A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am a 41 year old divorcee, living with a 13 year old daughter. I got divorced 7 years back and had been having a relationship with a married person all these years. Even though he loved me so much, he had his limitations always and he could rarely devote any time for me. He is working in another country and visits hometown only once in a year. And even after such a long time, we could not freely meet. All he could give me was 4 or 5 hours, once in a year! During other times, we would be in touch by email (daily) and phone. From day 1, he had made it clear to me that his first priority would be his wife always. Anyway, we had a close bond for as long as 8 years. But the fact remained that he was never available when I wanted his support. Around 8 months back, I fell in love with a colleague - 7 years younger to me. He is married and has got a child, but staying separately for 6 years now. They are not yet divorced. This person loves me madly and would do anything for me. But, he is dangerously possessive. It went to an extent that he cannot tolerate if I shake hands with my colleagues. This is my official requirement, but he quarrels with me daily for this. He abuses me with all sorts of bad words and hurts himself like burning his hand with cigarette butt in front of me, cutting his finger by hitting glass, etc. I tried to break away, but he would not leave me. I think he is a psychic. I have no escape from him. I tried to make him understand, but he cannot see any man touching me. He made me change my mobile number and made me promise that I wouldn't contact any of my male friends and never attend my class get-togethers. He is really mad. But I love him too. How can I get out of him? I am in India and an out of marriage relationship is not accepted here. So, I always keep restrictions for him to visit my home. He quarrels for this too. He is friendly with my child. But she also knows about his abnormal behaviour. She doesn't know that he is more than a friend to me. I really want to get out of this, but he is not leaving me. My ex-boyfriend was so generous. He was actually very frustrated when I told him I have another relationship. He wanted to continue with me, but I couldn't. He still cares for me a lot. He had told me that he would expose our relationship to the new guy, but I was afraid about his reaction. So, I stopped him. Now I have lost the old one too and I am in deep trouble. Pls advise.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2008): Please keep away from this man. He is a threat to you and your daughter. Inform the Police and your office staff about it. Hope you know the story of Othello by Shakespear. Couple of months before same thing happened in my neighbourhood. This is a warning to you.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (17 September 2008):
 You need to remove both these men from your life. Both are married, both are weird, both are trouble. If the psycho one gives you any grief call the police. Start your life fresh and take care of your daughter. And by the way, lay off the married men, they aren't an option.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (17 September 2008):
I think you have to expose this man's behavior. Go to the police, go to your boss, tell everyone that he is threatening you and him self and will not leave you alone.
He has everything to lose here which is why he is being so threatening and horrible to you, he has to keep you scared to you won't tell his secret.
Call him out and tell him that you are going to tell the police unless he never speaks to you again and leaves you alone. Tell him at work.
If he hurts himself in front of you then run and tell his boss that he has just cut himself with glass and needs medical help. Get people involved. Show him you are serious, and he will get the message.
Good Luck!! xx
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