A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months. I am struggling to trust him. It is probably my own trust issues but I keep finding reasons not to trust him. He swears he is loyal and loves me. But I found a text message he sent to another girl, a supposed friend, telling her he misses her. What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): I was the original question asker and just had something to add. I really appreciate the responses and agree, I can't let my insecurities overwhelm me and I need to be trustworthy as well. I just wanted to add that I was not searching his phone for his text messages, I was using it to find a text he had sent me. He does this with my phone all the time. Also, I do know this girl as she was a friend of his when we first met. He told me then that they were never attracted to each other. I found out later, from him by accident, he had been interested in her. I did not get too bothered by that because we are together now so it shouldn't matter. But it strikes me as odd to re-ignite a friendship with someone you were interested in recently while you are with someone else. And to say you missed her is a little disconcerting. I hope I am being paranoid and insecure. I don't want to make a bigger deal out of something than I should.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 December 2009):
 I agree. You have no idea who this woman is, she could be a relative or childhood friend! You need to just trust him. I know that if you have trouble trusting him everything seems suspicious, but you really do have to give him a chance. Do NOT confront him about it, he will feel betrayed that you were snooping.
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A
female
reader, dazey  +, writes (14 December 2009):
You didn't "find" a text message, you searched his phone because you don't trust him!
You shouldn't do that, and you shouldn't feel as if you need to. Perhaps you are not secure enough to have a relationship with someone else? Surely the point is to bring joy, love, trust and partnership to the person you choose, not jealousy and control. What is the relationship doing for you and can you find a way to stop the negative patterns? If not I think you should consider ending it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): I miss women friends, just like I miss may guy friends- not cheating with either of them- you need to work on this and leave this poor guy alone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): Dating for seven months? Do you have an agreement to be exclusive to one another? (presumably if you're having sex neither of you should be dating anyone else).
Generally, when two people date, they are free to see others unless and until they mutually decide not to.
If you keep finding reasons not to trust your bf, perhaps you should talk to him about what's going on, if you haven't already done so. If you do talk and don't get a satisfactory response, you should probably cut your losses before you get more involved with him.......
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): Stop reading his text messages unless he gives you reason to believe he is cheating on you....
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