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I think I'm trying too hard in the relationship

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 May 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 31 May 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Well, I'm dating this guy, I'm 16 he's 19. Everything was going great, he probably still thinks it is, but I have my own personal problems getting in the way.

You see, I've never been in a relationship before, and he knows that, I had never kissed a guy, he knows that too. We shared our first kiss on Wednesday and it was great.

We talk everyday but I feel like I'm trying too much because I'm the only one who always rings him. I understand that he is on Pay As You Go and he never has credit, because if he needs to make a call he either uses his house phone or a family members phone, and I'm on contract so I'm able to call, but if there's a will there's a way, if he wanted to talk to me, he would find a way to call me or even text me asking me to call him, I'd even be happy with that. Just something to let me know that he wants to talk to me.

On MSN, he always says hello first, but he never holds a conversation, if I ask him something, he just replies with simple answers.. and whenever I want to talk to him, hes always playing the Xbox with his best friend because they're next door neighbors, so his friend is always at his house.

There amount of times he has said 'I'll ring you later', 'I'll call you in an hour', 'I'll ring you from my house phone soon', 'I'll use my friends phone to call you later', etc.. Is unreal, yet he has NEVER called or even sent a text.

He claims to like me but the thing is, I know this is minor, but a year ago, I was dating this guy.. we didn't kiss or do anything though, and later on I found out that he was actually pretending to like me, I was so hurt and it took me 8 months to get over that guy. Also, my parents are currently going through a divorce because my dad has been cheating on my mum for the last 3 years after a 30 year marriage, and he's leaving my mother, me and my brother to live with the 'other lady'. The guy I am dating knows all of this, but he doesn't know how it has effected me and how much it hurts me when I have to talk about my parents or about the guy last year. All my personal problems just build up on top, because for 16 years, I have been lonely. I only have guy cousins, no girls.. and they're all older than 21, married with children, so I don't really have anybody to talk to. My friends are all in relationships, and I have drifted from the best friend I used to have, nothing personal.. we just slowly started changing, and things were not the same anymore. I also have a fuller figured body, but I have always been so uncomfortable with myself, I'm always conscious, I usually wear loose clothing to cover myself. It's like.. nobody understands me in a way, I can't go to anyone I know. Everyone has their own problems and I feel so alone.

My mum has gone to counseling and she sent me for 10 sessions but it didn't help because I need to talk to someone I know, I really feel like talking to this guy I'm dating, but the things he says and does are completely different. He says things and doesn't do them, it makes me feel like he isn't bothered to talk to me and that he doesn't care. Sometimes on MSN, he would say some really sweet things, so I don't know if he realises what he's doing. Sometimes I feel like im wasting my time on someone who doesn't even have time for me.

I've felt lonely for so long and I've finally met someone and he's just making me feel even more lonely. I feel like I have nobody to go to, I know I can talk to people on here but I feel like I need someone who knows me, but I'm just hurting more and he doesn't know, but I feel like if I tell him I would be bothering him with my problems.

What can I do?

View related questions: best friend, cousin, divorce, msn, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009):

It sounds like that last relationship may have scarred you a bit. It really was a horrible thing for him to play with your emotions like that, if it was only pretending for him.

Now this is a brand new relationship. You may never forget the things that happened in the past but don't let it bring you down in the future. Every guys expresses affection different, so even though he may not call you now [there's always room for men to grow and change] he may be estatic when you call him. Give him the benefit of the doubt, and give yourself a chance to have some fun in a relationship - without past fears making you keep a grudge.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009):

Lovely, hes a guy. Thats what men are like. They dont think to call back, they dont think it will be playing on your mind if they dont. They dont think of all the little niggley things girls think of. They just think really simply. He wont be thinking "oh no shes ringing me agaain" he'll just answer it and if hes busy say he'll ring back then forget. Guys dont think in the same ways we do, theyre alot simpler.

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A male reader, tenfold Australia +, writes (31 May 2009):

Mars and Venus.

Men communicate through action whereas women through verbally.

Both of your should work together to a better relationship not only just by you. You should talk to him and make sure he understand how you feel. If he do love you he should and will take action step by step.

best of luck.

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