A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My relationship with this man goes a long way back. We were together 2 years ago for about 5 months but ended it because he was depressed after having come out of a 7-year engagement that ended up badly. We didn't speak for months after that, until he rang me to ask for support as he was feeling severely depressed. I was there for him as a friend for some time and then one thing led to another and we started sleeping together. I told him I wanted to be with him but he kept being unsure about us, so eventually I left, telling him not to ring me. I was heartbroken and he seemed to be really upset for losing me, but he respected my wish and didn't ring me back.But things changed three months ago, as my mum has been diagnosed with a terminal disease and I've been having a really hard time. I rang him to ask for support and he seemed very happy to be allowed back in my life so we started things up again. We've been sort of together for three months now, though avoiding to call this a relationship. But last night we had a serious discussion, where he told me that he loves me but is unsure if he loves me enough to be with me as he occasionally seems to be lacking the passion. He seems to think that if it doesn't work out we can just be friends as we mean so much to each other. But I think that two people who are as compatible and as attracted to each other as we are will never be able to be just friends. What I want from him is a relationship, but what if he sees me as a friend after all? Is he just being immature, wanting to be infatuated with someone to be with them and missing the true meaning of commitment and love, or is he just not that into me? Should I hang in there and try to prove to him that being together is the right decision, or just get out now? I see myself spending a lifetime with this man, but what if I'm just flogging a dead horse?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): From what you have mentioned it sounds as if you will always be the one chasing him. He has told you the truth from his heart, he loves you but not enough to dedicate himself to you. It sounds to me like this isnt going to work. Do you really want to be with someone who lacks passion for you? You may not want to lose a great friendship, and perhaps this is why he is unsure what he wants because he does not want to lose the friendship. I suggest you move on, keep the friendship strictly platonic, and see how things develop
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