A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Was with a guy for five years, engaged and lived together for two of those! He broke it off with me, been split now over seven months. Been a pretty rocky road ever since, talking one minute, not the next. ! He rang a few weeks back in tears, saying everything that had happened had hit him. Ever since he has said that he wants to be in contact and be in friends. We have been in contact pretty much every day since, nothing major, just everyday talk. We've also met up a couple of times, for coffee, for a movie, etc. We haven't kissed or anything like that. ! During this time I've told him I need no contact because I can't move on otherwise to which he agreed but the next day I get a text. What is his game??? And how should I respond? Advice much appreciated xx
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (25 February 2011):
 To keep this short - he is lonely and wants a comfort blanket, someone he knows that loves him and will always come running. It has been 7 months - if he wanted you back he would have said so by now.
Instead you are letting him walk all over you, he is just using you for a bit of attention when he gets lonely. And what are you getting from this? Hurt, confused and mixed messages.
What to do now? Change your mobile number (or call your network provider to block his number), delete his number from your phone, delete him off facebook and delete his email address. If you are serious about wanting to get over him and about no contact - then force him into it. You cannot be friends with an ex if one person still has feelings for the other, it simply does not work. So YOU have to be the one to cut off contact, you cant sit there hoping that he will follow your rule because clearly he is incapable.
Dont let him keep using you like this - as soon as he meets someone new he will drop you, you are just a comforting stop gap while he is a bit lonely. Cut off all contact with him and make sure there is no way he can contact you anymore, this is the only way you will be able to move on.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2011): Looks like he doesn't want to marry you but also doesn't want to face the consequences of that, meaning you moving on so he pops in and out of your life with nothing to offer hoping you'll stay attached and not expect more. He's a time waster and will happily waste your time when you could be spending it with someone who really wants you or until he finds someone he wants to marry.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2011): It's really all up to you. If you want to move on, ignore his messages. Personally, I think if you have had such a long history together, he'll never disappear completely out of you life. He sounds like he vaccilates between rejecting you and then leaning heavily on you...maybe the separation could be good for him as well?
You're right to want some space to pull yourself together. I would ignore his texts, meet some new people, adjust to your new life, and when you're feeling better, then contact him. Stop worrying about him and start living on your own clock.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 February 2011):
 You never mentioned the reason of breakup so I am just going to assume it's the obvious: like he got cold feet, he's worried about money, you fight about stupid things.
You wouldn't have asked this question if your mind is clear. You would have just ignored him.
When you told him you need no contact that's no longer effective since you agreed to meet him pretty much every day. It's like when a girl says no she could mean maybe or yes. He saw through that because you showed him your weakness. It's you who have to be firm with your decision. If you want to risk again, that's your choice. If you want to move on and forget him, that's also your choice. There's no right or wrong answer for this. You can only trust yourself for any decision you make. Would a breakup happen again?
A lot of people would tell you never to go back to exes. What if you could try to accept that he made a mistake? Maybe he thought another girl would suit him better and now he realizes you are not too different from other girls. Or maybe he dated girls but nothing was successful. There is no one formula that works for everyone. Some people need the space to think, some people persevere to the end. He needed the space because otherwise he could not think clearly. Seven months is too long. In writing this you reveal that you still have feelings for him. If you can't move on from him you can't date anyone else. You might as well give him another try. It really takes a big heart to forgive something like that. Love has no limits. Don't believe that a breakup, a mistake can make a relationship less than what it was before. Think positive. Some people say the second time is always better than the first. You know each other better: you communicate differently, you think and emote differently so next time you will know what to expect.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2011): Well it depends how you feel about the person involved. Do you see you both getting back together in the future? If not then remain strong on the no contact, if this is the only way you can move past this then thats the way to go. Change your number if you have to. He probably has realised how special you are but if its too late where your concerned then its his loss, he'll eventually get the message just believe in yourself and be strong.
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