A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I'm planning a trip abroad to celebrate a significant birthday. It's something I've wanted to do for most of my life. I am paying for my partner and two sons who are both in their mid twenties. In a rash moment I said that my sons could bring their girlfriends if they paid for themselves as I couldn't afford to do so. This has already caused problems as one girlfriend can't afford it and the other one says she is coming once she has saved for it. However, whilst my sons would normally share a room, we will now need an extra room and I suspect that the girl who is coming will probably not have a lot of spending money for meals etc. I feel I may have put both girls in a difficult situation. I also feel the dynamic will be upset with one son not having his girfriend with him. Having got myself into this situation, how can I best manage it from now on?
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (1 October 2013):
 I agree with Cindy here. Whether your son's girlfriends can afford to go or not is their affair. Your sons aren't married to them, and I assume that they're not joined at the hip surgically, so it's possible that one of your sons will go alone. That's not your problem either. You invited them to go on a trip with you for your birthday and left the window open if they want to extend to their significant other's.
As for the girl who is coming who may not have meal money, that means she can't afford it. Her boyfriend, your son, is the one who should be helping her out if she can't. You made your point clear. "Afford" means ALL expenses, not simply she buys a ticket and then springs a lack of funds on you.
Either way, you need to keep saving up!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2013): I know you feel bad, and the girls probably feel awkward, but this is what it is. You can't afford to pay for them, and although it's sad they can't afford to pay for themselves, let's hope the son whose girlfriend is coming helps her out with food. I'm in the same boat as your sons' girlfriends. I'm a woman in my mid-twenties who can pay her bills, but vacations are EXTREMELY limited to once a year, staying with my dad in a different state and eating cheap food. It nearly kills me financially just to take the time off work, much less actually do fun things or go fun places! What a thought! ;) My man's parents live in a beautiful pristine mountain lake setting that's very popular for vacations in the US. He is 9 years older than I am and is better off, but of course when they want us to visit, they offer to pay for his ticket, but not mine. Since they know my situation, they know that this means I won't be able to come and he will. I'll admit, it feels pretty crappy. At the same time, I don't and can't expect anything else from them--I'm not their child. It's like, why invite me if you know I can't come? It almost makes it worse than if they hadn't invited me at all. (My man offered to pay for half of my ticket, since his was free, but sadly I was even more broke than that, so we both ended up not going. Now he is accompanying me to stay with my dad and eat cheap food ;) ) I don't think there's anything else for you to do at this point other than let the girls deal with it by themselves. If one does end up coming but shows signs that she might starve (orders a side salad at an expensive restaurant when you know she's hungry), for Pete's sake, make sure the girl is fed and feel out the rest of the situation...maybe she wants to do yard work or clerical work for you to make it up to you...but don't let her starve. Even broke girls need a vacation sometimes.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 October 2013):
 I don't see exactly what's the " situation ". You stated very clearly your intentions from the beginning: if these girls want to tag along on a family celebration, fine , but they'll have to do it on their dime. Sounds normal to me, unless you are really extremely affluent.
If they can't afford it, they have the choice to stay home. I presume that we are talking about a typical , average holiday of 1 or 2 weeks , - not a 6 months long world tour ? So, they all will survive and thrive even if they have to be separated for a few days. We are not talking early teens here, we are talking grown up adults that can choose and handle intelligently their priorities. If they have chosen and accepted to travel with YOU, that's how it's going to be. Or, they can choose to pay for the impecunious gorlfriend (s ) out of their own pocket.
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