| A
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: Hello world. Beforehand, I would like to take the time to acknowledge any future responses - it means the world to me and I am forever grateful.I don't which way to put it but I am in deep distress over many aspects of this situation. I met this boy when I was in third grade and for years and years I had always loved him and hoped he would one day feel the same way. We did go to the same school the year I met him and I wouldn't go to the same school again until 9th grade. But regardless, I always liked him. I was very close with him in third grade and then we distanced when he switched schools. I always did feel the same way.9th grade came along. Everyone knew I like him and pressured him to go out with me. Hence, he "took a chance." Well I fell hard for him. Of all the boyfriends I'd have, no one compares to the deep feelings I had for him. We shared our first everything (though not sexual intercourse) and I would crave to spend all my time with him. Problems, as expected, emerged. I always wanted a guy who would love talking (texting, long conversations, etc) and we never did have deepset conversation. I always had to think of what to say and joked around a lot or teased him. But nevertheless I was in love with him for some odd reason. Always was. And it never bothered me. His family didn't like me cause of our family rivalry and he always seemed to put his friends first. Whenever we did hangout, it was always so intense and hard to part. I would always find myself craving for his presence. But I knew he loved me. Eventually, we broke up after less than a year. His love faded and I spend a long hard time trying to get over it. I had a couple hopefuls over the years that always were short-termed and I never were in love with them. I convinced myself a year later I was over it. I got desperate at times and my best friend and I confused our friendship for love as well. My best friend has qualities I have always wanted in a guy and he is the only guy that has my humor. But that's not so important -Anyways when I dumped my ex (because we would never see each other or talk due to his parents) I thought for sure I was doing the right thing. There were no tears. He even admitted his love faded and a month later I called him and asked him back. Bitter of rejection, I requested we not be friends. It is not two years since and at first it bothered me seeing him. I just ignore him and I have gotten stronger where I do not want to admit I still love him. I dream of him still and usually when I am over it, A dream comes out of nowhere and the feelings come back. Also, I see him once a week and my mom would tell me he was looking at me and says things like she really thinks he is my soulmate and that he is the one for me. This usually gives me hope and it's horrible wishing he would ask for me back or confront me. He never would cause he is shy. I dont mind that we have no conversation. I always had a deep set love for him and it just confuses me. I know in my heart I will always love him and time has not healed these wounds. I know I am still young but I am just very confused.I appreciate anyone reading this. This is long. I just would like to get my mind straight and find out what I do! I am lost and been lost. I write a lot of poetry about it and listen to songs I can relate to but these things which usually help me cope with it arent helping. I really love him but want to be strong and move on. I am vulnerable causen if he asked me back I would just say yes immediately. Please help me figure out what to do. Thank you for everything.
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, move on, my ex, shy, soulmate Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MissVee  +, writes (23 February 2011):
I keep having to check your age as I read through your letter. Your maturity is quite astounding, and it seems as if you are emotionally very clever, deep and aware.The general feeling (my "gut feeling", if you will) is that he needs some time to develop emotionally. Someone who puts others before you, who needs to be convinced to "take a chance" is not that emotionally developed yet. Look within yourself for a clue about where YOU need to go next in life. You are able to do this, I know, as it takes a clear view of one's own soul to write poetry. Ask yourself, honestly, do you want to be in a relationship with this person, or do you simply want to be there for him, to protect him? To be his strength when he has none left of his own, the one who makes him smile, keeps harm far from him, and who works endlessly in the background to make his life go just that bit more smoothly? There is a vast difference between feeling admiration, protective urges and platonic love mingled, and in being "in love" with someone, but the two feelings are scarily similar! I suspect that you are confusing the two, as you "see" not merely in colours, but also in emotions - most creative types do! This is a great trait to have, from a creative stand-point, but as you've discovered, if you don't get it under control, it will mess with your mind!As for not minding about there being no conversation, please only accept this from anyone if you have not compromised a want of your own. That said, sometimes everything that needs to be said can be said without even a word being uttered. There is more to communication than the spoken word, after all.Please don't put your life on hold for someone who may or may not be your ideal partner. You are SO young, chicky, and really you're just beginning to live your life. As you have seen, life is full of rich, deep experiences and not all of them are pleasant. Some of them can actually drive you halfway to Crazy Cat Lady and back in frustration! Live your life. What will be, will be. Don't say no to any opportunities that come along just because he MIGHT one day take you back. There's no reason why you can't stay friends with this guy, but be aware that he might take a long while to "ripen up". Why not live your life for now? Who knows what the future holds!PS. Pour those emotions into creative endeavours that encompass a wide variety of artistic mediums, and this will likely prevent those niggardly little dreams haunting you at night. They're doing it because they are not properly expressed while you're awake.Sending you all the luck in the world! xx
|
