A
female
age
41-50,
*oprince4me
writes:I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 8 months now. Having been out of the dating scene for 9 years and being a mother this time around, seems to complicate things a bit. My real question at this time hinges on the fact that he is still not over his ex. They were together for 3 months, and as he describes the long distance realtionship, it was a fairytale romance. Untill she broke it off. He was ready to get serious, and she was not. So here I am, in love with this man and his children, but playing second fiddle to a lost love. He loves me, I do not doubt that, but on days when he sees someone who reminds him of her, or he has dreams about her, I might as well not even exist. It is all consuming for him, and sends him into a deep depression. After 8 months I feel I don't even begin to compare to what she was to him. My question, what am I doing? Patiently waiting for him to see who and what I really am to him, or am I just dragging my feet as I head toward the edge of a very high cliff?
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his ex, long distance Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2008): well i'll ask you this is it really justfied that he only dates u because you remind him of his ex? all i'm saying is that why wait for a man who clearly can't get over his ex? talk 2 him and if he admits that earlier the less painful it gets
A
female
reader, noprince4me +, writes (1 January 2008):
noprince4me is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank You so much for your help! Life is a challenge most of the time, and sometimes it is easy to get stuck in a rut because it is easier to just keep going than to stand up for what you want! Happy New Year to all, and may 2008 bring change and happiness to me and whatever it is you desire, perhaps this will be the year that your desire will be fulfilled!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (26 December 2007):
 Poster, I see many reasons why you shouldn't wait.
First of all, I think that anyone who comes near you has to offer you a good "deal". S/he needs to come willing to make the relationship work, or then s/he'd better not come. This isn't only a matter of making things work. It is also a matter of respect for you. You need to make sure people treat you fairly. You're not a pastime.
Second, you have given this man nine months of relationship face to face, but that is little for him as compared to the three months he was in a long distance relationship. I am afraid that he likes fairy tales, yes, in the sense that they are not real. Allow me a little license here. I don't know what he looks like, but, it's as if you preferred Prince Charming, who "will" come to rescue you, "someday", instead of Shrek, who is right there fighting the dragon.
He was ready to make it serious, she wasn't. I see. YOU are ready to make it serious. Shouldn't that count a lot?
You have a child. You need to take him into consideration when finding a partner. Well, I believe that part of this consideration should be that the man needs to be serious about the relationship with you, and committed to it, because it also has an effect on the child.
You're still young and I'm sure you can find someone who will treat you right. You deserve no less than very first place.
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A
female
reader, starfairy  +, writes (26 December 2007):
 Honestly, I wouldn't stay with him. YOU want to be number one, not her! You want to be the princess he spoils.
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