A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I'm 21 years old and I've been struggling with this for long, I love to be more masculine,but I've got large breasts and i just hate them so much, I'd like to get a reduction or a top surgery but I'm so poor that i can't afford and also I don't have an insurance,my life sucks with my large chest, I've lost self confidence and self esteem,they are large and naturally sags since I haven't breastfeeded,it makes my shoulders shrug. I've tried binding but it feels uncomfortable,i love something natural, I'd really love to have a flat chest or small boobs but I can't.I always envy women with small boobs or rather flat chest,wishing that it was me. I cry every time i look at my boobs, I'm always dull and my areola is so big and makes me hate them that much my nipples are always dull. Sometimes I wish i could just take a knife and chop them off.I want to be me,i want to ne confident,i want to be happy but I can't.What should i do?
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boobs, breasts, confidence, nipples, self esteem, want to be happy Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2021): I get sick and tired of people saying they are short of money and there are no jobs.
You do not need to rely on other people to employ you. I was younger than you when I was studying and working evenings so that I could get by and save. I had no education to help me, but I started to get educated all in my own precious spare time and at my own expense.
I also took on any job I could get, even just a few hours here and there. Including selling cakes to local shops, so that I could get by and get money together.
You can wash cars, clean up peoples' gardens, clean houses, you are lucky that at your age you are fit and healthy, some people have to struggle to do these things when three times your age. If you truly want to change how you look stop moaning and asking for sympathy and do something about it.
It costs a lot of money so start yesterday.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2021): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your answers
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2021): Body-image distortion and body dysmorphic disorder are very serious mental-health disorders. You don't always know that's the problem, it can only be determined by a licensed and qualified psychiatrist or psychologist.
If you are still a teenager, some of your feelings about your body are due to your youth and self-image. You may need mental-health counseling; because you have to determine if the problem is truly physiological, or a perceived defect. We can't just hack away at our bodies; because we don't like what we see, or we're comparing them to the bodies of other people. If you weren't so young, I would feel more at-ease about how you're handling this psychologically.
It really bothers me when someone as young as you would even suggest: "Sometimes I wish i could just take a knife and chop them off."
The problem with such a mindset is, sometimes people do succeed at getting corrective-surgery; only to find another imperfection they want to go after. I am very well aware that oversized-breasts can be literally painful for some women. I can also perceive how a young girl would be concerned about her appearance. It is a fact that very large breasts can cause back-pain; and they do cause some women and girls to curve their shoulders from the weight. If self-conscious about their breasts (regardless of size); they'll lean forward, because they are trying not to draw attention to their chests. Hating your body suggests your problem is more perceived; than it could be a physiological-defect. Your age is a major factor; because teenagers and people under 25, are still developing psychologically and emotionally. Body-changes and appearance are highly important at this phase in our physical development. Your worries and concerns should be taken very seriously.
If you were older, and you didn't hate how nature designed you; it might be understood that you are more concerned about your physical-discomfort, and not just wishing you looked differently. That's why counseling and therapy is vital to help you decide on surgery for all the right reasons; and not those that are perceived and attributed to self-loathing, or self-esteem issues.
A surgical scalpel should never touch a human body; unless there is a life or death situation. Yet some cosmetic-surgeries are absolutely necessary; because they give physical and emotional-relief. Not just to address aesthetic-appeal, or done on a whim.
My neighbor had breast-reduction surgery five years ago. She gets depressed, because she feels they removed too much tissue; and her breasts don't look even, or proportioned to her body. Surgery doesn't always grant you the perfection you hope for. She sometimes wears padded-bras, and had never done that in the past. Careful what you wish for, because you just might get it; and it doesn't always turnout as hoped.
You don't seem to want female-breasts at all. If they were completely removed, you could suddenly realize the drastic change; and that too could cause you surgical remorse. As far as being more masculine; not everyone adjusts to gender-reassignment surgeries as easily as they may have imagined. You have to deal with prejudices and bigotry; and can't force the acceptance of others. People can be so cruel. Then there's the cost of reversal-surgery.
