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*hredordie
writes: Hey guys, I've asked a few questions before, so a lot of you probably know what my situation is. My ex means so much to me and I'd like to maintain hope. Here's the thing, I think that she might think that she is in love with her rebound guy (she got with him after we broke up and got into a fight about me giving her space - I'll admit, I didn't handle the breakup in the best way). He is the complete opposite of me and this summer when she is at home, he will be across the country (we live in the U.S.) I'm so afraid that she and him will last a long time and she'll forget about me. I want to believe that this is just a rebound and it will fizzle out after a while and she'll come back to me. He is the complete opposite of me and now that she is seeing him, she is falling into the same rut that broke us up, i.e. too much time together, not haning with her friends enough. How do I show her I still care. I'm not ready to give up. We are still remaining friends although sometimes I'd have to say it's a one sided effort. Does anyone have extensive experiences with rebound relationships?
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (30 March 2006):
 I just want to add acouple of words. I think (reading between the lines) she manufactured your breakup so she could go off with this guy. It all seems a little to convenient that he was around to pick up the pieces so soon after you split dontcha think?
I would suggest not giving up as u appear to be so in love with her, but I think even if you got back together for the summer when summer was over she would move on. Move away back to him. And in the process break your heart all over again.
I hope you heal and your hurt goes. And I hope you find whatever it is you are looking for.
Good luck
x
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male
reader, shredordie +, writes (30 March 2006):
shredordie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys, yeah, I think you guys are right, and I've been wavering back and forth between not contacting her and contacting her. Please don't misinterpret though, I'm not harrassing her and calling or iming her all the time, or giving her gifts (and I think I'll take your advice and not waste my time and money with the easter gift). I think that maybe I should just not talk to her for a bit, and then reconnect in a week or two if she hasn't tried to talk to me. Thanks again. : )
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female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (30 March 2006):
 I would give her some space. She knows you care about her but suffocating her with all this attention and gifts is just going to make her mad.
Leave her for a while and then maybe get in touch in a few weeks and just say hi. Very simple.
You can't force someone to be with you and who would want to be with someone who doesn't love them or feels guilted into being with them?
Take a step back and let her breathe and think about her life and what she wants.
If she still has feelings for you, she will let you know.
In the meantime, leave her to be. It's her life and if she wants to be with someone else, respect that and (i know its hard) try to be happy for her.
Perhaps you need to take a break from things and start something new like a hobby or a club or something to help clear your mind and reassess things.
This break up has happened for a reason but the longer you stay obsessed with her and plotting to break up her new relationship, you are not going to move on and it will poison your life.
Leave her to be for a while and then try and get in touch later AS FRIENDS, but for the mean time give her some room or she will just end up resenting you and being angry at you for not leaving her alone.
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female
reader, lisa_01  +, writes (30 March 2006):
 ok, well first off yes i think the easter gift is too much, second yes understandable that your pissed of that she is not getting enough time set aside for but she has a new relationship with someone else she just can't put it on hold just for you. i agree with juliagulia i think you have become a little bit obsessed with the hole situation, giving her space this is not a bad thing ok? giving her space can be a good thing in terms of getting her back, she may realise one day that her new bf is not what she wanted and she she wants you back ,but she is not going to realise or have something she can't have when it always there, for example you live at home and your parents do everything for you but then you move out thinking it was going to be great a week into it and you start to miss your freedom and your parents and wish you had never moved. if she does continue on with this new guy there is nothing you can do about it,and don;t say your not meddling in that relationship but you are, if my man was still seeing his ex weekly to catch up i would not be happy at all. face the reality of the situation, give her some space and if she does not want to go back with you then move on don't waste your time.
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male
reader, shredordie +, writes (30 March 2006):
shredordie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys, I appreciate your thoughts and advice. I don't really feel like I'm doing anything to interfere in her relationship right now. Do you think that the easter gift would be too much? I can't give it to her as a dear friend? What's really pissing me off about this whole situation, and it gets to me more sometimes than others, is that I'm finding it more and more difficult to hang out with her, ie she can't find the time because she's with the new guy. What's the best way to ask to come and hang to watch one of our TV shows, or to grab dinner, or anything?!
As far as being obsessed, I don't know. I do know that we were involved for a long time and got to a really comfortable point, and then it just seemed like things disintegrated too quickly. Instead of looking at the difficult times at the end of our relationship as a chance to grow and take things to another level, I panicked and messed things up even worse. Now that we are apart, it seems like I'm giving her more and more space, and she's only drifting further and further away. I swear, where as I could grab maybe a few hours to be with her a week in the beginning, I struggle to even get a few minutes with her now.
I guess maybe my biggest worry is, if I stop showing her how much I care - by talking to her everynow and then, hanging out, being there for her, etc. - that I'll lose her for good. If I'm not around, how can she realize that she wants to come back???
Again to repeat myself, while I didn't handup the breakup the best (tears, apologies, not giving her enough space etc.) I am giving her all the space in the world now while still trying to remain friends with her.
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female
reader, juliagulia +, writes (30 March 2006):
 It isn't your business. I'm sorry that it hurts you, but I think you need to let this go. You have no right to interfere and, by doing so, you are making yourself look obsessive and pathetic. The best thing you can do is distance yourself from her and her new relationship and do some things for yourself. And meet someone else. Sorry to say, but she has moved on and so should you. If you want her to have any respect for you at all, you should live your own life and stop acting like you are living for her. It doesn't sound like love -- it sounds like obsession. If you just can't get a grip, then I suggest you seek therapy for your obsessive behavior. Let her make her own mistakes. If she loves you, she will come back to you. There is nothing that you can do to make her love you. The harder you try, the more she will push you away. Find someone who will love you in return and who you can have a healthy relationship with - one of mutual respect and trust. And maintain your independence this time!!
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female
reader, Morag +, writes (29 March 2006):
no means to put you off but 9 times out of 10, rebound relationships dont work out as you end up crossing over old ground, and are in the same situation. my hunch about the new boyfriend is that she picked someone who is the complete opposite so she is not reminded of you. i think the best thing you can probably do is stay friends, stay in touch and just hope.
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male
reader, shredordie +, writes (29 March 2006):
shredordie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Smeedle. You are right, I don't plan on walking away anytime soon, but I also do not plan on meddling in her current relationship. I guess one question I have is how much contact and effort on my part is too much? Is an instant message everyother day too much? Should I ask her to hang out?
Also, Easter is coming up, we are from Massachusetts in the USA and are both big Red Sox fans and I took her to her first game. Two days after Easter this year we are supposed to go to a game together. The Sox have this mascot called Wally the Green Monster - I was planning on givng her this little stuffed Wally on the day of the game and use Easter and the game as an excuse to give it to her (a lil more appropriate than a stuffed bunny I thought). Do you think I should proceed with this gesture? Yes, I'm defiant and madly in love so I might give it to her regardless of what you guys say, but I really do appreciate your input, I am so glad I have found this website.
Thanks again, - Mike
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female
reader, smeedle +, writes (29 March 2006):
 There is a saying "never say never" and I am thinking that phrase fits you, you are persistant I will give you that but waiting for her to break up with her current fella is not healthy and what is to say that if she does break up she will come back to you.
I cannot tell you to walk away and im sure you are not going to as you are in love with her and love is definatly blind but I will just say one thing and that is to keep out of her relationship and dont interfere in anyway because if she thinks you are meddling then she will for certain not rebound in your direction, and all this waiting, hoping and watching from afar will be for nothing when you could have been moving on and dating other girls.
One more point to think about is that she is on the rebound with this fella and she would still be on the rebound with you!!
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