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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi everyone!I used to live with my extremely conservative mother, but last year I decided to move to my mother's empty loft. She agreed because the alternative was to live farther to where she lives and we like spending time together every other day. Taking advantage of my independence, I bought a vibrator and didn't mind hiding it well since I never thought she'd be looking under the sink and under the toilet paper rolls I used to cover it. Three days later, she goes to my loft to drop by the remaining stuff I still have in my former room with the help of her new maid. My mom's knee is giving her problems lately, so I'm almost sure she couldn't bend to reach the vibrator's flashy metallic box, but I could see part of it once I arrived from work and found out they had been there. I don't know what to do when I see her again. The best thing that could happen to me in case she knows is that she'd leave it to herself. I don't want to confront her because sex has always been a taboo between us and because this represents going against all she taught me, which would certainly disappoint her :(Help!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2010): Thank you all for your answers, they were helpful until I received my mother's call. I'm even more certain she found it because she said she made some changes of her own. The maid has been helping me before for a couple of times and she never thought on putting anything under the sink, and I doubt it was her idea this time. My mother had to be next to her telling her what to do or she probably did it herself, because she said she moved the dog's food bowl. I could also tell there was something wrong with her caring tone, the amount of time it took her to call me, and her stuffed nose mostly in the beginning of her conversation which is extremely rare in her except when she's been crying (she's not allergic to anything, it's not cold outside, what else could it be?)... I might do some research with the maid asking her about the things I used to have sitting around, but I guess that's all the drama I'll get. That is if she doesn't think these conversations aren't meant to happen over a phone. Worst part of this whole thing is that I'm afraid our relationship won't be the same as it was. Somehow I felt glad about her reaction towards sex (it's kinda fun watching her avoid those Dorian Gray scenes and also comforting to think she trusts you enough to pass on the lecture). What would she think when I tell her I want a boob job? lol
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (30 September 2010):
 Just don't bring it up. If she's uncomfortable with it, she won't bring it up either. You're a grown up woman, she knows you have "needs." Just don't bring it up and it will just go away. She might not have seen it anyways. Many women have them, and most people masturbate. You have nothing to be ashamed of.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (30 September 2010):
 Hmmm, first relax and stop panicking. Your mom is downstairs trying to figure out how to talk to you about it, or whether she should talk to you about it. That is if she saw it. Or if the maid saw it, and thought it was important to talk to mom about it.
I think you should examine your feelings here a bit. Are you acting against your beliefs. Deep down what do you really believe. Is Mom right or should you be allowed to use that toy? When you act against your own beliefs you will not be happy.
FA
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A
male
reader, lionelhutz +, writes (30 September 2010):
If your stated age is correct, 26-29, you are an adult. What you do is your choice, not hers. I wouldn't bring it up at all and if she does, don't worry about it as you have nothing to be ashamed of.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (30 September 2010):
 Do your best to pretend that it never happened.
Obviously I don't know anything about your mother BUT be aware that a lot of older people who appear very conservative (especially to their children) are actually a lot more understanding about the realities of life than young people would believe.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2010): Avoid the subject altogether, but she's got more to lose from talking about it than you do, so I doubt she'll bring it up. If she does, tell her to get real, you're an adult and haven't broken any law. Or tell her she's allowed to borrow it as long as she washes it afterwards.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (30 September 2010):
 I would imagine sex has been a taboo subject for your Mum because she is not comfortable with her body and the pleasure it can bring her. She has probably never known how to talk to you about it because of her own discomfort. If I were in your shoes I would just forget the whole incident because bringing it up will only cause embarrasment and possibly a fight. Let her think what she wants to think about you because at the end of the day you know that there is nothing bad going on and certinally nothing for you to be ashamed about.
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