A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:There's this girl at work I began to like quite a bit over the last few weeks. She is cute, funny, friendly and just an easy going person to be around. I'm a little shy when it comes to this stuff, but I began giving out little hints that I fancy her, and I guess she's picked up on it, and has become rather interested herself and we have been texting each other (a lot!) which has been fun and exciting :)However, I have just recently heard from my co-workers (and boss) who have known her/worked with her a LOT longer than I have, that she is into drugs and hangs out with that crowd.I wouldn't consider myself to be one with High Standards when it comes to dating, but anyone who takes ANY form of illegal drug is a no-go for me. Period.My family and myself are very against this; me expecially since I've had bad experiences with losing friends and family who chose to go down that road, and almost dragging everyone else down in the meantime.I feel guily and terrible for building her hopes up for a possible relationship, but I just can't see us ever being together now because I have a lot of goals and hopes in my life which I don't want to jeopardize by getting involved with someone in that "scene"How do I let her down without seeming like an asshole or someone who's just out to "use"?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2009): Have you heard this from her? Do you want to believe rumors or get to the truth? Talk to her directly. Tell her what you have heard. Let her know where you stand.
Good Luck!
Britt
A
male
reader, rocknroll +, writes (6 June 2009):
Be honest, you like her allot, but her drug use is worrisome that it may cause the relationship serious problems latter, and you just don't want to get further attached that you both are latter miserable over a then breakup.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2009): I'm the same as you. I hate drugs and I'm against weed too, I don't care if people can still live normal lives while taking it, I wouldn't want it in my house or smoking it if we had kids one day. You're not even dating her yet so If I was you, I try and find out first if she does take drugs and if she would be willing to give it up before cutting her off completely.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2009): just be honest and say "look we are great together - i am just not into that stuff that you are - i know where it goes and for that reason, i am going to say thank you for a wonderful time - but i need all of you or none of you. i know somewhere in between will spoil it for both of us."
then see what happens---
Star,x,
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (6 June 2009):
 I don't see where you two have actually started dating, so there isn't anything to let her down from. You're friendly right now, so keep it at that. Don't ask her on any romantic dates. You could also have a conversation about your experiences with your friends, which will send a clear message to her about what you will and will not tolerate.But if she's nice, and you enjoy hanging out with her, be a friend to her. She might need to know some clean people to hang out with when she finally lets go of her habit.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2009): Well it depends what kind of drugs, honestly. If it is weed, people can still live productive lives using weed. She is living proof. I mean obviously if they have known her a "long" time she has held down her job despite her whatever habit she allegedly has, so there is no downward spiral in evidence. I think that is pretty judgmental of you to write her off just because of that. Though, of course, your prerogative.If its, crack, heroin, cocaine, meth, acid, and all those "hard" types of drugs, then I would say you have a very valid and healthy standard.She strikes me more as weed and possibly shrooms twice a year type of girl for some reason. As to how to let her down, how do you let down any other girl? You've never had to let down a girl before? You could always tell her the truth. You could make up a lie as well.What I would do is actually talk to her about what you have heard about her and what particular "scene" she considers herself to be a part of, instead of relying on gossip like a woman.
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A
male
reader, boyman9 +, writes (6 June 2009):
Well You dont leave your partner behind. You like Her right? well its like this.......... never leave a mairne in burning building so never leave her try to make her stop at least try! sit down talk if you want to let her go then talk with her discuss why you want to leave her HOPE THIS HELPS!
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