A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm going out with someone who's very quiet during sex and it turns me off. I sort of like this person, but in bed, while I'm sucking him he just stays there, eyes closed like a Buddha ( and he takes forever to come, like 30 plus minutes, Is that normal?) only when he comes he makes a little noise. I don't know what to do, I don't know if the things I do please him because he doesn't say anything. I DO ask but he just smiles at me and says nothing, He's not shy when he's with me but in bed he is. I ask him to be rough with me but he's not as aggressive as I want, quite the opposite in fact, he's affectionate. I don't like affection during sex, in fact I really really don't like when men pet my hair or caress my face, it reminds me of my father (whom I adore). I don't know if I should continue to go out with this person, as I like to be dominated and to be dirty talked, and he does nothing of that. What do you guys think?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 December 2016):
 I guess he is just not comfortable making noise or being rough in bed. It is not a bad thing, I just think it means that you are not sexually compatible.
I guess now the decision lies with you, do you stay with him or do you end things and be with someone who is more compatible sexually. The choice here is yours to make.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (18 December 2016):
 I don't think you'll be able to change who he is sexually. You've asked him about it before and nothing has changed so it sounds like unfortunately you're just sexually incompatible.
Sex isn't everything in a relationship but it's a very big part for some people and it's hard to go on acting like you're satisfied when you're not. It's just up to you to decide whether it's a big enough thing to break up over.
As for the ejaculation problem I've suffered from similar for most of my life, sometimes I can't even cum at all other times it takes from 30minutes to an hour and that would have to be through sex as there's no chance it can happen from oral or a handjob. Even when I'm with someone and if i haven't finished through sex then I need to take care of it myself, so there are people out there with these kinds of issues.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2016): You are who you are and you like what you like. You don't need to justify anything. It seems to me that you and your partner are not sexually compatible.I don't think he is going to change. You could explain to him what you have told us. And give him an opportunity to pick up the ball. See if he is open to changing his ways in the bedroom. Maybe try a little role playing or come out of his shell?But even if he did change, it would be to please you and it would likely not be who HE REALLY IS. And eventually he would revert back to his old ways. And you will continue to be resentful and dissatisfied.You never know how satisfied you will be until you have sex. Yes, you may have some chemistry but to actually gel together in bed perfectly does not always happen with a partner, even if there is chemistry. Sexual compatibility is much more than just being attracted. Your styles and preferences may be too different.I do think if you like him enough, you may want to be totally honest and give him a chance to improve. That is fair. But if you don't see yourself being satisfied or happy after a period of time, then yes, I do suggest moving on and finding someone who is compatible in the bedroom. You should never have to settle for lacklustre sex.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (18 December 2016):
 I don't think you are ever going to turn this nice guy into the assertive sexual partner you are looking for. (For the record, many women would love to have a partner who is affectionate in bed as opposed to acting like a porn actor.)I would find it very frustrating not to get any feedback at all during sex. After all, everyone likes different things when it comes to being touched. What you are doing may not be what he would like either but, if he is not telling you what he would like, then how are you to know?In your shoes, I would be having a conversation about sex fairly soon. It needs to be away from the bedroom but in private. And you need to decide whether this is a deal breaker for you or whether you are prepared to put up with (what is for you) unsatisfactory sex. I suspect the answer is negative.I do feel your wiring is slightly "different" to most women if you associate affection in sex with being wrong because it reminds you of your father.
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