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I saw my boss on a dating app... and swiped yes! OMG!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Online dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 August 2018) 11 Answers - (Newest, 4 August 2018)
A male Australia age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Shit I didn't realise it was her until after I swiped Yes. Normally at work my boss is this conservative lady with thick glasses but she was this totally hot chick on this dating app. I mean I have never seen her even wearing a sleeveless top in the office but here she is wearing this plunging halter top with nothing underneath. Well I have never been attracted to her though I find her an attractive woman. Our relationship was always personal. Apparently she finds me attractive too because she also swiped yes to my profile. Cringe.... I used an old photo, I had a full beard back then. Iam sure she found her mistake because a few minutws later she deactivated her profile. This is really awkward. What should I do at work tomorrow. I am seriously thinking of updating my CV tonight. I don't think I can show up at work tomorrow. Help me. Cringe. Cringe

View related questions: at work, my boss

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2018):

Looks like your boss is the immature one :) and you handled it like an adult. Good job!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2018):

No biggie, OP! It's all in your attitude. Life has taught me this: if you don't care, neither will anyone else. So, if it does not bother you ( or you project that it doesn't) you are actually saving face. And in turn, your boss won't be bothered either. I could write the book on embarassing moments. I'm the first to laugh. At myself!! Just lighten it up. ;)

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A male reader, TylerSage United States + , writes (2 August 2018):

TylerSage agony auntYou're willing to up and leave your job over something as simple and quite humerous as this?

You're human, she's human. You both have needs as well as a sexual side. They only thing you may have to worry about is the awkwardness this can bring into the office, besides, it's not like the two of you hooked up together on a drunken night.

Just don't talk about it and it will eventually blow over, unless of course you like the idea of going further with a relation. However, it wouldn't be recommended to date an employer as it can affect the standing of your job.

All the best.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2018):

Okay, so I did survive a day at work today. I think it was really awkward for her though. She took great lengths to avoid interacting with me throughout the day. Like when she usually told me something in person, she asked another person to pass the message. When she did pass a document to me, her posture was so weird she was stretching from a distance trying to be as far away from me as possible. She was also clutching her chest, not that I was staring. When she sent me emails today she used my full name "Hi Donald Trump" versus her usual "Hi Donald". I reckon she thinks I was flirting with her online and she wants to make a point that she isn't interested in me. It was obvious since I swiped yes that I found her attractive. I think perhaps I should have a talk with her and let her know that I am not after her. Her behaviour was really unusual the whole office noticed it they must think I am harassing her or something like that

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A female reader, Bazil Australia +, writes (2 August 2018):

Say nothing, do nothing.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (1 August 2018):

Honeypie agony auntIGNORE IGNORE IGNORE

She is just a human being too. I doubt she will mention it, so I'd let it go - totally.

So what that she was on a dating site and you were on one? So what?

If she does mention it, down play it.

I don't think you need to look for a new job.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (1 August 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntShe is probably more embarrassed than you are, so give her a break and don't make a big deal of it.

IF she says anything (I doubt she will), laugh and make a joke out of it. Far worse things happen at sea.

Ask yourself, how much will this matter 6 months down the line? I suspect the answer will be, not a bit.

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A female reader, BettyBoup United Kingdom +, writes (1 August 2018):

BettyBoup agony auntOh no, how embarrassing! I think neither of you realised who you were swiping right to, until you looked at the picture closer. She probably didn't recognize you with the beard, so when she read your profile and realized, she must have been mortified and removed her profile.

So what can you do about it? Not a lot really. You can either try to bring it up and make light of the awkwardness, or, pretend it never happened and hope she plays along. I wouldn't worry about your job just yet. See how it goes over the next week.

Remember, you've not done anything wrong, it was an honest mistake. She might not even have recognised your photo at all. So I wouldn't bring it up. Wait and see if she brings it up first, then you can just say that she looks really different in her picture or that you didn't recognize her at first. But that could be a bit insulting haha because you're basically saying she doesn't look that hot in teal life haha. Oh God, yeah, run for the hills haha. Just hope she never brings it up. Good luck!

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (1 August 2018):

She deactivated her profile. Now leave it alone, and forget about it; before you find yourself out looking for another job. If you used an old picture to misrepresent yourself; I'm sure you can find it within yourself to pretend it's no big deal, and it was clearly a mistake.

Stop cringing. Be professional. She's human, just as you are.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2018):

I should pretend it never happened. If she ever mentions it (which I doubt she will, she is probably as mortified as you) then just say you thought you better be polite and swipe yes seeing as she’s your boss (as a friendly rather than romantic gesture). I don’t think you need to change your job because of it!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2018):

Relax. You’re both adults. Just pretend you don’t know and if she says anything you can say oh I didn’t realize that was you.

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