A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 19 years... the majority of that time I have been unhappy. I have done everything I can to make sure everyone else is happy. I feel so unhappy and alone. I don't want to upset anyone, even when my husband had an affair I stayed quiet and put up with it. I have always said at 40 it's my turn for a life. Now I sit in the bedroom on my own and avoid my husband and kids because I don't know how to tell them the truth... that I want out, I don't want to be married to my husband... their father any more... Please help.... angel
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female
reader, Ginalolabridga + ♥, writes (26 January 2009):
 Hi,
I know the last thing you feel like right now is to talk this over with your husband but talk you must you cannot sit in a bedroom alone away from your family the kids must see this and they must know something is wrong you need to address this now 19 yrs is a long time to harbour ill feelings and i fully understand how you feel and i am taking a guess here but i imagine the hurt from hubby's affair is still very raw in your head!
If your marriage has broken down and you cannot see it getting any better and if your not prepared to put the work in and try to make it work then you really have to discuss this with your hubby i think you have realised you are getting older and maybe have no happiness, or love left in this marriage and see your only way out of this being a divorce! maybe if you spoke to your children also i would be very surprised if they already didn't know something was up! i worry that retreating to your bedroom constantly to hide will somehow end up with you being deeply depressed and you really do not want that on top of what your dealing with so please why don't you try and make the effort this week to speak to your husband take care.
Gina
A
male
reader, OmegaXF  +, writes (25 January 2009):
 Wow,you want a life at 40. At almost half of your life span you want a life. You should have done that earlier. You need to get out of it. Explain to the kids that daddy did something terrible and I can't forgive him excuses. File some papers for custody etc. And move on with the rest of your life. there are nicer comments than this one but this one holds nothing but truth for you.
OmegaXF
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A
female
reader, missaqua777 +, writes (24 January 2009):
 im sure that nobody was destined to end up sitting alone in a bedroom this is just a wake up call don't feel like a bad person most people would NOT have stuck around 19 years i think your actions are very noble you have no choice but to explain to him and leave nobody's to blame youre obviously capable of the love and security kids need what goes around comes around you'll get the life you deserve :):) xxxxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2009): Thank you so much for your reply.... guess I knew the answer more or less to the T of what you replied... just needed emotional back up that i'm not a heartless c** god bless you and your thoughts... thank you... Angel
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A
female
reader, sweetlee07 +, writes (24 January 2009):
Hi Angel,
being a child of divorce, and seeing how my mother in a sense went through the same thing as you (she left a month before their 25th wedding anniversary)
I am truly thankful that she left. I don't want to make this sound horrible- but she left and found a man that she needed. As hard as it was as a child to understand this at the time, I wouldn't have it any other way. I hated her for leaving at first...she literally up and abandoned her life- including me. But as time progressed, and I knew the truth as to why she left- I am happy she is happy now.
Sure people get divorced every day, sure kids want a "normal" family- but ultimately, you also need to be happy. You need to live a healthy life, with someone who appreciates, loves and puts just as much into the relationship as you do.
I might be the odd one out in the answer section- but I am speaking from experience as the child that saw it all happen in front of me. I hope this helps.
Feel free to reply and I will do the same.
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A
female
reader, meforyou +, writes (24 January 2009):
If your truly unhappy you need to get out, its not healthy for you to keep yourself locked away and not have a life. You really need to sit with your husband and tell him everything you've said on here. I'm not going to tell you to stay with your husband because its clear you don't want to and you'll be trapping yourself for longer if you do, good luck x x
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