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I think he cheated before we got married

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 July 2007) 5 Answers - (Newest, 3 July 2007)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Ive been married for a year and a half now. My husband and I are best friends. However, there was a point before we married when I felt that he had cheated on me while I was away studying. I sometimes still have this strong niggling feeling that he had had something going on with one of my best girl friends. This thought has been bothering me ever since, but Ive never had the courage to confront him about it because I'm afraid he'll think I'm crazy! My instincts are screaming, but what do I do?? Is there anything TO do at this point?

View related questions: best friend, cheated on me

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A female reader, DIE-romantic. United Kingdom +, writes (3 July 2007):

DIE-romantic. agony auntBreak it to him and ask him. Well if it was with one of your best friends, then thats low. But if he admits it, you can maybe put it behind you, at least you will then know, and its better him doing it then than doing it now. Although its not condonable him doing it at all, but if it is the case, like i said its better to know.

Hope ive helped. xxx

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A female reader, flower girl United Kingdom +, writes (3 July 2007):

flower girl agony auntIf you spoke to him about it and it turned out that something had indeed gone on, do you think you would be able to forgive him.

If you think you could then maybe it would be best to leave it altogether, what makes you think if he has done any thing he is going to admit to it anyway?.

Think how he will feel if you ask him and it's just your imagination on overdrive, he might well be devastated to think you don't trust him because thats how it will come accross.

I personally would leave it and if i got anything concrete then i would talk to him.

Take care.x.x

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A female reader, flower girl United Kingdom +, writes (3 July 2007):

flower girl agony auntIf you spoke to him about it and it turned out that something had indeed gone on, do you think you would be able to forgive him.

If you think you could then maybe it would be best to leave it altogether, what makes you think if he has done any thing he is going to admit to it anyway?.

Think how he will feel if you ask him and it's just your imagination on overdrive, he might well be devastated to think you don't trust him because thats how it will come accross.

I personally would leave it and if i got anything concrete then i would talk to him.

Take care.x.x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2007):

I would say forget about it but obviously you're not going to, are you? It sounds like you should just bring it up.

Either he is innocent and will be really reassuring and completely put your mind at rest or it will turn out your gut feeling is correct.

I don't know really, people are different, some would say pursuing this can only be a bad thing but personally I think knowing the truth comes first before all else.

Don't let that already strong niggling feeling grow to become resentment and paranoia, because it will if you let it. You'll end up sabotaging the relationship yourself just so that you are forced to bring it up. Sort it out sooner than later, I personally think.

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A female reader, sexi South Africa +, writes (3 July 2007):

sexi agony auntHi, unfortunately the only way to stop this is for you to be open with him - he is your husband afterall. Just tell him what you think and reassure him that you love him but he should please be open and honest with you. The truth is that you can't really trust your friend to tell you the truth because it is unlikely she would. I think the only way you would get some truth if there was any is to ask your hubby staright out. You should also be aware of his initial reactions, if he is defensive and angry then maybe there was something that happened but if he is calm about the situation, give him the benefit of the doubt.Be careful,

Dont accuse him for nothing.

Good luck

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