A
female
age
36-40,
*axxathnm
writes:Me and My boyfriend have been together a little over 8 months now and have been living together for 2 months. I am 28 years old and he is 35. Basically shortly into our relationship he gets a call from this one night stand(which I will never understand the concept of a one night stand esecially an unprotected one) saying that he is going to be a dad....apparently this woman is a known liar and has been with several men, any of which can be the father, so for the time being I have been trying to live with the not knowing(which is very stressful) but I love him and want to be with him and decided that I will be there for him regardless. HOWEVER, the woman TEXTS saying she is having a c section this monday...and apparently she has ANOTHER child that her mother keeps. It would seem suddenly that this woman intends to "dump" the kid off on us with the priority to take the little boy or girl from us at any time that strikes her....I feel that if this child is going to live with us full time this woman should pay child support and if she doesnt care to help even that much then she should sign full custody of the child over to my boyfriend until such time that we are married, then allow me one day o adopt this child. However, it has been my experience that woman like this (and i say this because i had a sister that did it and a brother that went threw it along with several friends this is not a reflection on the one night stand merely an observation) but it is my experience that women like this will most likely use this child against us and if something comes up that does not suit her she will take the child from us to punish it, I am also scared if the topic of adoption or child support comes up she will do the same. How do I handle this situation? and the fact that I will be a primary care giver to this child while we are not married, what say do I really have? I feel that if I am going to to this with my boyfriend then I should be seen just as equally responsible and my opinion equally valid, or is this selfish on my part? I am so confused and so stressed and there is a chance the child is not even his we are having a paternity test done to confirm, but I would like to be prepared to know the best way to be supportive while still being allowed to have an equal say in this, please help!
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female
reader, saxxathnm +, writes (6 November 2011):
saxxathnm is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTy very much for your input...and your right people like that should not have children, children are a blessing not a pay check or an unwanted item to be used as a pawn. I just pray that we can solve this simply...if not then we will be seeking a lawyer and taking the hard road because she done said she dont want part custody, at best she would want to see it here and there, and she doesnt seem to think that she should have to pay child support or sign custody, hopefully the matter will be solved with as little stress as possible because you are right, this child deserves a stable life with a family that wants him not to be pulled back and forth, if she wants to go out and party all the time she needs to be responsible and help us or step down from the childs life, he deserves that much.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 November 2011):
 It is really sad and horrible to hear this, and women like this should never be allowed to have children, it is cruel to the child. I don't doubt that you would make a fantastic step mum, and fair play to you for stepping up to the mark and standing by your boyfriend through this hard time, many woman would run a while so good on you. I guess as I said you and your boyfriend need to sit down with her and talk to her and ask her what she wants to happen. He still has rights to the child and no court will stop him seeing his child if it is his.
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A
female
reader, saxxathnm +, writes (5 November 2011):
saxxathnm is verified as being by the original poster of the questionty for your response. I honestly dont know what she would think about me adopting the child, but she has another child and dumped it off on her mother and does not see it or pay for it....I am scared if we go for child support she will simply take this child away and dump it off on her mother as well or worse because she is a irresponsible party girl, I dont say that to be mean I say it as a fact. I have seen women do this before drop the child not pay child support and not sign the kid over because in NC they side with the mother, so all she has to do is get angry at us and take the child, and sadly it wouldnt be out of love it would be out of spite.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (5 November 2011):
Off course you have the right to voice your opinion, but am afraid it doesn't really stand up as you have no blood connection. This is a terrible situation to be in and no wonder you are so stressed. I am glad that your boyfriend is taking responsibility though that shows a lot that he is a decent man. Before getting stressed out about this child well then yes a paternity test is a must. That will need to be done straight away before there are any arrangements made. I understand why you would want to legally adopt this child. But what does the child's mother have to say about this? If she is happy about it well then it would be a great idea so that this poor child as stability. I don't understand why a mother could give up her child. If your boyfriend gets full time custody she still has to pay maintenance unless you adopt the child and come to some sort of agreement. I think you and your boyfriend would benefit from getting some legal advice. Plus meet with the mother of the child to see what she wants to happen with the baby.
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