A
female
age
30-35,
*ngel of love
writes:A friend of mine asked my advice on this situation and I had no idea what to tell her. She is a 19 year old single mother and the father of her baby doesn’t know that she had his baby. She feels that she doesn’t want to tell him because he has such bad habits and she doesn’t want it to affect her child. It was a one night stand and it’s they never really dated before. The reason she doesn’t want to tell him is because he smokes marijuana and he is somewhat of an alcoholic. He dropped out of high school and he has a girlfriend. What should I suggest she does on the matter of telling him or not?
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alcoholic, has a girlfriend, one night stand, smokes Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): Telling the truth about paternity is not optional.
How would your friend like it if there was secretly a child of HERS out there somewhere and the father just didn't want to tell her?
The time to decide that a guy would not make a good father for your child is when his dick is still in his pants.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (13 December 2009):
 I think he deserves to know. They both participated in the event. What are your friends circumstances?
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A
female
reader, JustMex  +, writes (13 December 2009):
 Personally, if I was in her shoes, I would tell him that he's the father, because it's unfair on the child, especially as it grows up, he's going to start asking questions. I can understand she doesn't want him to be the father because of his smoking and drinking, but he is. If she told him he would have to clean up his act to be a proper father, or if he didn't want to know then he has to at least give her money towards bringing up their child. Of course, this is what she should consider, both sides, which she has more than likely done. I would say, as you can't tell her what to decide, that she should do what's best for the baby. You could tell her what you think, in a suggestive way, but then also tell her it's her decision only.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): I wouldn't suggest anything, it is her life, her decision and I would tell her that. If she needs financial support, then of course he should bear the responsibility of that, but if she doesn't want him to have joint custody then she can keep it a secret. She may find later that her child wants to know her her real father is. Hopefully, she will some day marry and her child will have a father in her spouse.
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A
female
reader, Sweety Pie +, writes (13 December 2009):
 I think he deserves to know, whether he wants to take action about it is another story..
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): What would the economic consequences be? Would he have to pay child support? Does she need this money? Would the child later on wonder who it's father is and try to find him?
I actually think that if her gut feeling is not to tell this man, she should go with it. But, doing so could be illegal. Check up on these things!
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