| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,My husband and I have been married for 25 years when I found out that he's having an affair. We work in the same group of companies and the girl was his staff. It was so painful because I felt he did not respect me. I asked him to leave our home and he did. I never saw him after that, though he is communicating with our children for their education. Other than that, he never gives for the daily expenses. I really hate him and I wish him dead. I gave him everything and this is what I got? I want him in prison but can't get hard evidence. I will not stop until he suffered like what he did to me. There's so much hatred in my heart. Is this normal? I rarely sleep because of what he did to me. What to do?Thanks,Rose
View related questions:
affair, in jail Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (7 August 2006):
 Stop feeling hatred towards him...it is only harming you to get angry about this and distracting you from the real issues - his lack of responsibility and moral integrity. You need to channel that disgust into a more constructive pattern of thinking and action. Don't wish him 'dead'...he would have gotten away with responsibilities to his wife and kids then! As his wife (or ex-wife) you have certain financial claims over him related to the place where you live and any material assets on his side. You need to seek the advice of a solicitor specialising in family law to explain your options - most give a free first appointment if you are in the UK. As for your kids, well as the father he has a legal duty to pay for their support and the courts will arrange this for you. They will dock his pay at source if they feel he is being obstructive. But you have to be patient and cool-headed about this, and appreciate that it may take a while to get sorted out. You cannot control the fact he had an affair, you can control the financial consequences of this affair - a divorce, a financial settlement etc.
By taking legal action you are sending a clear message to him that you won't be walked over, and you are being a role-model to your kids about enforcing parental responsibilities. Try not to be bitter about what has happened - he has been a rat for sure, but if you let it ruin the rest of your life then effectively he continues to hurt you in the long run. Maybe you should seek some counselling to be able to rant about what has happened - letting off steam can be very therapeutic!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2006): Take him to court. You don't need any hard evidence to just get a judge to rule that he has to pay alamony or child support. Unless you two haven't finalized a divorce yet. If you haven't, let that be the first step you take. Make sure you let it be known that you left him for having an affiar. After that, go to court and I'm fairly certain he will be ordered to pay at least child support if you are the one in costody of your children. I am very sorry that this had to happen to you. I definately see where all your anger and hatred is coming from. It's certainly normal. I had a boyfriend who die when I was young and I couldn't eat and couldn't sleep for a long time. When bad things happen, everyone reacts differently, but just make sure you are taking care of yourself and your children right now. Let yourself grieve over what has happened and then move on with your life. It probably wouldn't be normal if you were already over this, so you have nothing to worry about. Your feelings are completely understandable. Maybe you should consider counseling to help you cope. I really wish you the best of luck and I hope that everything works out okay for you and your children in the end. Stay strong!
~RJGirl
...............................
|
