A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am 24 years of age and life seems to have come to a stand still...I met a guy through a friend which I ended up dating we were two different kind of people always argued he was never really there. As funny as it may sound I celebrated both my birthday and Valentine’s Day alone each year for some reason he would want to breakup with me with excuses he still loved his ex or I wasn’t his religion...as time has gone on I have lost all my confidence and gained a few stones in depression. He has now dumped me after 5 years of up’s and down’s stating that I am too fat and useless. He swore at my family for no apparent reason and has an attitude that only he could get hurt and no one else. I did briefly date someone before I fell in love with him and despite me being committed to him he still accuses me of sleeping with the previous guy who is now married and so many others that I am not even aware of. He lives in London and even though this is an hour away from where I live we met only after 2-3 months with excuses he was busy at work, he would not answer my calls and when I did get chance to speak to him he would put the phone down after a few words. All he ever wanted to do is sleep together. In 5 years we have gone out about 3 – 4 times and eventually he broke up with me my problem is I love him and despite everything I have done for him it’s still not enough and as much as I want to cry and hate him I just cannot bring myself to do this I want to move on but I can’t. My sister states am too nice and he is just taking advantage as an Indian girl I have given him everything and trusted his each word and then he realised that I had to convert to be with him which I am not willing to do as am proud to be a Hindu.He’s made me feel very low about myself I am unable to look in the mirror every night I am falling asleep in tears I just don’t understand what I have done, my friends have also stirred things up for which reason he blames me but not every apple in the basket is rotten. I have cried and even stated that I am innocent but he does not want to listen to a word. In anger I have said some nasty things to him but this was 5 years of silence that I could not keep inside any longer. I feel upset even though my mum has been a support I told her everything about the relationship I am unable to confide everything with her my sister has taken good care of me and could not thank her enough but what do I do with this heart???I have gone aside and made so much effort for this guy expensive gifts love and care was given but still It was not good enough for him, my new friends state that I should move on but how 6 months on I still feel trapped in the same box. Please help....
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at work, broke up, confidence, fell in love, his ex, move on, trapped Reply to this Question
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female
reader, discuss_hana  +, writes (26 November 2009):
Hi,
Coming from a mixed culture I really feel I could relate to your situation.
It really can not be nice how your feeling right now?
Instead of me trying to give you advise, that I am sure you will pretend to acknowledge.
I would like to make suggestions!!!!!
- you need to get out of more! I don't mean disco's travel the world. You are very proud of your culture go and experience it. ( Save some money,take your sister and go!!)
- improve your confidence, dating websites you would properly be surprised, how it really give you a boast "although slightly freaky".
All I am trying to say break your "Bubble" or routine the world is allot bigger than painful quote PAST relationships.
I wish you the best of luck and happiness!!!
H...
A
female
reader, charl213 +, writes (28 March 2008):
 Whilst reading your question, one word seemed to be running quite prominantly through my mind... wanker! He clearly has issues with himself to treat any body the way he has done you. There comes a time when you have to accept that fact that he has hurt you and let yourself greive over the loss of something you once had and cant seem to get back, but after that you must give yourself the opportunity to move on and be happy, because that's what you deserve.
I realise it is much easier said than done, and moving on doesnt seem like an option. I bet you would take him back tomorrow but you have to understand that whether you want him or not, he has destructive personality and you have much better things coming your way. Getting out of this state is hard, and you cant do it alone, so keep your loved ones close and let them help you, talk about it, think about it but then let yourself forget about it. In time you will look back and laugh. Until then keep your mind focussed on what you will have one day and what you want to achieve. It's so easy to get swept away by somebody and so hard to let them go, but you must help yourself and look at life from a different perspective, without him. You're clearly intelligent and undoubtedly have alot going for you, appreciate what you have and who you are and start using it your advantage. Find something you're good at and find intellectually stimulating, whether it be economics or the piano and let yourself get swept away all over again, this time, make sure it's somebody who's worth it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): I am sorry he has treated you this way. It sucks!
You do realise how horrible he was and realise that this was not a good relationship for you. What your dealing with now is perhaps the feelings of loss, of what might have been and what are you to do now. These are what keep you holding on to this feeling that you still care about him. But he is not worth caring about. He has been awful, dissinterested and made you feel low and sad. Start to understand that this is not what people do when they love you. You two were not meant to be, but perhaps you have learnt alot about yourself now for the benefit of your future relationships.
You need to lift yourself up and say to yourself that, for two days/five days/ one month or whatever, you are going to focus on something else. Something perhaps to help your sister? Try to stop dwelling on the hopes and focus on the fact that you don't want to feel like this anymore. One step at a time and you will start to feel alive again. Try as I say, to focus on helping someone who has been there for you. Don't expect too much, and don't be afraid when you start to realise that you forgot about him for a couple of hours!!
You have people around you who love and care for you. You have got out of a relationship which took it's toll. He has dragged you down and made you think things which are not so. Once you start to make a new begining for yourself, you will start to feel free and confident! But it is over to you and I am sure you can do it!
It takes alot of strength to love someone who is not treating you well. We sometimes forget that fact. The strength you had to take his crap, is the same strength you can use to make yourself happy. Go and get that box your in, take it outside into the garden, and tear yo that box which is holding you back. Make it go away!
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