A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been exchanging messages with this guy I met online for the past two weeks. We basically wrote lengthy letters to one another, covering a variety of topics. He's basically an open book, and a genuine guy from the "research" I've done on him. (He uses the same username everywhere online). I never expected our letters to be so long, but I kind of just went along with him because I like taking things slowly. I do message other guys though, but I feel that he messages me exclusively. We recently met because I felt it was about time, and any more online exchanges would be meaningless without actually knowing him in real life. I wanted to see if we had potential for more. And so we met. He turned out to be a great guy, but I'm not quite attracted to him and want to keep my options open. I see us as new friends, but I know he wants something more and probably thinks we're dating now. How do I let this fade away? I don't think we'll exchange messages anymore since we know one another in person (and will let him know if necessary). Do I just ignore his texts or respond occasionally like we're friends?
View related questions:
met online, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (14 June 2013):
 Yes indeed I use Atsweet all over the web oh well I like it. You genuinely like the attention too. Who researches peoples avartars they dont like ha. Gosh if you didnt like him why would you even post this research. You dont have to tell someone your not interested they can tell over time. But most people will mention it so it dont be no confusion and time wasting going on.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 June 2013):
 I have to agree 100% with Cerberus, BE freaking honest with the dude, don't string him along because you don't want to look like the "bad guy" by telling him you don't see the two of you as anything else but friends.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2013): It depend on a situation. I personally feel when a guy likes me or not. I don't really know how people don't feel it. It shows in expression of the eyes, occasional touching and so on. Even one first day, I an tell depending on how a guy looks at me. BUT some people don't feel. If you think that's the case with your guy tell him, don't just ignore him. I had one date with a guy that I actually met in a bar. I just moved to a new town, and he was the first one who asked me one date. He was soooo too much with planning the date and picking a restaurant . He was awkward Ina every step of the way, even told me ahead of time that dinner was on him, so I ordered something very little, knowing that. He was sweet as a child can be. I was completely bored at the end of the evensong, and even multiple drinks didn't help. He kept texting me , until I told him that it's not going to happen. I wished i told him the next day.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2013): Forgive me OP, truly I mean no offence by this but why do a lot of women (and men do it too) think the default behaviour for losing interest in a guy is to become a complete ignorant bitch about it?
Ignore him? Let it "fade away"? Lead him on by responding occasionally?
How rude and utterly contemptible OP. People who do that are ignorant cowards. Why is that the only the option for you?
Why has honesty, telling him where he stands not come to mind with you?
It sounds like the guy has actually been quite nice to you and now you really even consider ignoring him a good option?
You're not interested OP, at least have the decency to tell him that. Has he not earned that kind of respect from you?
I mean fair enough, if he was a sexual creep then ignoring him is fine.
OP we guys appreciate honesty as much as women do. Don't think that somehow ignoring a person is a nice way of doing things. That would make you a coward. Plus he may just think you're playing hard to get, so you'll just waste more of his time, make him feel like shit, let him wonder where he went wrong to be treated with such contempt, when all you have to do is be honest, put his mind at ease and let him walk away knowing it wasn't meant to be but that you're a decent human being.
OP if people treat you well, with respect and dignity, feel free to return that courtesy. As a guy I can tell you women who do the ignoring thing are just low life cowards. They're as bad as the guys who sleep with a woman promising her the world then just ignore her afterwards.
Just tell him how you feel on the matter. It's only been two weeks, he'll be respectfully disappointed and you can walk away with your head held high knowing you did the right thing by him.
...............................
A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (14 June 2013):
 Don't ignore his texts - that's rude. Just be honest and tell him you see him only as a friend and you don't see it developing beyond that.
...............................
A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (14 June 2013):
 If the situation was reversed, how would you want him to handle it?
You would probably want him to be honest and straightforward with you, so that you two could stop talking and move onto new partners soon, right?
So do the right thing. Don't ignore him and hope he'll go away eventually. Show him that you respect him as a person and tell him honestly that you're not attracted to him romantically, and that you want to move on.
...............................
A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (14 June 2013):
 Are you not just jumping to conclusions? You've met once. What makes you think he "probably thinks you are dating"? If he does think that, when nothing has been said about dating, then he's getting ahead of himself and needs to hold his horses, but has he expressly said this or are you just guessing?
In any case, I think you should be honest with him. I know it seems easier to ignore him and hope he goes away, and this is the route that many people take, but it would be more respectful to tell him straight. Imagine how many dating-related problems would disappear if everyone was just honest about what they wanted and didn't want rather than leaving someone hanging. You have a right not to be attracted to someone.
If you tell him in a direct but tactful way, the problem will go away and you won't have to worry about him. Tell him it was great meeting him and you'd like to get to know him but your feelings for him are platonic, so if he wants to pursue a friendship with you, that's great, but if he wants more then it might be better to go your separate ways. That way you give him a choice and you're not stringing him along. It also gives you a chance to get to know him and who knows, maybe you will develop feelings for him.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2013): Please tell him 'I am afraid there is no chemistry'.
It is better to tell him now than later.
If he is a nice guy as you say he is he will understand, be prepared that he may not want to be friends afterwards.
Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2013): If he texts you, text back thanking him for the nice time, and say that you'd like to stay in touch as friends but don't envisage it developing beyond that. Wish him well with his search. Otherwise if his hopes are up it could get awkward. I think ignoring him is a bit hurtful.
It's disappointing when you've been messaging and feeling good about someone and then you meet and it isn't there. I think that's why I gave up on internet dating!
Good luck.
...............................
|
