A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear all, I am nervous. A guy that I have cooked for in my place, gone to dinner with and been chatting with for at least a month now is coming to visit me again over the weekend. We enjoy great conversations - where he has virtually told me everything about him, including that he is not married, and that he likes to drink. He about 30 yo, and seems interested. He has also asked me when I will finish from grad school as I am a PhD student. Generally, I feel that he may be interested in something long term with me although his program ends in September while I take another 2 - 3 years to finish and that seemed to bother him when I mentioned. We will have to be in LDR in different countries when he finishes. He has even told me his expectations of someone to settle down with - I think I would fit?? . I am nervous because our latest conversations have almost all ended with us getting intimate. I am still a virgin - yes. But the pressure is really building up all the time I talk to him. I feel that any close moment with him could potentially make me vulnerable. I really like and want to have a beautiful relationship with him before anything happens. Please advice how I can handle the visit and proceed. Thank you.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (2 January 2015):
Dear OP,
You are still a virgin - does he know that?
Because "coming over for the weekend" is 100% associated with the expectation of sex. And a man in his thirties who is going out with a woman his age surely assumes that you have some degree of sexual experience. And by agreeing to have him over for the weekend, you're agreeing to have sex.
At least, that's the way men think.
If you don't want to get physically intimate, you need to tell him IN ADVANCE very, very explicitly! And you should also explain to him, why, or else he might feel rejected. And if you really want to make sure there's no physical intimacy, don't sleep in the same bed.
If you just wait until he's in your bedroom to tell him "hey, I'm a virgin and I don't want sex".. that's going to be a hell-of-an inconvenient moment!
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