A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello all, I love my family and friends but if I spend time with them I can quite often become down and a bit depressed. I'm surrounded by loved ones and close friends who have very strong personalities. They can be very overbearing, brash, rude, unthoughtful, negative. A lot of the time there's a drama going on. People around me seem comfortable with that but I am the opposite. I hate drama conflict and confrontation. For me life throws its own challenges and thats enough without the added drama. I try my hardest not to let rudeness upset me and try to shrug off the comments. I'm very laid back and go with the flow and I can let people walk all over me but if I do stand up to the bullying it just seems to leave me exhausted. Sometimes I get frustrated and I find myself getting plain angry. I hate it, I don't want to be a horrible person and take my frustration out on others. That's being a bully. I'm a spiritual person and I read an article that said loud, aggressive overbearing people should be avoided because they do a sensitive spirit no good, they drain them of their own energy. That would mean dropping my family and friends! I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): Wow! Wouldn't you be led to beilieve that god himself has just given you advice! If someone is going to be such an ass they should just keep their mouth shut, they don't help, they hinder. If I were you, I would decide to make a time and date to sit each of these people down one by one and tell them that things that they sometimes say or the way that they are treating you is hurtful. People get used to treating you the way you let them and if you don't occassionally point it out, they don't see that they are doing anything wrong. If you are not the sort of person who needs to get aggressive or nasty to make your point then don't lower yourself just because other people think that's acceptable! Good Luck and be strong.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): "I'm very laid back and go with the flow"
I hate to break it to you OP but no you're not. In fact you're the opposite, you're very highly strung.
You see laid back, chilled people who go with the flow aren't bothered about things like this, that's the very definition of being laid back, they're not bothered by overbearing people, or others people drama, they just go with the flow. You don't go with the flow OP you're being dragged along in a current filled frustration, anger and deep-seated negativity. OP that spirituality shit you read is bullshit, energy drains and shit like that. You can't put the very complex social dynamic of your relationships into a neat little package like that, it's never that simple.
You want to know a simple fact? it's okay to vocalize your anger, it's okay to vent and it's okay to argue sometimes too. You talk about energy well you're a massive bubble of it waiting to burst, when what most of us have learned to do is let it out in small doses and vent our frustrations gently through conversation, debates and even drama.
You may think you're a gentle soul who hates drama etc. you're not, you're just an over-sensitive pushover that would rather everyone just shut up and pretend to be happy than actually vent and healthily cleanse your mind of it's negativity. It's not being a bully to let people know when they piss you off, if done constructively it's very beneficial to you and the other person. They can adjust their behaviour by not doing things that piss you off and you get to voice your frustrations and get some release.
OP confrontation is healthy when done right, you can't let people make you depressed by their behaviour, you have to stand up for yourself and you can't be afraid of the consequences of telling people how you feel or it'll just build up and make you feel lonely and depressed.
Life will just be ten times better when you learn to stand up to people, when you learn to be strong too and when you learn that holding stuff in, keeping your mouth shut and never expressing your real feelings, including the negative ones, will just eat you alive.
Look the way you do things now isn't working is it? Ditching all these people isn't going to work either because you simply can't ditch everyone in the world can you? No, you have to learn to deal with people or you'll just be a sad, depressed loner with cats angry at world for not being all roses and sunshine.
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A
female
reader, kavyaarni  +, writes (3 April 2012):
hi,it is nice according to your statement that you are quiet a laid back person, if so, why do the negative people bother you? there are good people and bad ones its upto us to balance between them. as far as your family is concerned, they are the closest to you and are the hardest critics. they can be rude at times but i don't think they mean anything offensive to you. have you taken a chance to talk with them as to why they are not calm with you? is it that evrybody in the family is the same or a few of them? if so,talking in a cool way is the best way to get things out. by saying so that you let ppl walk over you just makes you a push over. don't be so. people love bullying such people. you do not have a major problem as such. you are too gullible at this point of life . with time and maturity you will understand the world and realise its not a bad place to live after all. stay positive and keep smiling. there is nothing in this world that can't be sorted with a sweet smile and a poitive attitude. do let me know if you have concerns.cheers
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