A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I’m 29 yr old female from Ga and me and my gf have been together for almost 3years now, She has kids but that’s not the issue… She also has this ex who keeps hitting her up and randomly sending how much she still loves her and misses the kids, she also does any and everything to be anywhere she knows my girl will be just so she can see her….Crazy right? so I told my girl she needs to tell her to stop or block her before I say something but my girl comes at me saying she doesn’t want the ex and that I’m acting insecure. Now I know for a fact I look way better and I’m a better catch but I understand also looks aren’t everything. My question tho is am I overreacting telling her to cut communication with her. She claims that the girl misses the kids and that’s the only time they talk (ow and I forgot to mention they use to be friends after they broke up till I came along). But to me if she is randomly hitting her up all times of day and night it’s a little more than what she’s telling me and I’m fed up it’s been 2years and this same ex is a constant argument t and issue yet she claims she doesnt won’t her. I love my gf a lot and I’m cool with my exes also and she knows it but none of them have ever disrespected my relationship and don’t hardly call at all. I’m fed up and really wna just leave all of it alone and let them have it, I still love her but I feel like a chump for dealing with all of it what advice could either of you give because I really need it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2021): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI be been gave a ultimatum and this has been and in going situation so I chose as of now I rather remove my self bc I will never argue or keep repeating myself about the same topic but thank you all for your advice I really needed it
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 October 2021):
 While I don't think it's your job or "right" to dictate who she can talk to and how much, I think when people "drag around" exes into their next relationship things can get very muddy.
How about the kids? Do they miss her? If she was a parent figure for them for years, she might BE an important person for those kids, regardless of whether they are blood-related or not.
So from MY perspective, I would judge whether it's in the best interest of the kids, or not for her to stick around.
But with that said, if the ex is also hitting on her still and wanting her back - THAT isn't in the best interst of YOUR current relationship and your partner needs to figure out how to manage this. I think your partner is utterly selfish if she keeps this ex around to 1. keep a backup. 2. keep you on your toes (so you know you can be replaced in an instance) 3. if it's more about HER own ego and not the kids.
The fact that the ex misses the kids, I get it. But... they are not her kids and she doesn't NEED to text YOUR partner several times a day "about the kids"... If she truly missed the kids wouldn't she ask to Skype/Facetime with the kids?
I will also add this. IF you make the "ultimatum" that she has to drop her "friend" or you walk... she might "pretend" to drop the ex but just talk to her behind your back. OR she might call your bluff.
Trust is another thing I want to bring up. Because even if you trust your GF a LOT, that doesn't give your GF carte blanche to do whatever SHE wants.
One would think that a partner would NOT want to hurt their partner's feelings.
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A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (12 October 2021):
 I think that you are right to worry, and no i don't think that you are being insecure. I'm sure if the situation was reversed and you had an ex in your life calling you every day she would not be happy at all, and tell you to get them out of your life.
She is expecting you to be ok with this situation which is slightly worrying, to tell you the truth i can't see anyone being happy with this situation.
Ex's are ex's for a reason, a relationship finishes and we move on, and when we are ready we eventually meet someone else. We don't enter into a new relationship with an ex constantly in contact with us, and still influential in our lives.
I feel you need to put your foot down here and tell her her ex needs to back off. Your relationship is never going to flourish if the ex is still in both your lives.
As i said, if this situation was reversed your partner would soon be telling you to block your ex and get them out of your lives.
Don't be a door mat, step up and tell her. If nothings changes then maybe its time to walk away from this relationship.
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