A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in a stable relationship with a guy who loves me truly. We live in different cities and since last year I started to take liking for a colleague of mine. We talk to each other about work and personal stuff every single day. For the last 1 year we were just good friends. 2 weeks back both of us got drunk and ended up having sex. And a week after that, he rang me up and asked me to come over to his place. We watched a movie and then engaged in foreplay. He was very passionate yet we didnt do the actual thing. Now my feelings for him have become very intense. I am utterly confused. What should i do? I somehow feel that he likes me, yet isnt interested in a serious relationship. Please advise.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (4 November 2009):
 Sorry that your question seems to have come in during a very busy time, and was overlooked. I hope this answer will help you.
I would say that your statement that your relationship is "stable" isn't painting the true picture. You say this guy loves you truly, but you don't mention how you feel about him.
My guess is that you've allowed this relationship with your colleague to develop because you are secretly unhappy with the situation with your official boyfriend. You live in different cities, so do you not see each other enough? Are there no plans for the future in this "stable" relationship?
I think you have grown close to this colleague because your subconscious is trying to send you a message. You are not happy, so you are making choices that are designed to destroy the "stable" relationship.
Look deep inside yourself to see if you are truly content with the situation with the official boyfriend. My guess is not.
I would caution you to refrain from getting into a relationship with a colleague without considering all the potential outcomes. Many people have lost their jobs for having an affair at work and bringing sex into the workplace. Most employers do not want that kind of drama and if there is supervisor/subordinate involvement, this becomes a real concern. Sexual harrassment, jealous colleagues, favoritism, nepotism, so many things can go wrong.
Step back for the time being, stop the involvement and figure it out. Be honest with yourself and don't make choices that could ruin your career, or hurt someone who has done nothing wrong except care for you.
Take care.
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