A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys, I really, really need someone's advice! There's this guy that I've known for almost a year now. He's one year my senior at our university and we're in the same clubs/interest groups so we see each other around quite often. He has also been regularly volunteering at the same community centre I volunteer at every week once. He also came to my church before and he's even briefly met my family. The problem is that I don't know if he likes me at all or whether he is just being nice. I'm not exaggerating when I say he's almost like the perfect guy - kind to everyone, compassionate, generous (and rich), caring, intelligent (he's a medical student), gentlemanly, athletic, respectful, sincere and faithful. He's not the most good looking person around, but he's tall and has a great smile. Plus, his awesome character makes up for everything else. He also can be a little nerdy and shy at times, but he's quite a serious person and doesn't flirt around or do anything compromising. We're quite good friends but unfortunately, we're not particularly close (like buddies).We usually have pretty deep conversations but I don't know why there's still this slight tension or awkwardness between the both of us. I can think of a few possible reasons though.Maybe it's because I come from quite a restrictive family, and I've never had a boyfriend before, so maybe I find it difficult to discern if he is showing interest or if he is just being nice.Furthermore, all my best friends are female - and I only have sisters - so I might be incorrectly interpreting the signals he is sending me.On another note, he has done quite a lot of things for me, like driving me home after a late meeting in school (even though he lives at the opposite side of town), coming to a seminar I organised on women's issues, and asking me out for lunch when we were both studying for exams...but the catch is, he has done a lot of nice things for a lot of other girls too. It was not love at first sight, but now I think about him a lot more than before and I am afraid I am falling for him. He's always so polite and I feel that I am wasting my time analysing his emails or text messages for clues that he likes me anything more than a friend. I've done quite a few nice things for him too but nothing that spectacular.Another thing is that a mutual friend we is asked him out for a casual date - and he went for it. (This was when I finally realised that I could not kid myself any longer, and that since I was being jealous, I definitely had feelings for this guy).Anyways, thank you for listening to my embarrassing ramblings and I hope you guys can help me out. I don't want to screw up my chance - if I have any - and jump into any false conclusions. Please tell me what to do about this situation...Thank you so much!
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (7 October 2010):
Hi there. He sounds like a very nice young man.
Perhaps you could get to know him better, by maybe asking him out for coffee one day. Then you can make it a bit more personal. So it's not awkward for you to ask him, wait till you are both talking anyway, so it can flow on into the conversation. Also, make sure there's no-one else around.
By asking him out for coffee, it's still relaxed and not too serious, but by your asking him, you are taking the initiative - instead of waiting for him to suggest something. It shows him that you are interested in him.
If he's studying medicine, he probably doesn't want to make his life all complicated by starting a relationship, and if anything goes wrong, it would affect his studies. So it's possible he's keeping that in mind. Don't let that stop you though.
Another thing to consider is, often when two people meet each other and are good friends, sometimes over time there starts to be feelings of more than just friends - like a romantic attraction. So the awkward feelings between you that you mentioned, could be this starting to happen. Perhaps he does like you this way, but is reluctant to show his feelings, for fear of rejection. In case you don't feel the same way. So all the more reason to (when the timing is right), to ask him out for coffee one day soon.
If he says yes, then just be relaxed and show genuine interest in him and try to get to know him a bit better, without asking any personal questions. That would be too obvious. For instance, a taboo question would be to ask him if he has a girlfriend at the moment, or is he dating anyone. Don't go down that path. Just keep it light, friendly and cheerful. Just be yourself. And don't forget to have fun.
Once you agree to go the cafe, just agree to meet there don't organise one to pick up the other (only unless he suggests picking you up - that's different). Also regards the cafe, if you do go there, only have coffee and cake, don't have a 3 course meal. Perhaps just make the whole date about half an hour and no more. Then at the end of it, say - "Thank you I really enjoyed your company, enjoy the rest of your day. Talk to you soon."
By asking him out for coffee, it will give him some encouragement to ask you out again soon. It's a great way to break the ice anyway.
Go out for coffee, enjoy yourself, laugh and be happy. Then see how it goes from there. You will get a pretty good idea.
Hope this is helpful to you. Take care and best wishes.
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