First you have to seek a psychological evaluation, to deal with probable gender dysphoria disorder, depression, or anxiety disorder; and then you can reasonably pursue corrective-surgery. Some people just go to another country for cheap surgery, and get disfigured; and that's a whole other traumatic psychological-issue to deal with. Counseling will help you deal with any anxiety issues; until you can get the desired surgery. Check online for government and charity organizations offering social services, funds for medical- assistance; and free mental-health counseling. Do your research carefully; and read any and all complaints or reviews if provided. Study all the pros and cons, and read anecdotes and stories from people who have received those kinds of surgeries.
You can't afford the surgery for now; but you can see a doctor who might suggest specially-fitted medical sports bras for flattening and back-pain relief. Meanwhile, see if you can find yourself a local medical university that can recommend surgeons who donate their skills; and do corrective-surgery for the poor. You should check with local healthcare charities who sometimes find doctors and surgeons who will offer free surgeries of the kind you require; but you may be put on a long waiting list. That could still offer you some hope. I think you urgently require some counseling, if you feel depressed or distressed. It could help you deal psychologically with how you feel about your body. You don't have the money; and you can't live your life loathing how nature and genetics have designed your body as a female.
If it is professionally determined that you suffer some mild body dysmorphia, or self-loathing; even surgery to flatten your chest may not totally end your all your problems. You may still see flaws or imperfections that can't be fixed; that your mind makes you believe are flaws you don't feel you can accept. Back-pain is real, and you can see a medical doctor or orthopedist about that!
My dear, had you not mentioned some of the things you've said in your post; it could be believed this is strictly about discomfort, and you're not feeling so desperate or hopeless, because of your poverty. Keep searching for help, it's out there somewhere, sweetheart.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  + ♥, writes (13 October 2021):
 thank you for returning and following up, it is rare here. I'm afraid that no amount of therapy will ever end your dysphoria. But you can learn to live happily with it. That course will be your best hope to end your desperate poverty. You are not alone. people around the world live with dysphoria. The surgeries have only recently been possible, meaning that for generations dysphoric persons have had a life long sentence of living in a body that doesn't fit.
Wealth is a hope for you. Perhaps it is an unlikely hope. It is better to move on with what you can do, rather than to wait for an unlikely miracle.
I can't pretend to understand the social and political situation in your country. There are a few medical reasons for breast reduction or removal. World wide they are becoming more accepted. My Sister in law was able to force a reduction out of her insurance due to back damage (which you seem to have) It took the support of committed medical experts on her side. I tell you this to give you hope of a brighter future. People with dysphoria have very little of that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2021): Fatherly advice....The thing about breast reduction is that insurance companies will not pay for this citing it is cosmetic surgery thus not needed.My sil had it done.She had to save for over ten years for it.Hospital stays are not cheap.Hers have her bad back problems.The insurance still would not cover it.She is so happy now and says it was so worth it.Get two jobs.Bank every cent.Do not spend money on going out because you can save faster.It will be a hard road to save but the reward will be so worth it.I understand about the pain and back problems that go with it.It is just too bad insurance does not care.You can do this...really if she could anyone could it just takes the discipline to save not to spend.Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2021): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm actually not from the United States,, I'm from Kenya,Africa,its really hard to get an employment opportunity here and if for Instance you start your own business,its really difficult also. Its hard to find an insurance that supports top surgery. And the reduction or top surgery costs alot that's one must go maybe to India or so because it can't be actually done here,if you convert that amount to Kenyan Shillings it really a lot of money.It really giving me a fucking headache just to think about it.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (12 October 2021):
You are 21, so you probably are pretty sure about your dysphoria. So my advice is not about your emotions, but rather about practical things you can do to achieve your goal. As you mention not having insurance, I'm making an assumption that you are in the USA and you parents can't insure you. The first thing you should do is apply for insurance through the government. The second thing you should do is try to improve your employment so you can save up some money.
I am sympathetic that when you feel insecure and self conscious it is hard to put yourself out there for a job. Having a plan will help with that. You are more than your body. Adjusting your body will not automatically fix your happiness. It can help. You will still have some work to do on happiness. You can start that pre surgery.
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