New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login244966 questions, 1084314 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

I just had a horrible "first time", or what should have been. I'm too hurt to move on, what do I do?

Tagged as: Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 April 2010) 17 Answers - (Newest, 26 April 2010)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

"Wow, hun...You're so much smaller than my ex...I'm sorry." That's what she told me when we were just about to...yeah

Then she got up, apologized, and left quietly. I felt so terrible after, I actually cried lol.

We don't see each other anymore.

I've been told almost all the time that "it doesn't matter" or whatever, but I guess I had to be unlucky enough for this to happen to me on what could have been my first time.

Do other girls feel the same way about this? The whole size thing, I mean.

The average penis is like 6 inches long and 5 inches in girth when erect, right?

My penis is about 4 inches long and 4 inches in girth when erect so yeah, it -is- small and thin in case you were wondering.

Before though, I used to believe what other people had told me; that it was what you did, not the size, that mattered. I always thought to try my best to make sure that whomever I'm with is happy, but I feel like that's not good enough anymore.

I feel discouraged and I feel like there's nothing I can do to make up for having a small penis. I feel like -I'm- not good enough anymore no matter how hard I try. I'm scared to get to the same place with another girl because I'm afraid this would just happen again.

I just wanna know from other girls...Would you be turned off if your boyfriend had a small penis?

Do ya feel the same way she did about it?

And is size a big issue and would you let it get in the way of a guy you like? ._.

If a girl says "size doesn't matter, It's fine don't worry," does she honestly mean it or is she just saying that to not hurt your feelings? :S

Be 100% completely honest, okay please? Don't say stuff just to make me feel better, or because it seems politically correct! Thanks in advance for answering.

View related questions: move on, my ex

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2010):

That girl obviously didn't have any feelings for you. My advice to you is to wait until you are in a steady relationship with someone you like and respects and who feels the same way about you. If a girl wants to have sex WITH YOU, not just sex with anybody, she will not care about your size.

<-- Rate this answer

A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2010):

Man that's about as painful as it gets. It's bad enough to hear that shit when you've got some confidence & experience let alone getting rejected on sight for the first time. Wow. I'm sorry you had to go through that man, I really am.

Size? I think some girls care more than others. No really that's not just me being nice, I'm serious.

I've heard one chick I know say that anything much over 5 or 6 inches just hurts her. (And she was not a tiny little girl. She was like 5'5" and 130 or 140 pounds, normal adult size woman.) The girls who prefer smaller wieners are not in the majority but they are out there.

There are definitely some size queens out there though. Porn makes a lot of girls wanna "score a big one" whether they actually enjoy it or not. Some really enjoy it. The women posting can correct me if I'm wrong here, but I think some women have a lot more sensitivity higher up in the vagina than others do. I've heard that not many but a few women literally like their cervixes pounded during sex. That would take at least 7-8 inches on the average woman for sure.

You know how they always say "vaginas can stretch to fit different size penises?" Well if a girl has been banging Ron Jeremy for the last year (or just a series of casual sex with guys like that) then she's stretched to fit a big guy. Her vagina will stay that way unless she swears off the huge weiners for a while. But she may not ever go off sex for that long. And she might have big dildos at home, etc. So a girl like this basically becomes addicted to big ones just because of how her body works. Her vagina would usually tighten up some if she ever stopped screwing the huge cocks & huge dildos for several months at a time.

The average girl probably likes it bigger than you've got. No bullshit, I think the average girl would elect to make you bigger if she could secretly wave a magic wand and you'd never know you had been changed. But I don't think the average girl would want you drastically bigger. My friend is about 8-9" and I know he's had girls basically run away from him in the bedroom once they see how big he is. Or they sleep with him once, he says they seemed pretty uncomfortable with his dick, and then the girl makes up some reason not to get involved with him immediately after that. Either he's a bad fuck or he's too big for them. (And the funny thing is some of these same girls first went after him after they heard the big dick rumors!)

BTW you would gain some length if you are currently overweight and you lost a bunch of it. The mailbox post looks taller when you mow the grass shorter around the base.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Jesc United States +, writes (24 April 2010):

Jesc agony auntI would honestly have to agree with what YouWish has stated. Also a couple of other things pointed out.

You are young, Women do mature a lot faster than men. Try to give it some time before you move on to another female,(You might also want to try someone who doesn't have a sleeping problem) Not saying she did, just saying it's best.

Youwish, also stated that you should read books written by women, which is 100% correct. Porn, will not teach you a thing on how to please a women. Once your in a serious relationship the lust factor will disappear and intimacy will be the key, Which takes a lot of skills, and time for the other person.There are books that show you what positions will help if you feel that you are small to a women. Different ones to make it amazing so to say.

