A
female
age
41-50,
*ott Mezz
writes:My bf and I have been going out for 8 mos,I'm getting divorced (separated more than a yr ago) and I have a son.Well, we see each other 1-3 times a week and mostly all day Mondays, we txt about 100 txts daily between both of us, and I call every other night and used to call daily b4 he went 2 work, he's upset that they r not long phone calls anymore, he always says there's always plenty to talk about if you love a person, and I just have less and less time for him, however, I don't think so. He says that Im just taking him for granted and always neglecting him,there's just not much to talk about sometimes. Am I inconsiderate? Cold? He also always insists that I fix my relationship with my dad so that it wont affect us when we live together, I understand that, but I think I should do it when I think it's right for me and he seems to think that I will do it when it's too late. He pushes me too much about this and the neglect thing,I've told him how I feel,I have so many things going on that I need him to be patient,he says he understands and that he'll back off but he never does. His argument is that because he loves me he should always be making sure the I know he loves me, mine is that I already know that and I dont need constant reassurance and feel he shouldn't need it either, then he says when u love someone u should never let them 4get u love them, we both have come from bad relationships, more recently me, I need things slower, I have told him this too, I love him very much and he loves metoo, Idk what 2 do or if Im being insensitive.
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female
reader, Hott Mezz +, writes (7 March 2010):
Hott Mezz is verified as being by the original poster of the question He is 33 yrs old and has a 14yr old dau. and a 6yr old son,Idk what he wants from me, he usually lets this arguments go, but I can tell he resents me now, he hasn't talked to me in two days now,because I demanded he tell me EXACTLY what he wants me to do, now he gives me the "cold shoulder"
I live with my parents since I left my ex,I only pay the power bill because I have no job right now, my father won't really approve of me dating him while I'm in his house and still not divorced, he would kick me out with my son(which I understand and respect)his house his rules,but I still dedicate more than enough time to my bf as you already know, he doesn't like to be a secret from my dad, everyone else in the household knows about him and them including my bf know that dad is not reasonable, I am going to talk to dad as soon as Im divorced in June, it's a more comfortable time for me.Bf says I'm just avoiding stress and conflict and he insists bcuz just wishes he could be with me without time constraints, but I already c him and talk to him plenty,that he wishes he could just shut up but it hurts him and he won't do that to himself no more, because it happened with his ex,and that it's happening again but not because of me but the situation, situation I made CLEAR since the beginning, he says I act like a child when it comes to this, but I'm not the one throwing the tantrums.
IDK what he wants then.I FEEL he's pushing me away.He really loves me and he goes out of his way a lot. He makes feel beautiful and special, he wants to be a part of my life so bad that he kind of bullies into it. He says I act as if Im alone sometimes and I dont let him. I want to find some balance but IDK how to. Im going crazy, I know we could be happy if we could get over this. But he is so overbearing sometimes.
A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (7 March 2010):
 Lose this guy. He's too needy and is sucking all the energy out of your relationship and sapping your strength. Concentrate on raising your child. You don't need a guy like this around. I am afraid if you keep him around his neediness will morph into him being controlling. You don't need or want that.
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (7 March 2010):
 You two are not teenagers anymore. Though I believe that he loves you, he seems overly klingy. Almost to the point like he is stalking you or simply just trying to control you. Maybe its insecurity, maybe he coming off a bad relationship, or maybe he is an overcaring, overbearing, someconsuming man.
The point is, if you don't correct this unwanted behavior now, you are going to have to live this day in and day out if you two erey decide to tie the knot.
There is hope. You two need to have a heart to heart talk and possibly counseling. His behavior will only get worse if you simply put up with it.
Good Luck,
Jeff
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2010): Honey, to be honest, he sounds too much. I would be putting more distance between you. He's so needy that he'll end up dragging you down, distancing you from friends and family in order for him to be the entire centre of your world. The 100+ texts a day are very excessive, and you do run out of things to say, no matter how much you love someone. At risk of upsetting you, he sounds stalkerish.
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A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (7 March 2010):
You are not beinginsensitive. Your guy is very insecure right now and is sucking up all the enery in your relationship with his neediness. Be firm and warn him that this sort of behavior will ruin a relationship. If you can have him examine his own behavior and why he is behaving that way. Sounds like a 15 year old with his first love and not a man in his 30's. Is this what you really want?
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (7 March 2010):
 No. His perfectionism is annoying. He's the one who's inconsiderate. It's not necessary to say I love you all the time. It's true that every day is a new day, our feelings can change. But he's smothering you and it's making it hard for you to love him. Every one thinks he's right in a relationship. It's best to deal with him calmly but firmly that you need space and privacy. You don't need to be told what to do with your dad. He could wish for a good relationship between you and your dad for the sake of your happiness only, not because in any way it could affect you and him. If you give in to all his reassuring demands, he's not going to learn boundaries and how to be self-sufficient.
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A
male
reader, weparley +, writes (7 March 2010):
No you're not being insensitive, You're just seeing that you a bf that can act like a TOTAL CHILD."That's petty pathetic" ...If this man can't see that you have a life OUTSIDE of him. I would consider removing my presences from him. "He Sounds like a stalker in training"Let me ask? how old is this clown?He's acting like a 3 year old child when the parents have a newborn and the attention goes away."Ditch'em Asap"
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