Monday, but its not what its all cracked up to be. Especiall for the children. If they are in a public school it will probably be difficult because the kids here in america can be very apathetic at times. But what ever you do I wish you all the best of luck.
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reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (28 November 2009):
 It's big move for a family, and moving to live in a different country is a lot different to receiving a few novelties as a child, or a few short term breaks.
If you are serious about moving you will need to present your arguments in a logical manner - what will the US offer your kids they cant get at home? Better health care, better schooling, you may need to provide documentation to back any arguments up!
And, if you can put together a good case to back up your claim, and he still refuses to move it will be up to you to decide if it is a deal breaker, will you move on your own if he refuses to uproot the family for you?
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