A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I wanted to ask if it is normal to still be in love with your ex after being broken up 4 and a half years. I have tried to move on, but I feel like my ex was the love of my life and I can't bring myself to date anyone else, even though I know I should. I have tried everything I can think of to move on, but feel stuck. I even still have dreams about my ex and the thought of being with anyone else frankly makes my eyes tear. I loved my ex so much and we had a great relationship, but I guess in the end my ex did not feel as strongly for me and so we parted ways. We are still long distance friends and my ex calls me from time to time to say hi. Our break up was amicable even though it broke my heart. I know there is no chance of us getting back together, so how do I move on?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011): hugs to you. losing the person you love is very difficult. I'm going through a break up also, we still love each other and he wants to be friends with nothing romantic. I'm not sure about the friendship, but I do hope over time I can forgive him and have him in my life in some way. I have been dating and I started that almost immediately but I keep it as friends until I see any potential for more. 4 years is a long time but who is to say what is normal. Everyone heals and moves on in their own time frame. I would start dating now, or at least go out with people in groups. While you are removing yourself from even interacting with potential partners, he is living his life and dating. Do you want the next phone call from him to be him telling you that he is getting engaged/married? I'm sure this is not what you want for yourself. If you don't feel you can date romantically then keep it as a friendship until you find someone who you feel it will work with. Maybe it would be a good idea to cut contact with him at least for a few months.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2011): Maybe your in love with being in love?
We could all look back with rose coloured specks,but no mans totally perfect, he must have had a bad habit you hated - perhaps you could focus on that
Its a looong time for you to be stuck in this bubble, life goes on,don't dwell on the might have beens but focus on the future and what could be,lifes not all about having a man either.Yes you will probably always have some feelings for him but think of what your missing out on by thinking he will be the only man you will ever love.
Cut contact for now, a clean break and tomorrow is the first step to leaving him behind and looking to the future.
xx
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 September 2011):
 Stop answering his phone calls and do something you enjoy doing. First you have to love your life even without the thought of a man. Try to do something not for the sake of moving on, but just enjoy each moment, the beauty of life itself, if you can just open your eyes.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (11 September 2011):
 Hi,
How? You just do it, because you have to. If you cannot do it on your own, try to seek for professional help. It's not healthy for you to be stuck for 4 1/2 years. I know it's difficult, because I was also in a 10 years relationship, we just ended 1 year ago. You have to go through stages. After all, this man was part of your daily life, it's extremely difficult to accept, go on life without him, but you have no choice but to accept.
It's ok to feel depress, sad, heartbroken, angry, etc. You need to let yourself feel everything, you are allow to. But, after sometime, you need to push yourself and move on. Therapy might help you, maybe you need to express what you are feeling inside, doing so will release the pain slowly.
Just be strong, you have to do this for yourself. You deserve to be happy, fall in love again. I know how you feel, it's been only a year for me, I feel destroyed inside, but I push myself everyday, and refuse to be home alone, in pain, because I know he's out there living his life, so that motivates me more to go forward. Life sometimes is unfair, you never get the answers you need, but it's part of life.
Take this time to discover yourself. Everyday, do something that makes you happy. Go exercise, get a new haircut, go shopping, buy something nice for you, get manicure, pedicure, eat something delicious, make new friends, find out more about your current friends, family, do all the things you always wanted to do, but couldn't because you didn't have the time.
Things will get better, it's your life and it's up to you to change and make a better life. Remember, you control your life, your mind. Be strong, be positive, if you start making changes, you will feel better about yourself, you will attract good people to you, and suddenly you will get your life back and everything will fall it's place.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, a_maldita  +, writes (11 September 2011):
 I know it is very hard to let of the person especially when you have planned so many things with him...
There is no such thing as forgetting but acceptance is the key. I am in the same situation as you are now I can't imagine being with someone else for the rest of my life and it's very tough. But I usually tell my self that time will heal everything and if he is not meant to be mine then I should let him go. You have to think of you own happiness after all no one has to be stuck with a love that was never meant to last.
Good luck and hope you find the answer soon...
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