A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Before Christmas, after over 5 years I ended a long distant relationship and I didn't stop thinking about him one day since then.I cry a lot because I miss him a lot and I can't accept that it is over. He is the love of my life. He is everything I want in a partner, he says the same about me. Friends and family all agree we are meant to be. We were so much in love and we had the greatest chemistry ever.When we first got together we spoke about marriage and we both agreed. He is divorced and has kids. He is so sensible and I believe he is scared the past experience repeating in future.Years are passing but I don't know how long does he want me to wait. Back in summer and after 5 years I decided to email him -we email regularly, phone contact is not possible and meeting is also difficult due to him being deployed overseas a year now- I asked him about our future.He emailed back saying he can't be in any commitment,he doesn't want to marry and he likes his life the way it is now. I was shocked, I was hurt badly, I couldn't reply back and I stopped contacting him. Today after almost 1 month he emailed me asking how I've been doing. I've to admit I'm so happy to hear from him and I WANT HIM BACK, I never stopped thinking about him. But I just don't know what to do? or how to respond without hurting him or hurting myself. Do I ask him why he changed his mind about marriage? I don't want to sound neither needy nor pushy but I know I want him back. Any advice would be much appreciated..please !!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2008): No. Keep doing what you are doing. Its ok to cry and grieve but he doesn't have to know about it. Just tell him you are fine and keep it short.
Look I don't really understand your relationship as you say its been long distance for an entire year. That's a long time. But then you say that he has been inlove with you during this time? How do you know this if you haven't even seen him in atleast a year?? Alot can change in a year. That is a very long time. If I didn't see someone for a year I probably wouldn't really see marriage in my future either. That person would just seem kind of like a stranger to me. I just want to give you some insight into what he is probably thinking.
It just sounds like the distance had no effect on your feelings for him whereas on him it kind of waned off his interest in what you two had. I mean the fact that he no longer wants to marry probably has nothing to do with his past relationship or any fears from it. Its just that the distance really had its toll on his feelings for you guys. It made him grow apart. He took the distance for what it was and kind of moved on without even realising it. He probably didn't plan for this to happen, it just happened. That is why he didn't let you know till you asked.
Certainly he could have waited for you or loved you enough to still be interested after all this time. I mean you did, so couldn't he? So its certainly possible. But he just didn't. So as painful as it is, if I were you I would just be casual and don't ask questions and try to move on. He doesn't realise right now the pain he has caused you because he is busy doing whatever he is doing. But it'll definitely hit him one day. And he'll look back and contact you and may be able to answer alot of your questions and even apologize. But until then, I would respect his wishes and keep things short if you do decide to reply to him.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (2 February 2008):
 I think you should let past issues rest and do not dig them up.Be friends with him and give him a time period .If there is no progress in your relationship and if he is not the committed kind, do not waste your time. Think of him as just a friend.
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