A
male
age
36-40,
*ichard1984
writes:Hi,me and my girlfriend have ended up on a break because i accused her of cheating. i found evidence and she has been catching up a lot with old (male) friends so i got jealous. I lied to her trying to catch her out but it all back fired. she wasnt cheating and she now thinks im a liar. I only lied because i was going out of my mind. Her reason is that i should of asked and now she doesnt know if she can love an untrusting guy.i have never wanted to stop her seeing her friends or stop her going out but it seems that way because we have money problems etc. i love her so much and we were meant to be married in may this year. I want to get back together and let her live her life still but i cant because i have to sleep at my mums or the sofa so things are awkward.I want to show her im sorry and that i love her but im not allowed to take her out or anything. I tried talking burt she said she wants time. Im going out of my mind with worry and im not eating or sleepingPlease helpRichard
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a break, get back together, jealous, liar, money Reply to this Question
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female
reader, imnotcircumsized  +, writes (6 December 2007):
 This really depends on what you lied about. Although, I am the same way. I've found myself in situations like this, where I've lied about small things to try to catch my beau in a lie. He always figures out that i'm lying and I apologize... although, the things I lie about are insignificant. (i.e. I tell him that I look at other guys to get him to admit that he does... but he never comes out with it and always thinks that I look at other guys)... but I am still convinced he does. You should just apologize, buy her something(even if it's just chocolates or flowers and a card), and promise to try to work things out and make a better approach next time.
A
female
reader, arri +, writes (5 December 2007):
Hi,
Although I am a lot older, I too have been in this situation many many times.
You convince yourself that something is going on and it eats at you and you can't stop it. You become desparate as a way of protecting yourself. You believe that by knowing you can ease the feelings of pain you are feeling.
In my experiences, every time this has happened where I have tried to catch him out, I have turned out to be wrong. However, the phrase "be careful what you wish for" normally happens. I become so obsessed by what I think is happening, that I find out I'm wrong and then it happens!!
My best advice is that by convincing yourself they are cheating, then you are pushing that person away. By backing off, that person may well come back. Find a way to relieve your feelings either by using a websire like this or by writing a journal (it helps for me)
Give it time. With love
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2007): Are you sure she wasnt cheating? I have had this experience, it was denial,story changing and still continuing to this day. She obviously wasnt upfront with you otherwise you wouldnt have been suspicious.Cut your losses and get out and meet someone better,who doesnt make your life unbearable.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (5 December 2007):
 You say you have money problems but that sounds like it was an excuse for your snooping. How do you connect money problems to cheating? What was the lie and what did you do to break her trust?
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