A
male
age
41-50,
*eanP
writes:I am 27 and my girlfriend is 38. She has a salon and has alot of male clients that she flirts with. Should I be concerned or let that be? She also has her act together and owns a house and 2 condos that she rents out. I on the other hand have been a bit of a late bloomer and partier just now getting into college and starting to be a mature adult I don't know if I should keep this relationship going she seems like she could careless about me until I put my attention else where. She seems like she might be using me and wants to control me. I am currently helping remodel her house and she doesn't seem to want whats best for me she is just worried about what she wants. should I try to make this work or move on?
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female
reader, cnith +, writes (16 April 2010):
 I hear a lot of complaining and whining on your part. Not so much 'controling' or 'using' you on her part except for the you're helping her with her house deal. Which you can stop, I'm sure, if you wanted to...no doubt she would find someone else to help her.
I hear that you're insecure and maybe even feel threatened by her success and acquisitions, understandably. But don't feel so intimidated. She has 11 years under her belt and she could have been an early bloomer. Don't be so hard on yourself.
As the others have said, talk to her. If she's really your partner she will listen to you and you guys can compromise on whatever the problem really is. (are?)
As for the flirting? Don't worry. That's how you get customers to come back and hopefully bring in new ones. If they had a good time they'll tell their buddies and so on.
As long as they don't go home with her or taking her out places, you're fine...as someone else said too.
Good luck and don't let your insecurities kill you. You'll get there. Don't worry. :)
A
male
reader, weparley +, writes (16 April 2010):
I would move on, in my opinion (or)... Yet, it may have been her that already made the decision on wanting to move on. maybe she's trying to give you a hint bro
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 April 2010):
This is a very independent woman, who is successful and likes things to be 'just so'. If you can't handle that, then you need to move on. She's not trying to control you, but because she is so independent and successful, she will be used to things going her way. This is the price of being with a woman who is this successful. The irony here is that you can probably trust her much more that you realize to do the right thing. You won't need to worry about the flirting at work, as you'll find she does that to get the custom and nothing more. I think it's worth talking to her and explaining to her that you feel like she sometimes just brushes you aside. But I'm not sure she will change, as so far the way she has lived has worked. The price of having a successful, independent woman in your life is that she will be like this.
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A
female
reader, terrifenby +, writes (16 April 2010):
 This women sounds like she is very independent and is used to things been the way she wants them to be. Sit her down and tell her how you are feeling. Maybe she is pushing you because she wants whats best for you. I see there is an age gap and you maybe feel like your not an equal in this relationship. All i can suggest is to have a good heart to heart with her. Best wishes
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (16 April 2010):
 First off if a couple truly love each other then an age difference in a relation ship makes no difference.
Yes it sounds like she has done well, but you still have 11 years to be where she is now yourself.
Best thing to do is ask her outright how she feels about your relationship together, ask her the killer question "Do you love me?" if she has to hesitate then your alarm bells should be ringing loud and clear.
You dont say how long you have been together, but generally after about 6 months you both should know if it is love or just infactuation, it can last longer for some poeple.
Dont worry too much about the saloon flirting, in my experience those places are customer contact so flirting breaks the ice, as long as she doesnt take them out for a drink afterwards you are ok.
So ask her those questions, see what she says, you should be able to make a better call from that.
Hope it works out for you.
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