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I want my wife to flirt online with others because it turns me on

Tagged as: Online dating, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 December 2010) 3 Answers - (Newest, 1 January 2011)
A male United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My wife are a late 30s attractive christian couple with a pretty good sex life. One of my turn ons is when I see other men flirt with her. I ask her if she felt they were attractive, if she would "do them" in a pefect world, etc. When she admits they are attractive it is such a turn on because she is a conservative christian woman who has been taught that any such thoughts are a no-no. I am not interested in us actually having any physical relationships or swinging of any kind. But I would LOVE for her to maybe flirt with a few good looking men (and women?) on craigslist, and then together we can read the responses and get turned on by how many people want her. Basically it is just something to spice up our sex life. A game, if you will.

Is this okay? Does it make us immoral or is a little flirtaion for generating sexual energy okay as long as we are doing it with each others support and we are bringing the sex in to our marriage, exclusively?

View related questions: christian, flirt, sex life, swinging

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A male reader, Flashtony United Kingdom +, writes (1 January 2011):

It's a game now, and not immoral if you both consent and enjoy it, make sure that you both consent freely, if not it will make her feel cheap. And make sure it stops there unless of course you both want it to move to reality... Then you may have deeper problems that you should talk through together.

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A female reader, jonas Singapore +, writes (24 December 2010):

jonas agony auntWhy didn't you think of asking her to flirt with you while two of you enjoy flirting with each other? I'm a christian and I wouldn't say whether it's immoral or not unless both of you set some rules and stick to it but the thing is, it may lead to a new set of problems.

For you, you may not have problems with her flirting with men or women online but are you sure she could just stick to that? Sometimes, harmless flirting can get a person wanting more esp if she feels she can find sthg that's lacking in her spouse. Basically she might not be firm enough to resist any further temptations and pull a brake to it. It's like one thing will lead to another. She might feel that she could be attracted to one of them and wants to pursue it to the next level.

I don't mean that she will be attracted to everyone she flirts with, on a scale of 10 guys, perhaps there is that 1 person she finds him different from the rest and she might not be able to resist him.

Flirting also means that she would flirt anything she feels she's comfortable with. Are you sure you are ok with her talking dirty to whatever extent with other guys without getting offended or thinking bad about her? Bcos once she starts doing it, it will be hard for her if one day you realize that you didn't like it and wants her to stop or cut down.

Why don't you consider getting your wife to flirt with you and it can also mean getting her to dress sexually to arouse you visually.

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A male reader, Who United States +, writes (23 December 2010):

Who agony aunt“Does it make us immoral…”

I don’t think so. But other do. What matters is what you and you wife think.

Many women on here complain that their men secretly look at porn or chat with other woman on-line. Many say this is cheating. I wonder what they would think of you question, where you want to involve your wife and not do anything secretly behind her back…

“…a little flirtaion for generating sexual energy okay…”

To stay together and have an active sex life, most couples find they have to do new things to keep the spark. You are not the only man who likes to see his wife desired by other men. As long as your wife is OK with this (or at least does not mind being accommodating in this particular instance) I don’t think you are doing anything wrong.

I would give a couple of cautions:

1. Talk with your wife about ground rules, and how she feels about it, and what she believes you think about her.

2. I may not be fair to men on Crag’s Lists who are looking to meet a woman, if you two are leading them on, with on chance of a meeting. There may be better chat fourms on the internet for your little game…

Good luck and hope this helps.

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