A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been married for 4 years. My wife and I have an 18-month old daughter. We had our ups and downs when we were engaged, but we worked it out. Lately, I feel like she's being emotionally manipulative, and purposely trying to confuse me. Two weeks ago, my wife had a chance to get away up to the mountains with her sister, and she asked me if I could get away from work to do it. I have a huge project that's nearing a deadline, but I found time. A couple of days later I told her I could come along, and she said, "oh, but I was hoping to go alone." Confused, I said, "ok great, you need that time off. you should do it." When she didn't go, she told me it was because she thought I "needed her home" to help with the baby.Next weekend is an annual music festival that I've been going to for years. I missed last year due to the new baby, and my wife isn't into the music so she's not that fond of going. When we talked about this year she said "you should go, play music with your friends." I thanked her profusely and told her how generous it was. When I told her today that I got my ticket to go, she said, "did you get me a ticket?" Confused, I said, "well, I thought you weren't going, so no." She acted pissed off, and I apologized for the "miscommunication" and said, "I'll get you a ticket, no problem." Then she got angrier and said, "I don't want to go up there with our daughter, in the heat, and sit around, I'll only get to go for a few hours because she has to nap!"I have no idea how to broach this with her, but I think she's being manipulative and I want to talk about this with her in a productive way. It's making me nervous about our communication. Thanks!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2012): From the OP: thank you all for the advice, BondGirl and BassChick especially. I appreciate your time. However, I respectfully request that in the future you refrain from projecting the face your past experiences or frustrations onto those requesting advice. Some of you seemed to jump to conclusions outside of what was written in the experience, which is never helpful. Not all men are like your ex's.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2012): Could she be suffering from postpartum depression? I know that your child is 18 months but if she has been a little more 'difficult" since the birth then this may be an explanation.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (23 July 2012):
 Manipulative? No. But having difficulty finding things to with you that would include your daughter yes. The two of you dont seem to have alot in common. The marriage is struggling because you each need alittle independence without feeling threatened. On the other hand you both need to work on clear comminications and finding thongs to do as a family. Your wife may feel like the nusic thing seems like a single- guy function so she feels threatened uf you go alone. She also senses your disconnected relationship may cause you to be tempted to find someone else.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (23 July 2012):
 It sounds to me like she is a busy mom and it is starting to take a toll on her. Sometimes when we women get stressed and tired, the emotions start taking over and we seem unreasonable and illogical when we really just want a break. It does not sound like she is maniupulating you, and I would know as I've had this issue in a relationship before.
I would talk with her and see if there is something she would like to do either alone or with you, and then make it happen. It sounds like she just needs a break or some fun time with you. We all get to the point where we need to get away. I would also talk with her about the concert in the same discussion and see if she would really like to go. Like the other aunts have said, the baby can sleep in the stroller.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (23 July 2012):
 I agree with Jannie, Your wife thinks you are being selfish because you are going to the music festival on your own whereas you got defensive when she wanted to go to the mountains alone.
I don't know how much you do as a Father and if you do your share of work with the baby, but there seems to be a lot of resentment going on and someone isn't pulling their weight or being emotionally supportive.
Men tend to take things at face value whereas women read between the lines and when she said
"you should go, play music with your friends."
What she was really saying was 'Yeah go be with your friends and abandon me to do all the work!!'
Being a parent is a confusing time and you both have to realise the emotional weight as well as the physical. A baby, although a blessing, pretty much drives a wedge into your lives and if one of you thinks you can carry on with your own life and not consider the other, then things will go downhill fast!!
I think you should both take the baby with you to the music festival. Jannie is right, the baby will be perfectly fine sleeping in the stroller as long as it's sheltered from the sun and given plenty of fluids(you see people with young families all the time at such events).
You are a family and you have to make compromises and adjustments. Right now it's becoming a struggle and a competition to see who can get time on their own and although you see that as not a huge problem, your wife will be distraught if you walk out that door without her.
Talk to her, tell her that it's very important to you that you do things as a family, because that is what you are and it's time to accept that and make changes.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (23 July 2012):
 Tell her the baby can nap in the stroller, a blanket under an umbrella. Offer to give her a day off without the baby (go to the festival with the baby). Give her some me time. If she sees that you can handle it then she will see also how unreasonable she got. You are both frustrated with parenting and she doesn't want to admit she needs time to herself because it feels selfish of her. She knows you need time to yourself but is angry that she cancelled the mountain trip for the sake of family but you won't do the same. She feels like parenting is mainly a woman's job and she feels better if she doesn't have to leave the baby alone. At the same time she wants to feel your support. When you decided to go to the music festival she felt you are just taking off and not caring how she really feels. It will come off like she sucks at communication or expressing herself. It came to this because she has been trying to be super mom and repressing her frustration in order to act function daily.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2012): It sounds like she's kinnda a posesive person? You seem very sweet by thanking her and then she acts mad when you dont get her a ticket, when she doesnt even really wanna go. I really think you should sit her down and make her realize how off and on she's been lately. Tell her how you really feel.
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