A
female
age
30-35,
*iancar
writes:Hell everyone, my boyfriend and i love each other. However,there is an issue that we have been facing since we started dating almost a year ago,and i think its getting worse.I need some help with that.I come from a wealthy family ( please dont comment on that),i never have to worry about things like tuition,how to pay my bills, and we don't have a lot of family issues, my boyfriend on the other hand comes from a family where he has to work to pay for school and his bills, and also he does give money to his mother once in a while to help out, and they have so many family issues.He thinks that i cant understand his situation,and most of the time we argue because of that.And it makes me feel like i have to have problems,so he can feel that i understand him. I really don't know how to deal with this,because its creating an issue between us. Every time he has a family issue or financial trouble he talks to me about it but ending up getting frustrated and he says that i don't understand him,but i am really supportive and i listen to him .How can we resolve this issue?Thank you for helping
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 October 2012):
 you don't have a clue. I come from a comfortable family.. never had to worry about money... college was covered. my first house downpayment covered... my kids are taken care of for life...
i wanted.. I got.. Europe as a gift trip JUST because...
yeah I get it....
and you can't say "I understand" because you don't.
so you say "i'm listening.. what else can I do to help?"
because WOMEN vent to get it off their chests.. MEN talk about it to FIX it... it's a biochemical thing I've learned....
sometimes I just want to rant... but my husband cuts me off and says "WHAT DO YOU NEED ME TO DO?" all frustrated...
so you need to figure out what he wants/needs you to do.
you can say "honey I don't know how you feel, you're right, I've never been in your shoes... but you are my partner and I want to help... can you tell me what you need from me to help you?"
A
male
reader, lungy  +, writes (25 October 2012):
 JUST be there for him, but don't act as if you understand especially if YOU come from TWO different worlds. AT times just listening is much BETTER than trying to explain to him that you understand...PLEASE don't give up on him
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (25 October 2012):
 Stacey's right. You dont have a clue what he is going through. You can guess and I bet you do feel for him, but you dont know what is like to be poor and after to work hard to get through life. Dont beat yourself up about. When he tells you these things, just tell him 'I want to let you know that even though its tough, I am here for you, baby.' Just soothe him by being his girlfriend and making him happy. Just be there for him and let him know that even though you really dont know what hes going through, you love him and you stick by him and you agree that hes doing the right thing. He just wants validation that hes right. Give it to him. Guys always want to be right.
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A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (25 October 2012):
 The truth is you can't understand his financial problems. You haven't been there to truly feel how he feels. You shouldn't say "I understand what you are going through" because until you have been there you really don't understand. You should say " Okay I haven't been in your situation so I can't say exactly how hard it is to go through what you are going through, but what I can and will do is be here for you". Just acknowledge that it is hard for him and listen the best you can. I'm sure a good part of him is jealous of your life, so hearing that you get where he is coming from is annoying and insulting for him. I am not saying you never have problems, but this particular issue you need to accept you don't know. Also when guys talk about issues they aren't necessarily wanting to hear solutions (I don't know if you are trying to give solutions for him) but just someone who listens.
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