A
female
age
51-59,
*assafras
writes:I have lived with my boyfirend for three years and we have a 2 year old son together. My elder son of 17 also lives with us. I have two grown-up daughters who live away. Although I do still have strong feelings towards my partner I realise we are very mismatched in nearly every way, interests, politics, background, education....I could go on. I regret the birth of our son every day and resent the ties he places on me..... I am though a conscientious mother. I am increasingly negative about this relationship and fantasize constantly about getting out and starting again but I gave up my job to raise our son and finding a job is very hard at the moment so i am economically dependent on my partner. So am I simply bored and under fulfilled of should I get out of what I consider to be a doomed relationship? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, dr.2.be  +, writes (15 December 2009):
 The best thing for you to do in this relationship is leave. Its not good for you nor your son. Even though your son is only two years old, he still picks up on the negative cues that you may give off. He may know that you regret having him, just by the way you interact with your partner and interact with him. He knows you are unhappy. I suggest you talk to your partner about the way you feel. Be truthful. Have this talk during a time when you are both calm and relaxed. Talk about taking some time away. You should see a counselor too. They have experience dealing with situations such as these. Let your partner know that you feel this is the best thing to do in order to spare your son's emotional development and your own mental health. If you feel you need to leave your partner completely, I suggest you leave him with your boyfriend. A child whose mother doesnt fully appreciate and love with their whole heart has potential to act out in school and misbehave as well as develop emotional problems later in life.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): I am the daughter of a mother that 'regretted' having me. If you carry on with this attitude I know how he is going to feel as he grows up, and it's not good, do you want him to feel like that?
Like I said earlier, you are not tied to your partner, do something about it if you are not happy and stop blaming your 2 year old son for how you life is, and treat him as the gift that he is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): "I regret the birth of our son every day and resent the ties he places on me." this is the core reason i am pro choice. did you not hear of precautions and abortion. selfish behaviour from irresponsible parents just kill me.
get real - you CHOOSE to have this kid. he is innocent. live with your decision and take responsiblity for bringing this innocent kid into this world.
stories like this just make me so angry!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): You should have been more careful about who you had your son with !.it's not your son's fault that he was born, or that you chose the wrong man !. i think what you have said about your son is disgusting !.He doesnt tie you to the relationship, you tie yourself to it . If you dont want to be with him, leave. You should never stay in a bad relationship.The child could grow to resent you not only for saying you wish you hadn't had him, but also for staying in a bad environment.Believe me, i know from experience.My mum said she stayed with my dad for the sake of me and my brother, and yet she had wanted to leave when we were children.She left when my brother was 14 and i was 18.There were years of arguements and physical fights between my parents.Also, i was three months premature, and my parents almost lost me,and they would never say they wish i hadn't been born .There are parents who have children with disabilities who dont say they wish they hadn't had their child, so stop moaning and count yourself lucky to have your son.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): Giving up your job, being tied to the house with a toddler, all that could be the reason you are bored with your boyfriend, and not necessarily the boyfriend himself.
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A
female
reader, JustMex +, writes (13 December 2009):
 My mum is in a similar situation to you, except that my brother is 12, she doesn't want to leave because she's financially dependant on him. I have told her she should leave, it would make the 3 of us much happier. Does she listen? No.
If you are staying for the sake of your child. Then don't. Leave. Otherwise he will only be brought up in a miserable house, if you don't get along, and are unhappy. You may think kids don't notice these things, but they do, they really do. Especially the little things.
As you are in the UK, I know if you left (or told him to move out) you would get help financially. It may not be as much as your partners wage but at least you will be happier. Once he's old enough to go to school or if you can find someone to babysit, you could work again - part time.
Yes, your son may tie you to this man, but only in the sense that you're his mother and father, this does not mean you need to stay with him. In fact, leaving him sooner rather than later would be a better option whilst your child is still very young, at least then he won't have any emotional damage done to him. If your older son knows how you feel - he can probably pick up on it - then I'm pretty sure he'd rather you leave if that's what will make you happier. It's your decision, to do what's best, for all of you, in the long run. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, jasmin nisar  +, writes (13 December 2009):
 i dont seem 2 understand how any mother can say they regret having a chil unless the child was conceived under faulse protenses its not the childs fault he didnt ask 2 b born in2 this relationship u find ur doomed in it sounds to me your unhappy because u want to be out doing things that your friends are doing u feel that you have exceeded the parenting period of your life and jus want to get out there and have fun. your child is most defenatley not to blame maybe your relationship isnt working because you are wanting more you want to be the worker not the parent at home y dont u try talking to your partner and see what he wants to its no good being together if the child/children suffer from the strain of seeing a parent unhappy its unhealthy u can be good parents seperatley as much as together. staying with some1 because of income is no reason 2 stay unhappy if u are thinking of leaving make sure u have resources to fall back on as u dont want to end up with nothing when u have a child/children 2 care for
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): I hope you don't tell your son you regret having him
He doesn't tie you to anything. Plenty of women bring up children on their own. If you're not happy then it up to you to do something about it.
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