A
female
age
30-35,
*hadow Rose
writes:Ok, so long story short (Because I tend to be long-winded), I have a friend who was dumped about 2 weeks ago, I didn't want to ask too much about it, but I did want to help, because he's a friend.But this guy will NOT do anything! I told him to open the windows and let some sunshine in, listen to happy music, and not think about it, but he just said he didn't want to.And it's not like I'm just butting in, either, he's always messaging me and telling me he's miserable and all this stuff that's an obvious cry for help...Also, I'm not sure wether or not this will help, but I think he has a crush on one of our mutual friends, even though she's got a boyfriend. (I think this because he's been asking me if she talks about him, or misses him, since he recently moved).I just need help with helping him, I'm the kind of person that feels I need to help my friends (And dont go psychoanalyzing that!), but my help isn't working this time!
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reader, Abella +, writes (22 November 2011):
 A depressed person can lose all motivation to do anything. But don't let your friend spiral down into that deep valley for too long. Depression is like a huge lead weight holding the person down. It is a serious illness. And they often need far more help than they are willing to allow. And you usually cannot be there for them every waking moment. In fact one person alone puts too much pressure on the caring one trying to help.Keep gently encouraging your friend to get some professional support. Because the person suffering depression is often going through many more times pressure than they are willing to reveal to you. Often the depressed person will try to blame themselves for their depression. Yet they need to be reminded that this is NOT their fault.But they Do need medical assistance to get through this.depression http://helpguide.org/topics/depression.htm grief and loss – which can lead to depressionhttp://helpguide.org/topics/grief.htm relationships http://helpguide.org/topics/relationships.htm Improving mind body and spirit http://helpguide.org/topics/mind_body.htm Kicking smoking - because depressed people often smokehttp://www.helpguide.org/mental/quit_smoking_cessation.htm First I will state my own belief, (and anyone can disagree, that’s OK), and it is that I believe your Doctor is the best person to help you start to effectively manage your Depression. It may be that your Doctor will give you an initial assessment. And then possibly refer you to the right level of counsellor or treating specialist or other solutions, where appropriate. Some may want to suggest it is, “only depression.” Implying that Depression is not serious is not doing you any favours. Everything is relative. And a person suffering depression may consider it mild, moderate or more. But what one person may think they can handle themselves may indeed be severe depression. While another person may think they have severe depression, because it feels so debilitating, and yet may only be mild depression following a professional assessment by a Doctor. So if you feel depressed at least speak to the doctor and allow the doctor to do their job. I also feel that trying to be TOO brave is foolhardy. This is when one hears, “I want to get over this by myself. I don’t need any one to help me. Go away.” Yes I will agree that when it is mild depression that a person may feel it coming on and may have very good insight into the severity of the symptoms. And know how they are feeling inside. And even believe that they can handle it all by themselves. But depression can start to spiral down quickly and if it is serious depression then by the time it gets to the worst stage a person may not have the insight to seek help when they do really need help. Nor the motivation to seek the help when they really do need some professional assistance.Depression is a serious debilitating illness affecting an organ in your body. And there is no stigma in this, because every organ in a body can get sick. A person’s skin, heart, lungs and liver. You name it, there is no long term guarantee that one particular organ can never get sick. Yet people persist in acting as if, “this cannot be happening , to me.” Why not? Our brain is capable of getting sick, and getting well again, for that matter too.And if a heart was not working would you think you had the skills to fix the problem alone? Of course not. It is time to demystify any illness that affects that area above your eye brows. You do need good professional expert assistance to manage the situation and to help you get better. Your Doctor is the only person to fully understand the medical aspects of your depression.Do not even think of ‘’self-medicating” as this will only make things worse and will not get you on a good road to recovery.And as the depressed person starts to improve a therapist will start to suggest other healing activities (that would have been impossible when the person was severely depressed) such as joining a Yoga class, daily walks each morning, finding creative actitvities to get involved with in the community. Swimming, Zumba, Ballroom dancing. Many possibilities. But when a person is depressed such activities are well beyond what they could cope with. But once they start on the recovery road such activities will lift their spiritsYour friend is lucky indeed to have a caring supportive friend like you.The misguided Stigma that some ignorant people impose on depression is not acceptable. It is medieval and barbaric to impose this on an already ill person. And it is cruel. So if you know anyone who does it, please tell them to get with the program and stop being such a nasty person.Hundreds of years ago ignorant people used to make up fearful scenarios to explain any illness affecting the brain. This must have caused terrible stress to people who, in reality, were ill because one organ in their body, namely their brain was temporarily not functioning effectively. What such people require is understanding, empathy and compassion.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2011): As a person who suffers from depression I can tell you from experience the worst thing anyone can do is to tell you to get over it , or to just stop thinking about it. It doesn't help but makes the person feel worse, because they can't just stop. What you need to do, is be there for him, let him talk and JUST LISTEN. You can't fix it for him , he has to do it and he is grieving the loss of his relationship and he needs time to grieve. I know you mean well, but honestly you need to just sit back and let him wallow for a bit, encourage him gently, by spending time watching funny movies, or listening to upbeat music with him. Encourage him to talk about things or just sit quietly with him, and in time he will come back. I know it's hard, but sometimes you just need to not try to fix things for your friends. Good Luck.
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female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (22 November 2011):
Shadow Rose is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you guys for the advice, because I honestly dont know what to do. He says things that makes it seems like he's reaching out for help, and I feel obligated to try and help...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 November 2011):
Give him a little space. Bring over some hilarious/funny movies and order pizza and just hang out, just ask how he feels, if he wants to talk, he'll talk..
If you want a list of good movies let me know .
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (22 November 2011):
 If he's truly depressed then the only person who can help him is a qualified medical professional. I know you mean well and don't want to watch your friend break down in front of you, but you cannot help him out of his depression. In that case, he needs to talk to his parents about seeing a therapist. I think it's more of the break up is raw and he's wallowing in self pity at the moment. Let him sit at home and sulk..eventually he will see it's not getting him anywhere (especially a new girlfriend). Then he will come out to play when he's ready.
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