I personally can not state that I think you are small, I've only had sex with one man in my entire life (altho I'm young) I'm still with him from this day. But you are so young. You shouldn't try having sex at this age, I was only a couple of years younger than you when I had my first. To this day I still wish I waited.

I really hope this helps you out. I hope everyone's advice helped. All I ask is you stay away from girls like that.

From what I hear,read,seen. Size really doesn't matter, It's the skill behind the man.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Polaroid93 United Kingdom +, writes (24 April 2010):

That girl sounds horrible. Don't let her put you down! Size matters but it's not all that matters!! If you know the female "anatomy" then at yours and my age that's quite rare! And it'll impress most girls

Other factrs are skill, good at foreplay, etc, work on the ones you can.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Myau New Zealand +, writes (24 April 2010):

Myau agony auntI wish I could say something that would make you feel better. But this will be ok in time. You are just unlucky... Did she know it was your first time?

YOur fine down there and plenty of women will be digging their nails into your back screaming in passion dont worry.

You actually are lucky to have gottern away from such a selfcentred hateful person as she obvoiusly is.

But if you want to be mean, just consider which void is greater, the one between her legs or the one between her ears

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, EbonyBlossom United Kingdom +, writes (24 April 2010):

EbonyBlossom agony auntHow insensitive! She sounds immature and shallow in bed. Because y'know, unless your dick is like 2 inches then size doesn't matter. It is what you do with it/your hands/your tongue. Your ex was obviously quite naive and clueless about sex. She's probably been told that a bigger dick gives more satisfaction...

You don't need a bigger penis, you need a girl who knows what really matters. You need someone sensitive to your feelings. You need someone who's had enough experience to know that size doesn't matter (or a girl who's worried about it hurting on her first time!)

With your next girlfriend, make sure you impress her with your hands/tongue before you get to sex. Then she'll know she can get sexual satisfaction from you, whether it's from your penis or not.

Then there's the whole case of if she really loves you then it won't really matter anyway =]

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Just Diana South Africa +, writes (24 April 2010):

Just Diana agony auntPhew this girl sounds abusive! I am glad for you that she is gone!

Many years back I fell in love with a beautiful man...and...when it came to sex, I was dissappointed to see that he had a very very small penis...(not even as big as yours!) At first I would think about the size all the time wondering how on earth I would be satisfied. I must tell you however that, in time I realised that it was the size of my mind that was very very small. This man turned out to be a incredible lover, very attentive, gentle etc. What he lacked for in size he most definately made up with other parts of his body. Sex was never boring! (and for the record, I could feel his penis in me......)

Many years have passed now, and looking back with maturity, I must honestly tell you that size does matter,... IF one looks at sex as just a physical act of selfish gratification......however, through self awareness one finds that size actually afterall does not matter at all. The size may matter to some girls for the frst few minutes BUT once they experience what you can do with it......those thoughts fly out the window verrrryyyyy quickly. So really size matter BUT it doesnt. I know this may sound contradictory.

Your penis when errect seems to my mind, honestly, to be a good size....besides have you entertained the possibility that many girls vagina vary is size, shape and depth?

Do not let this self- centred little girl, wield her power of destruction you. Her wake of findng you insecure and doubtful of self now is too high a price to pay!....and still are paying it gladly for HER! Not worth it.

I PROMISE you, again, to my mind and calculation, and past experience the size of your penis is healthy.

You are made perfectly!

I also agree with Brooklyn girl..........much easier for us woman to perform oral sex on a 'smaller' penis.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, bharat mehta India +, writes (24 April 2010):

bharat mehta agony auntYou are MOST UNLUCKY- not in a sense what you got from nature, but what you got from society, specifically porn cultured society.

Unfortunately you partner's mind is created by such porno culture that focus only on particulars and not on universal. It was a good time in human history, where female and even male have no ideas about the size of the sex organ. No female were able to think about the size of the sex organ... but sensitive enough about the feeling of love.

Female do not feel the feeling of love emotion, after seeing the size of the sex organ of the male, but sensing the creative and cute personality of the male. On this account, males are on wrong side, who feel feeling of love emotions by seeing the height, and size of the breast.

I advise you to be calm and cold. Do not feel disturbance from a comment of foolish person, but wait for cute and intelligent person. And, be honest to forget the foolishness of the person.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2010):

If you're really 16 or 17 yrs old, then maybe you will hit a growth spurt. It's not like you have a micropenis or anything. But ya size doesnt matter just become an expert on oral

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Moo's Mum New Zealand +, writes (24 April 2010):

Moo's Mum agony auntWhat a complete bitch. Even though she hurt you thank god she's gone cause she wouldn't have made you happy!

