A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 31 year old woman, in a relationship with a man 20 years older than me. We have been together for 9 years after he left his then wife for me.Over the years I have resented him for numerous things: lack of commitment, his control issues, and that his family still don't know he is with me...he lives with me yet his family think he lives in a house they bought for him after the divorce! Anyway, my problem is that I don't love him anymore. When i try to break up with him, he wears me down and makes me feel guilty for leaving. Every time I end it, I give in to his begging and pleading after 4-5 days. It's exhausting trying to pretend, especially when he nags me for sex. On the very rare occasion I will do it just to satisfy him, but he doesn't turn me on. I feel I need to break it off over txt, as when I try to do it in person he starts shouting, swearing, name calling and accusing me of being with other men. On the odd occasion he has thrown stuff around my house. He apologises afterwards blaming drink for his actions.How would anybody else handle this? I just want to be on my own, when he is here he irritates me as I just feel he uses me for a better lifestyle: my house is alot nicer to be in than his and so he uses it like his own. He doesn't pay anything towards it though.I'm exhausted trying to keep up the pretence!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 January 2016):
 You just need to tell him outright you do not love him any more and you want to break up with him. Ask him to pack his stuff and go. If he refuses well when he is out of the house pack it for him and leave it at the front door. Change your lock if he has a key. Change your number if he keeps harassing you. If he still keeps bothering you then ring the police.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2016): Well he doesn't have very much going for him if he's not man enough to tell his family about living with you even after 9 years! I can understand at the beginning it may have been difficult but not after all this times.
I could never be with somebody that long and not have a relationship with any of their family, I'd find that a bit upsetting if I was kept a secret.
He doesn't pay you anything for the home and his family bought him a house at his age? Sounds like a bit of a scrounger to me.
I had the same problem with a man I was seeing for three years, whenever I tried splitting up with him he would bombard me with texts and accused me of seeing other people until he got in such a fit of a rage and paranoid he would act crazy. I ended up seeing him again just to keep the peace.
You need to ignore him, you don't want to be with him so force yourself to ignore any text message he sends you. NO matter what he says ignore it.
Would he tell his family about you? Would he give you that commitment you want? Would he stop drinking? If he can't do any of those things for you then why should you do something for him by staying?
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