Personally I don't think size matters. It's actions that count more. The right one wont care about size.

Good luck dude and don't waste another moment thinking about that cow!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Brooklyngirl United States +, writes (24 April 2010):

Brooklyngirl agony auntThat girl is an asshole! She was cruel and immature! If a guy knows the right moves....it doesn't matter! Trust me! I know! I have been around for quite a while and size doesn't matter! As long as you know what to do. And there are plenty of books out there to educate you on the right moves! Another plus to a smaller penis is that t is easier for the woman to preform oral sex!

I am sorry she hurt you the way she did! Don't let this first experience paralyze you.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, shortone1 United States +, writes (24 April 2010):

shortone1 agony auntI am a 21 year old female an my husband does not have the biggest penis as i would say but ya know what I dont think it matters to me. i can not reassure you that it doesn't matter to other women because every women is different. one thing tho' if a women/girl really loves you then yes it doesn't matter. this girl obviously only wanted you for sex and once she seen your goods was out the door from what i can tell from your question. I perferebly would tell you too find the right girl onee who loves you for you, i am talking about one who loves you for your smarts, talent, what ever it is that you are you for. I know its hard to wait and find that one girl thats out there in this big ocean of fish, but i wish i would of waited for that first love with the one i love so much like my husband. size doesn't matter it all in the way you use it and how you use it.if you need any more advice let me know. i hoped i helped you on your way tobecomeing an adult.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (24 April 2010):

YouWish agony auntGeeze...that girl who said that to you doesn't deserve a boyfriend. I read that and cringed. That sucks. :(

I will be honest with you - to some women initially, size does matter. But what matters *infinitely* more is technique. How good of a kisser you are, whether you spend lots of time in kissing and foreplay. Are you good at giving oral sex. Can you bring your woman to multiple orgasms.

Any woman would agree with me that they'd rather have someone with a smaller penis who took their time, was skilled with their lips and hands and worshipped their body than some guy who's hung like a horse and was selfish in bed.

In most women, no matter how big your penis is, they can't have an orgasm with vaginal intercourse alone. This isn't your fault. You could have a 12 inch penis that knocks against the back of her throat during sex, and she'd still have to fake it.

BTW, please don't be like lots of other guys who learn their technique by watching porn, which is geared towards male satisfaction. Read books on women's fantasies written BY women. Become a study on what drives women crazy, and I guarantee you that the size of your penis won't be an issue.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2010):

i see that you're 16-17 and it is normal for your penis to be 4 inches at that age... remember you're still growing! and its best if your first relationship is with a female that is a virgin as well so this wont happen again

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2010):

ok. She was wrong for comparing u to her ex. With the way ur writing u seem like a true genuine man. She should have been lucky that u were willing to do that with her.

On the 'size' matter. to me size doesnt matter its how its used. My partner doesnt have a big willy, but he uses it in a way which is wonderful. There will be bad experiences but there will be wonderful ones, u just need to find the right woman.

I hope that helps u a little bit. Good luck mate

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, selena547 Canada +, writes (24 April 2010):

OK. first of all size does not really matter at all ! she might have gotten scared and used that as an excuse.

i see that you are still very young and not all girls and guys are ready for this type of thing, especially if its YOUR FIRST.

I suggest you take your time with the next girl you find get to know her and let her get to know you, and as you develope a loving relationship that goes both ways, when it comes down to the bedroom it will NOT MATTER.

in fact what most girls arent aware of is that the larger the penis the harder it is for the penis to hit the "G" spot. the smaller the penis the easier it is to move around and get it .. so there is actually more pleasure for a girl that is with a man with a smaller penis . but with society now a days everyone thinks the bigger the better, well WRONG ! ALL WRONG ! AND WHEN YOU DO meet the right girl shes not going to care what size you are , that doesnt justify your personality or what you have to offer to her. so be patient you are still young and dont be in a rush to loose your virginity.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, ElectricSheep United States +, writes (24 April 2010):

ElectricSheep agony auntSize wouldn't matter in a serious relationship, because in a serious relationship you've come to love the person for who they are, not for the size of a body part. You didn't say whether you were in a relationship with this girl, or if it was just a "one night stand" kind of thing. If it's the latter, then the girl was just looking for sex and she attached the meaning of "sex" with a big penis. If girls were only satisfied with big penises then the human population count would be so much lower =P In all honesty, a guy's size wouldn't matter to me if I really cared about him.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "I just had a horrible "first time", or what should have been. I'm too hurt to move on, what do I do?"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.0312271000000237!